Explaining Autism to a 4 year old

[THERESA]

My daughter is nerarly 4 and quite bright. At a birthday party recently there was a 7 year old boy with Autism. He bumped into her a few times and I think he hit her once. We tried to make light of it, saying it was just an accident, whilst thanking our lucky stars for 2 healthy children. Then at a soft play yesterday another boy whacked her over the head. I was understandably quite cross and told him so, when his dad came dashing over and explained that he had Autism and so I found myself apologising for my reaction. I decided that jenny need an explanation as she was referring to him as a 'very naughty boy'. I said that he had something wrong in his head which made him do things that seemed naughty and we were very lucky that we didn't have anything wrong in our heads. I really don't know whether this was well handled or not. What does anyone else think?

Oh shit Jimjams how can people be so F*** horrible?

Have you comes across the book "home educating our autistic spectrum children"? Not so much for the home ed bit- but there are case studies where children have spent some happy years at Stenier schools etc (where the ethos can be a bit more accepting of difference). When ds1 looked as if he was going to be high functioning we looked into that as an option. Depends on your local schools but can be viable sometimes.

Because they're little shits hmb (it also happened to be in one of the most deprived areas of Europe- not an excuse - but poverty etc etc- you know you teach those kids).

You are quite right. I hate to thing just how horrible their dark little hearts must been or their sad , twisted little minds. They would have been first in the queue to volenteer to help out at the gas chambers, whouldn't they? Make you fing well weep

I think rejection by societygoes a lot deeper. We all like to think we are civilised but the pack reaction is quite common.An animal mother would get rid if her young if she felt at birth that her offspring was less than perfect, or unfit to survive or would not be accepted by the herd.. I know it might seem controversial but I think the primitive side of human nature cant abide anything that is not strong or fit. Children are little savages at heart but we were all children until we were socialised to behave differently. Some never do of course!

My son is sitting his GCE's next year so you might say he is too high functioning for a special school. This has always been the case with him. However I can honestly say that his wonderful teachers and dedicated staff atprimary school and of course our love and support[we have taken him everywhere inspite of 'the looks' and involved him in all aspects of our lives]have made him what he is The State must have spent thousands and thousands of pounds on special support full time support, only to see the effects smashed to pieces by high schoolHis primary school SATS results were above average 4,4,5 a true miracle since he started school with no speech but his GCSE results are likely to be the lowest grades.
HE attends the best school in our district so what chance would he have in some inner city schools. MY daughter who has no disabilities was hounded out of the same school by bullies with a long history of victimization She has not been to school for a year and the education welfare has not been in touch for at least 6 months she is already 16 so no GCSEs for her and the bullies are still in school. So what chance have our autistic children got?

I do think this child deserves a better chance of education than the one he is receiving. I know a lot of it is down to the LEA trying to pay as little as possible to educate any child with special needs.

Rainthepain when I referred to the "accomplice" he is a boy who does not have special educational needs but apparently has a stressful home life. From what I have heard from another parent whose son is a friend of the autistic boy this accomplice has told the autistic boy what to do and he has gone along.

A lot of this is hearsay and gossip but as you can imagine the autistic child is baring the brunt of the blame. I really don't know the truth but I think the autistic boy must be genuinely autistic to have gotten a statement. The other problem is he happens to be in a class which contains some rather rowdy boys with troublesome behaviour. I am not sure how compliant an autistic child would be if told to do something to win approval? Basically the situation is definitely becoming a big for several children in the school. Hopefully things will change when support is provided.

but stripey- really it is govt driven- in some sense the LEA's hands are tied, the drive to close special schools comes from above. Which is why I say write to your MP. Please!

Rainthepain

Stripey
my son receives maximum tarrif for Autism which is 16 hours per week.presumably he is only autistic for 16 school hours a week! on a more serious note it is upto the school to decide where to spend the hours as they see fit. He might have support in maths once a week but for the other maths lessons he is alone in the classroom.Again presumably he only needs support in one lesson and not the others! Its mad!

Jimjams you have persuaded me. Do I write to the Education Minister - is there a specific place to express my discust at the current education policy and the lack of support for special needs children?

