3 year old constantly whining and grumpy

[GlummyMummy]

My three year old daughter has always been hard work (she's very bright and into everything) but lately she just seems to be grumpy all the time and goes through her day whingeing about anything and everything. I feel like I'm treading on eggshells so as not to upset her, she is hyper sensitive about everything. She whines about what I've made her for tea, then if I offer an alternative she says yes and then when it's put in front of her, she'll start crying because I put it on the wrong plate!! It's the end of the world if she gets a speck of water on her clothes when shes washing her hands and if you dare to cut her toast in half she will throw the plate on the floor.

She doesn't play by herself at all now, just follows me about complaining she's tired or hungry or just generally whining! I have had to cut down on the activities we are doing out of the house as she was being rough and hitting other kids for no reason, even when they just walked past her!

Her eating isn't great, always looking for snacks but only about three meals she will eat, most teatimes go along the lines of it being put in front of her at 5.30, she has a meltdown about it, runs away and then we eventually managed to coax her to eat something using the phone or something as a distraction about 6.30, by which time it's bath time. Even meals she used to like are slowly being eliminated now.

She used to be a cheery bubbly thing, it's like a totally different child! Anyone any ideas as to how to cope with the whining as it's driving me mad! Is this a normal phase at this age or should I be worried? Any ideas on how to curb the violence with other kids? A lot of her problems are down to tiredness as shes up at least once a night and very early starts, tried everything to get her to sleep longer.

Sorry for the rambling post!!! I thought the baby stage was meant to be the hardest but this is exhausting!!!!

Anyone have any advice please? Having a particularly difficult week!!

I feel your pain. DS is now 3 and 7 months and in the last month has turned a massive corner. I think it was a horrible phase! He's still not eating at dinner but become far less grumpy and much calmer and happier. He's also up in night and an early waker but has just dropped his nap and seems to be working better. No advice but perhaps hope that it will get better!

Another one feeling your pain .

My 3 year old is exactly the same! So whingy, sensitive, easily upset. I'm not really enjoying him much at the moment!

Think it must be a 3 year old thing. Mine has changed from being a very chilled boy to one that's increasing high maintenance. Nothing is ever right, despite being exactly the same as what he wanted it like yesterday! Infuriating.

With my kids whining at that age, it helped me to teach them about what whining sounded like. I used to put on a whiny siren voice and whine " I really don't like whiiiiiiiining because I can't understand what you say" and then I'd switch to a nice, normal voice and say, "ask me in a normal voice what you would like."
That helped me.

With the other stuff, maybe take a really good look at the sugar content of her diet. All the sweet snack foods like muesli bars or yoghurts or sweet biscuits can make kids peak, crash and burn. It could be that? Mine are much nicer when they're given less sugar.

Does she still nap?

I wouldn't make alternative meals (I don't ) just present a meal, try to include one thing you know she will eat, make no fuss, no coaxing or bribing with phones, just leave her to it. If she doesn't eat it then she doesn't. Really limit snacks to just fruit, not too filling.

I have a 3.5 year old whiner and all whines are just ignored! I sometimes say 'I just can't understand you when you make that whiney voice' but otherwise just don't acknowledge it.

I could have written your post. My ds is quite honestly driving me mad at the moment. I know I need to be consistent and to stop pandering to her so much. I almost feel bullied by her Her eating is getting worse and I can see her trying to gain control over every situation she finds herself in. It seems an utterly exhausting way to be, but I guess she's trying to assert her independence and is naturally very feisty anyway. All traits that will stand her in good stead, though it is turning me very overweight by the amount of wine I turn to in the evening!

Thanks for the responses everyone! It's nice to know it may just be a normal three year old thing that she will eventually grow out of.

I do think the problem is made much worse by her poor sleep. Her sleep has gone from bad to worse in the last couple of weeks, so she's now up roughly 3-4 times a night, and the most sleep we/she is getting in a row is 4 hours. I feel if we could sort out the sleep thing, she might be a bit less grumpy and prickly during the day. Have tried everything, putting her to bed earlier/later, bribing her with rewards, but she still wakes up at the same times each night. She hasn't napped for a while now, and on occasions when I do let her nap (if she's had a particularly early wake up, eg 5.30am start), we have a lot of trouble getting her to go to bed at night.

Plus as Kiwi said, she does have quite a bit of sugar in her diet. Not that I'm giving her sweets or anything, but she does eat quite a bit of fruit, and loves smoothies to drink! So many of the supposedly healthy snacks have sugar in them!

The main issue we are having just now, aside from the whining, is that she is hitting/being rough with other children. Its getting to the stage now where I am cutting back on everything I go, and not inviting any kids round to play, cause I find it so stressful its just not worth the upset! She isn't doing it out of aggression, its just that she wants to play with them but doesn't quite know how to go about it. If she approaches another child and talks to them and they ignore her as many do at this age, she then pushes or hits them to get a reaction/ get my attention. I am struggling to find the best way to discipline her...anyone any experience of this?

Have found this past few months the worst yet, bring back the baby stage in a heartbeat!!! And yeah Queazy, for me it's junk food when she goes to bed, feel I have to reward myself after another hard day!!!

Hi I am having the same troubles with my almost 4 year old. She has always been a challenge, trying to predict and manage meltdowns but it’s just really really bad the last few weeks where she is just so angry. She bites and pushes her sister and wants me to hold her most of the day. Every single thing is a battle. She often just falls to the ground screaming that she wants a hug, I feel like all my time and energy is on her and her meltdowns 🙁.
She sleeps 10 hrs a night ( dropped naps long ago). And I can’t help but feel like she would be happy if she got more sleep but have no Magic wand for that. Anyone get through this??

