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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Worried about autism

31 replies

Susiejo77 · 15/04/2018 10:13

My son has just turned 16mths. I started to have concerns around 13mths, he used to not respond to his name, we had a hearing test and he has moderate hearing loss - glue ear. We are due to see the ENT specialist again in 3wks time and if the test is still bad and his glue ear is still there he will have grommets inserted. Since finding out about the glue ear his name response has really improved, he responds maybe 70-80% of the time, mainly when he's not engrossed playing with something, but if the to is on, no chance he won't respond. The responding to his name is no longer my main concern now. He doesn't clap, point or wave, my husband and I are pointing at everything it is worrying, he just doesn't seem to get it. I have seen him clap a couple of time briefly in a sing along baby class, and at 10mth I thought he was starting to wave but he seemed to have just stopped and now just looks blankly at you when we wave at everything. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has been through this and what the outcome was? He has two words only mama and dada, he babbles a lot, makes good eye contact and smiles, loves cuddles although he's not a kisser, loves cuddly toys, kicks a ball around, he doesn't pretend play really, although he will push cars along like they are driving and we play a very basic hide and seek, where he comes and finds me in the same few spots and gets super excited. He follows basic instruction, like come here, usually if I follow it with a come here hand gesture, other than that I can see he is way behind the rest of his nct class, they are pointing at objects and starting to say the words. Does anyone have any advise, or experience of what I'm going through? I'm so worried, it's sad because I want to enjoy this time with him but I'm just filled with worry

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AjasLipstick · 15/04/2018 10:35

He's very small still. I know that doesn't mean he isn't Autistic but it does mean that he may simply not have developed those skills yet. A hearing issue can really set a child back but once resolved, they whoosh forward and catch up in no time.

My older DD now 13 didn't wave....she didn't clap either! She spoke fluently and early which also worried me as that's sometimes a sign of Aspergers...but she's not on the spectrum.

Many children under the age of 3 display one or more traits of Autism and that's why it's hard to say if they are or not.

Have you done the Mchat test?www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/diagnosis/mchat

AjasLipstick · 15/04/2018 10:36

www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/diagnosis/mchat

SaucyJane · 15/04/2018 11:16

Unfortunately nobody can give you the reassurance you need at this stage . You're doing absolutely the right thing in getting everything checked.

If anecdotes help, I will say that a friend of mine thought his son had autism or learning difficulties - it was glue ear in the end. He came on in huge leaps and bounds after having a grommet and now he's 6 you'd have no idea his speech etc had ever been delayed. So you might find something similar 🤞🏻

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 15/04/2018 13:09

Thanks AlasLipstick, yes I did complete the mchat, DS scored 5

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Original poster

Susiejo77 · 15/04/2018 13:11

Thank you SaucyJane!

I'm hoping and praying it is the glue ear that has caused the delay, I'm deep down thinking a hearing issue would not stop him wanting to mimick pointing, clapping or waving though. I hate having this anxiety

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AddictiveCereal · 15/04/2018 13:30

Instead of worrying so much about this just try to be relax. He will only be a baby once. He sounds quite normal to me - not all babies do everything expected but might catch up a few months down the line.

I have an 8 year old who has autism and he has a very happy life. He is getting on very well in school and has lots of interests. I never noticied it until he was aged about 4 even though in hindsight it was probably obvious. Knowing earlier wouldn't have helped us as I would probably have worried about it instead of just being happy. If a child has autism they have it from birth and being stressed trying to anxiously encourage pointing and clapping and over analysing behaviour won't be good for anyone. Keep an eye on things as if he does turn out to have issues then being diagnosed will help him but there is no need to panic at such a young age.

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 15/04/2018 21:53

Hi addictivecereal, thank you for you response, I know you are right, it probably doesn't help I am a natural worrier, I suffer with generalised anxiety on a everyday basis anyway, I guess I am getting ahead of myself, but with my anxiety I tend to worry before I need to to soften the blow, if you get my meaning. Of course like you say your son has a very happy life and I will wish for that, it's the uncertainty I don't deal very well with. I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you remember if your DS had any traits when he was my sons age? I is good to hear your son is doing well, from the sounds of it - he is at a main stream school?

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AddictiveCereal · 15/04/2018 22:42

I understand how you feel as I am also a big worrier and very anxious. Its easy for me to say 'don't worry' when I have come out the other side - but I did worry hugely too when I started to notice signs of autism at about age 4. Whenever I googled anything about autism it seemed so negative and I thought my son would have a terrible life. I remember wishing I had a crystal ball so I could see the future - as I couldn't bear the uncertainty.

My son is in mainstream and is doing very well - with the help of some adaptions. He gets movement breaks to regulate his energy levels and he gets some time to work one to one with a teacher to improve his social and motor skills. He is well able for the academic work. His biggest issue is that he doesn't easily make close friends but he gets along with everyone in his class and they seem to like him. He is very happy in himself and confident so its hard to feel worried about him when he is so content. He is luckier than me as he is never crippled by anxiety or self-doubt!

The only thing I remember about my son as a baby was that he seemed a bit grumpier than other babies. And when he woke from his nap he would be very, very grumpy for ages. He grew out of the grumpiness. I know other babies who were later diagnosed with autism but they were unusually placid and content and rarely fussed. Autism can present so differently in different people.

If I travelled back in time and saw my DS as a baby I bet now I could spot the autism - but at the time I was oblivious to it as it never occured to me that he was developing differently so I didn't look closely.

Spotting it early was not important for my DS but might be important for children with speech issues etc. My DS really only needed help from when he started school.