We must not forget that the tarrifs were reduced a few years ago. When my child was first statemented he got full time sen assistant and then he was lucky enough to get a women who was returning to work but was a high flying graduate who now works in the LEA SEN department. She was brilliant and committed and we owe a lot to her. So much is down to luck. When the tarrifs were changed different disabilities warranted fixed tarrifs. My son gets the maximum he can be given they just do not fit in with secondary teaching styles and methods If he is withdrawn from lessons to meet individual learning plans he misses out on lessons so gets behind. Most general support provided by school is after school---after school clubs for study skills, but my child will not stay in school a minute longer than he has to!

stripey - write to your MP and copy to as many people as possible (deafintiely councillors and head of lifelong learning at your LEA). Education minister would be worthwhile. I'll dig out a letter I sent recently about inclusion and post in a minute.

I do think the more that NT parents complain the more they have to take notice. My child will never be voting, and our family is currently 2 votes. A class of 30- well more votes at stake.

I do not think we should be too down on inclusion policies. we all have to live in the real world with people of all abilities race and creed and in principle it is good that disabled children are included I just think there is still a lot of work to be done to get it right. Of course if inclusion is just an excuse to get rid of special schools and save money then this is quite another matter!If extra money was put in to matchthe money saved on special school closures then maybe we wouldnt be so sceptical I have a friend whos daughter is severely disabled due to Turner syndrome and because the school coulnt afford the money to adapt the school to her wheelchair the whole timetable for her year had to be adapted so that this pupil could have all her lessons on the ground floor!

Ignore the numbers- they related to a conference/consulation I attended

Dear Dr
XXXXX
Re The Inclusion Strategy Conference 2005-2008

Please find some comments below. Please note my son is non-verbal and has an autistic spectrum disorder. He attended mainstream school for 4 terms, and now attends XXXXX Special School.

8. How can we promote/improve support for pupils emotional, social and behavioural needs in school?

If children are not secure in school they cannot learn or be educated. In many cases the actual physical structure of a mainstream school can make it difficult for a child with conditions such as ASD. When my son attended mainstream school his workstation was next to the classroom door (the only place there was room for it). This door was left open and he frequently ran away through it. The constant distraction of the open door made it difficult for him to attend or behave. At his special school, the doors all have high handles making such escape impossible. Subsequently he has been able to concentrate and learn.

Children with ASD often show challenging behaviour. This needs to be dealt with in a particular way to prevent escalation. At mainstream school staff were not adequately trained to cope with my son?s challenging behaviours. In the two terms that he has been at special school his behaviour is now generally good, and he is able to behave appropriately on trips into the community.

At mainstream school my son had no peer group. He was unable to interact even at the most basic level with other children in his class. He never saw the children outside the school day and couldn?t attend any extra-curricular activities. Now at special school he spends the day with his peer group, he is invited to birthday parties and he accesses all parts of school life. Consequently he is a much calmer, happier little boy.

9. How can we more effectively and efficiently use financial resources to support inclusion?

A large problem here is that some of the resources that the statement specifies are not normally provided by the LEA, although the LEA retains responsibility for their provision. For example when in mainstream, my son had a statement specifying Speech and Language Therapy. As this is an educational need (for my non-verbal son) it was quite properly in parts 2 and 3 of the statement. This meant the LEA had responsibility to provide the SALT for my son. When his therapist went on maternity leave, and the health authority decided not to provide cover the LEA therefore had to pay a private therapist to cover her hours. This is obviously not an efficient use of resources, but as parents become more aware that speech and language therapy belongs in parts 2 and 3 of the statement this sort of situation may become more common. Especially as the health authority are now cutting the hours provided by the specialist speech and language therapist.

10. How can we ensure that our schools buildings support inclusion of all pupils?

It is important to remember that even physically able children can have problems with school buildings. Many children on the autistic spectrum struggle with fluorescent lights or are unable to enter toilets that are smelly and noisy (with hand dryers). They may require a workstation and space for a communication board. They may require a quiet area. Some children on the autistic spectrum are ?runners?- the open access of a mainstream school may make it too easy for them to leave the school grounds.

1. How can we best promote and support inclusion in schools to meet the needs of all pupils?

We need to remember that for some pupils their best chance of inclusion comes through being able to access specialist provision. At mainstream school my son was unable to take part in school plays, unable to take part in sports day, unable to go on school trips, unable to work to the same curriculum as his year group. At special school he is fully involved in all aspects of school life and also has weekly trips into the community. The curriculum is built around his needs. He is now a much happier little boy and as a family we are much more relaxed.