Defiantly a 3 year old thing! My girl was an amazing 2 year old I felt smug when people would say about terrible twos as we never had it. But she’s just turned 3 August then started pre school September and wow she’s on another level. Full of attitude, answer to everything, very whiney and up to mischief. She has gone through a huge change with a new sibling but I do everything in my power to give her my love and time but feel like there’s no pleasing her. I do treat days for just me and her (trampoline park etc) but feel like she throws it back in my face half the time she’s so grumpy. She has complete meltdown if she gets wet when I’m washing her hands.. choose the wrong knickers.. give her the wrong cup the list goes on 😭
Mine too has gone funny with her food. We give her two options of breakfast .. and tea time has been literally awful the last few months but slightly improved that we have changed eating time to 4:30pm instead of 5pm and we all sit and eat round the table with no tv on. She’s asleep for 6:30pm now as we moved bedtime.
She refuses a nap but I can see in her eyes how tired she is so I try avoid to do anything where her brain will burn out. Her tiredness affecting her moods got so bad I avoided social situations. I’ve started doing more baths so she can chill and play. She won’t play with her toys without me much anymore so I set up colouring and play doh activities if I need to get jobs done.
I think it’s a ride out stage ..: my sister said it gets better as they turn to the ‘trusty 4’.

If there's a new baby then it's easy to see why a 3 year old is annoying, they're usually jealous. I remember our dd1 being jealous of her newsister , (despite of all the attention I carefully paid to her , involving her with bedtimes, feeding etc.) They love one another now , it was a stage !

IMO and E it's them wanting independence. So give them proper choices at mealtimes. (maybe put the food in different bowls so they can help themselves) Also get them helping to make the meals. Choose their own clothes etc.

Only give them fruit for snacks, good, organic seasonal fruit that they can prepare for themselves. The sugar in fruit is natural with plenty of vitamins and fibre.

Be careful with high sugar squashes, ready made smoothies etc. the sweeteners are not particularly good either. Water is fine. Maybe give a camomile tea at bedtime (or a couple of drops of lavender essential oil on their pillow) it's good for relaxing them. Some dds are not good with milk either.

Would be interested to see whether OP now has turned a corner 2.5 years later!

Similar issue here. DD2 is 3.9 and is ruling the roost. Her big sister says "just give her what she wants, it's quieter that way" she almost single handedly ruined our Christmas break and my DH's big birthday celebration.

Have now decided the only way through it is to ignore and

Come on Slum She is only little, it's ok to ignore but it's better to make sure you notice when she's being 'good' and to say something so she hears the positive comment and wants to to continue getting your attention for being good not for being a pain.

Make up stories with her and her sister, to act out, or as I said do the goldilocks breakfast together, it works because they feel involved.

Definitely NOT just a girl thing!

I have a rather fiery three year old so was very pleased to find this thread. When he's happy, he's the most fun person in the room. He's bright, articulate, and good at playing independently but oh the tantrums! Pretty much every everyday task ends up in a battle and there's lots of stomping and shouting for even the simplest things. Instead of asking for a drink, he'll shout ' I. AM. THIRSTY!' at me. I'm trying to encourage better manners but also not sure if he's just a bit of a grumpy bum! He's also super cuddly and I am definitely his favourite person in the world. Maybe that's why I get the worst behaviour.

Hi - I have a 3 year old going through the same things! Really want to here how the ones from 2017 and 2019 are now?! Give me some hope!

*hear

I'm the same!! He is a nightmare at the minute. Wont settle at nursery, kicks off over everything, says his Ill all the time to get attention/get out of nursery. Always wants the impossible ('I need my bike to balance all on its own') and plays up somthing rotten! Please help

Hi! My 3 year old daughter has changed so much recently (new sister born 5 weeks ago) she refuses to wear clothes, everything annoys her. Pants, socks, leggings, bottoms. I’m finding it very stressful to deal with her when it comes to getting ready for nursery. It’s a begging match to get her to wear something. Also she complains about being warm and if she is warm she gets very flustered and upset.

I’m thinking baby coming along has something to do with it, has always hated wearing pants but not every item of clothing in the wardrobe.

Spoke to the staff in nursery and they say only thing has changed since sister coming along is she is more emotional.

She is very smart. I think she is just testing me and her dad but I’m also worried is there an underlying problem as the clothes seem to be a sensory thing.

Any advice greatly appreciated

My 3 year old son behaves exactly the same. I hope this situation improved for you. I guess all we can do is model the right behaviour and try to remain calm while teaching the correct manners and behaviour. Definitely must be a developmental stage trying to assert their dominance and independence. Can’t let them think they are boss but instead give them something better to be the boss of or, in charge of. My sons favourite new word is just Why to everything I say. Before I go crazy I now just respond with “think” when it’s something completely obvious and he tries to think about the answer he already knows. That seems to be helping a lot. We do rest time every day with reading eggs program to keep him still and quiet and that seems to give him that “rest break” otherwise he just won’t stay still at rest time. Then 1 hour quiet time in dim light before bed at 7-7:30pm. Reading books in bed or his reading program. Definitely gotta cut out packaged health snacks as well! I’d stick to fruit snacks but mainly in the morning. Afternoon snack can be yoghurt with a few berries! Wish you all luck as well, will be reading for more tips from you other Mums or dads!