Okay I know about / practice postive parenting, am consistent etc - but still cant control my 2 year old. What now?

[handlemecarefully]

Picture the scene - had booked baby into creche at gym for 1 hour to take 2.3 year old swimming.

The first 15 minutes of the hour are frittered away whilst dd climbs into lockers, hides her swimsuit etc (its not that she doesn't like swimming, she does...)and generally procrastinates about getting ready for the pool. Am cool about this - whats the point in getting het up?

Anyway we make it to the pool, have a half hour dip and get out with 15 minutes to spare before we are due to collect baby from the creche. We are out of the shower in 5 leaving 10 mins to get dried and dress. DD then decides to be her most uncooperative - starts to tantrum over taking off her swimming nappy and putting a regular nappy on. Manage to wrestle her regular nappy onto her, then she runs off. Attempt to persuade her to get dressed - she's not having it. Soon there is only 1 minute to go before we are due to pick up ds ...the 'textbook' says to ignore bad behaviour - but I don't have the luxury of time for this. I can't just sit it out until she is ready to get dressed - I need to be somewhere and its not optional. I attempt to wrestle on her jeans but she really is very strong and its impossible. Am loosing it and really scream at her, then finally say "Fine, I'm going with or without you" and stomp off carrying her clothes forcing dd to follow me just wearing a nappy. This is not well received by dd, tantrum reaches fever pitch - she half staggers after me and we have to leave the ladies changing room to traverse a public corridor, whilst all the time she is just wearing a nappy. Takes her at least 20 minutes to settle down, and I have to enlist the help of the Nursery nurses at the creche...

My point is (sorry its so long winded) but ignoring bad behaviour is all well and good, but its not a workable strategy in that situation. I was obliged to pick up ds by 13.00 and couldn't just sit it out and wait for dd to tire of her 'game'....I didn't really have time for 'Time out' either. What would have worked in that scenario ?

(Incidentally, I practise positive parenting with lots of praise for good behaviour etc....)

Oops, that should have been, "coax my 3yo with a mixture of threats & compromises, plus occasional bribes"...

I;m another fan of the book Arabica mentions, and have been reading it with my 4.5 year old in mind. I'm not sure most of its techniques would work so well for my two year old though. What works for her is distraction, making things into a game and yes, heading off a tantrum with biscuits/ choccie iof needed. When I go swimming I always take fruit etc for the kids so they can sit and much when they are dressed. I also think that older children can play up when they see that their precious 'time with mummy' is coming to an end!

I have actually got the How to Talk book, bought with my older two in mind, but wasn't wildly impressed. Maybe I should go back to it. In fact i think I have been putting it into practise with him, as he is a very verbal child. his speech is advanced for his age and he counts to ten in french too! He likes to instigate proper conversations etc, BUT when he's in these moods he just lashes out (ie scratches really badly) if I go down to his level to try to engage with him.
Prefernot, what you said is very interesting - do you really recommend this book then? I just feel I have SO many of them now I like to be as sure as possible that they will be useful before forking out for another one. The reason it strikes a chord is that he has this awful screaming habit, which has got a bit better recently, but still happens when he is feeling highly emotional or frustrated and doesn't know how else to express himself. Yesterday's behaviour actually kicked off with him unrolling an entire kitchen roll over the hall floor while I was on the phone - a really unavoidable call or I wouldn't have let it happen. I came off the phone and made that sobbing, I-really-want-to-cry noise, and he stood and looked and me, then took a deep breath and screamed as loud as he could.

Sorry, HMC, I don't want to take over your thread, I'm really "challenging" the advice that you are getting in a "what if" sort of a way. As you say, there are some situations where +ve parenting just doesn't work - so what does one do at those times?

hula hoops for getting changed nicely - work wonders for 2 year old dd2

I have stomped out of the local swimming pool with DS1 when he was 2/3 with him under my arm warapped only in a towel screaming as he didn't want to come out of the pool. I recall pinning him into the carseat and him being asleep within 5 mins.

Ignore the scream and exchange knowling looks with other mothers on your way past! We've all been there.

I have exactly the same thing go on with my usually co-operative 20mth dd on a regular basis.

And in the children's defence, i just think they know when mummy is under pressure/tired/stressed and they sense that this is there chance to experiment with life skills! (polite way to describe it)

I remember reading that children play up like this because they realise they can. Not out of spite or to annoy anyone, just because they can, and they are learning about life and there own ability they have to change things, and make things happen - such as steam come out of mummy's ears!

I agree with the other advice here, bribes are sometimes useful, when in public and under pressure, i just ignore tears and tantrums and dress dd myself or strap into buggy/car-seat and whisk off quickly she soon finds something else to look at or do.

It is a comfort when another mum gives a knowing smile though, so you realise not everyone thinks you have just beaten your child.

Thanks everyone - it was reassuring to hear that you didn't think that I handled the situation too badly. Yes I will use a distraction technique of plying my child with a bag of crisps / chocolate next time so that hopefully she simply forgets to be obstructive!....and I think that I might be giving the books that are mentioned a bit of a try.