Currently there is a insufficient funding to support inclusion effectively. However even with an increase in funding and the provision of more suitable training for LSAs and teachers there will still be children who are not suited to attending mainstream. Children on the autistic spectrum in particular are always going to find busy mainstream classrooms difficult because of the nature of their sensory problems. If these children have additional learning difficulties or language disorders then the high level of well trained support that is necessary for inclusion to even begin to work becomes impossible to provide. In my view the best way to promote inclusion is often through the provision of well resourced and well financed special schools.

Yours sincerely

rainthepain I don't know what to say really you are obviously very committed to your son and are doing everything you can to get him a decent education. I am very sorry to hear about your daughter I just don't understand how the bullies seem to get away with so much in schools it really is shocking.

thanks jimjams I so hope they don't manage to close ALL of the Special Needs schools as I think for certain children they really do make a huge difference.

They won't stripeymouse. DS1 school is SLD/PMLD (ages 3-19) and caters for challenging behaviours. There is no way the children at that school could attend mainstream, the majority are in nappies, many require 24 hour nursing care and they've just shut another local PMLD school (and had problems placing the 11 students).

TBH in terms of schooling it is harder for the higher functioning children. There are very good schools for children like ds1, it's harder to find something suitable if your child is high functioning. Especially at secondary. I love ds1's school - it is the most amazing place (and very levelling as well). HIs teachers inspire absolute loyalty in me I feel so lucky to have it- and very pleased that we know he can stay there until 19. Whatever else happens I know his life from age 5-19 will be secure and happy.

jimjam thank you for your excellent article.
I have four children and they have all attended a small primary school with one class per year,from reception to year six. I believe this is why my sons statement worked so well in this school not to mention the fact that the school was in an excellent catcment area where all the childrens parents were professionals, and all the children were highly motivated to learn. I chose this school by exercising my right to choose and because i live in the north of England there was less pressure for places and my application was accepted. It was important to me that my son attended the same school as his sisters because it created continuity in our family and meant my son went to a school with which he was already familiar.I would not have been happy for him to atted a special school though he did attend one for his nursery year for assessment.My instincts told me he would thrive in that school and i worked very hard with the school staff so that my son could achieve the astounding results he did. Parents usually know their child better than anyone else and only they know if their child would be better in a special school environment both academically and emotionally. My son would have hated to be perceived as different to his sisters and I guess this is the part of him that has proved he is a high functioning autistic child--insightand intellect. I believe intellectual autistic children have more of a chance because the intellect takes over with maturity and the child can (although with difficulty) modify his behaviour to what he perceives as acceptable and so can hide his symptoms and differences. My son is profound in his intelligence but immature in his behaviour and i am hoping that one day the former will match the latter.

Thank you all so much for this forum today it has given me chance to talk and to listen to people (i suspect of all walks and occupations)Autism respects no social class and in that sense is a great leveller!

Stripey

Your post jumped out because I was on the opposite end of something very similar at Sam's last school (the one we removed him from).

Do what you need to in the way of dealing with this, but can I make one request: keep the parents of the child involved. You see, I went to pick Sam up from school last year but got taken aside by a good friend. Apparently many of the other mothers (who had known each other for years- Sam had attended a different, IMO better, Montessori nursery) had got together and approached the school and asked for Sam to be excluded 'as a little bas^*rd' (not a nice area). Because I was forewarned I could approach the Teachers and look into it and take action from there. It was a week before we got Sam's dx, yet nobody had mentioned Sam's dx to the parents so they didn't know. As far as I am aware there were no specific incidents apart from one that endangered anybody, and I am reliably told that was 50/50.

If somebody had thought to talk to me first I could have intervened with Sam, his teachers, given the parents an explanation and at least have felt that it wasn't ME being punished!

FWIW tho the school didn't exactly help: they had a behaviour book which they used to record everything Sam did, but I wasn't allowed access to it, and it was filled in very obviously in front of the other kids each day.

His new school is much better. they are a faith school (not by choice, by village school catchment when we moved) and that set of rules etc suits him. The only problem I am raising tho is the Teacher who rewards him with stickers for sitting quietly when we WANT him to interact!

Jimjams- when I was at school they had a few classrooms which housed the special needs classes, some of the kids were quite severe in their needs requirement- cerebral palsy at the upper end for example- and the kids were allowed to integrate with the rest where genuinely sensible. So, if we had a rt class some would join us, and maybe some at lunch or whatever. But equally they ahd special staff and it was all tailored to the individual child. As a result the SN kids got the right package for them, and we got to integrate (and learn about) with the sn kids. Why can't they do that these days?