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 15/04/2018 22:54

Hi AddictiveCereal, thanks again for the response, it sounds like your son is flying. I really hope that my baby boy makes it into main stream school. I guess at this young age I have no idea how it will pan out 🤞🤞🤞🤞🙏🙏for the best possible outcome for him.

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Original poster

Susiejo77 · 15/04/2018 22:55

Sorry could I ask what your sons diagnosis was? Is it mild autism?

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AjasLipstick · 16/04/2018 00:07

I'm pretty sure that "mild autism" is what's called Aspergers Syndrome OP. There's no diagnoses of mild autism....Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that...a spectrum with some individuals having more complex needs than others.

As others have said, the best thing would be to seek support in the shape of a specialist which your GP should be able to arrange. The "test" isn't traumatic and involves playing with your child and talking to you.

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 16/04/2018 07:51

I see, I have already been to the gp twice. It's very much wait watch and see - annoyingly. I am taking him to speech and language drop in today, so perhaps they will be more helpful. I suspect I won't get the "test" until he's older. I will ask today - many thanks for the advice.

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AddictiveCereal · 16/04/2018 10:18

Hi, my son was diagnosed with high functioing autism. This comic is good as it explains the idea of the spectrum clearly - and shows how one person can be high functioing in some areas and lower functioning in others. So my son is 'mild' in some ways but not in others
themighty.com/2016/05/rebecca-burgess-comic-redesigns-the-autism-spectrum/

AjasLipstick · 16/04/2018 13:28

My friend's son was "tested" at age 2...they live in Wales though.

AjasLipstick · 16/04/2018 13:30

And I would like to add, that while he did get a diagnoses, it in no way diminishes his brilliance, beauty, talents or charm. He is what and who he is and is accepted and loved by family and peers alike.

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 16/04/2018 19:03

So, I took him to speech and language drop in today, we waited 3hrs to be told, him reaching for things is what they expect and not to worry for now about the clapping waving and pointing, I was a bit shocked, I was told to come back in 6months!!!! Feel like no one is helping me here

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Original poster

Susiejo77 · 19/04/2018 05:08

So, this evening my husband and I were sitting on the sofa, my son looked at the ball in our kitchen, came over to me held my hand pulled me to get up and took me over to ball to play. After dropping me off by the ball he collected my husband and we all played kicking and throwing the ball around. He loved it. I'm just curious would this be considered joint attention? I realised he didn't point to the ball, so maybe not but he was sharing attention with us. Or is the fact that he didn't point and he pulled us a autistic trait?

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AjasLipstick · 19/04/2018 08:26

It's not black and white OP and that's why it's so hard. Him not showing one sign doesn't cancel out him showing another...and that's what Autism is like.

For every child who doesn't like loud noises, there will be some who do...for those who don't point there will be others who can...both could be on the spectrum though.

Whilst it's really hard...it's important you should try to enjoy your son without guessing anything.

I would push for a developmental assessment though He is not too young and sometimes fobbing you off, will get rid of some parents but not others....ask to see another GP.

AddictiveCereal · 20/04/2018 14:04

My son did many, many things as a baby that would be regarded as joint attention but he still has autism. Only an expert will know for sure if your child has autism but if you are spening so much time analysing your son's behaviour you won't enjoy your time with him properly now. Are you being treated for your anxiety?

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 20/04/2018 15:04

Hi there Addictivecereal,

Yes I recently went to the doctors about my anxiety returning and I've just started treatment. Thank you for asking.

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Original poster

Susiejo77 · 20/04/2018 15:09

I have chatted with my husband and we are going to start ABA with DS regardless of getting a diagnosis as I can see it's going to be a long road. We spoke about seeing a private behavioural peadatrician but we wondered if it would be a waste of money just for our reassurance or to know, as we wouldn't get any help from the NHS with a private diagnosis? it might be hard for them to diagnose now and he'd end up with a ASD diagnosis later after potentially being told they didn't think he had a problem - if you know what I mean? The ABA training is expensive but it's better than sitting and waiting, and it will help give him the best possible outcome 🤞🤞

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Original poster

Susiejo77 · 20/04/2018 15:09

AddictiveCereal, do you remember you son, pointing, waving and clapping?

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Talia89 · 25/04/2018 15:17

Hi there, I am having trouble with my 26 month old boy. When he was about 1yr old he was playing along side of other children, he would wave to people etc. Now he is a completely different child, evertime someone approaches him he runs towards me and cuddles up. Same thing is with other children. He has been going to the daycare no and again. He cries every time he goes in. But when I would pick him up he would have a massive smile on his face. What should I do? Should I try to look to help? Or is it just a phase he is going through? Has anyone had similar situation?

Bpr187 · 19/04/2020 21:50

Hi @Susiejo77
I’m going through this now and I am worrying so much. I was just wondering - How is your son now? I’ve just been reading about your experience and saw that you were going to start ABA. Did you find it useful? Xx

Original poster

Susiejo77 · 19/04/2020 22:41

Hi @Bpr187

Agonising isn’t it. What is making you worry about your son/daughter?

My son turned 3 in December and he was diagnosed early february.

We did start ABA, but I think you need to make sure you get a good consultant and follow you gut. We didn’t settle on that and found a perfect therapist and consultant that respect my son’s differences as he’s flourishing now. He has over 100 words, is very social - he just struggles with playing, he doesn’t know how to imaginary play and he has some repeative behaviours, he know his numbers up to 10, letters and phoenics and amazes us everyday. Autism is just a name for a number of traits he has, it doesn’t define him. Please don’t worry, it’s very scary when you first start to think it!!!!! But it’s really not as bad as you think, Autism comes with a lot of good too, hyper focus and truth xxxxx

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