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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dd2 won't hold my hand whilst walking along the road

49 replies

nearlythree · 12/03/2007 21:23

She's nearly three. She's very wilful and has no concept of danger or road safety at all. To make matters worse we live on a quiet lane and often walk down the middle of it, but cars can suddenly appear out of nowhere. ther is a path for most of it but dd2 throws a total fit if she doesn't walk in the lane. At the bottom of the lane the road gets busy and she needs to be close to me esp. a sparents from the school use the end of the lane for turning. I want to start taking her out for walks with baby ds in his buggy, too.

What can I do? I've tried a wrist strap, but either she slips it or I end up yanking her like she's a reluctant labrador.

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Aefondkiss · 12/03/2007 22:19

nearly three, my ds is like this, reins are my only option, though he does still go in our buggy, because I walk so much, he will hold my hand, but only if he wants to, so it can be hard, he does the whole, lying down on the ground thing too, if I try and hold his hand when he has other plans, is a total nightmare on the school walk/run

cat64 · 12/03/2007 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FrayedKnot · 12/03/2007 22:20

You can get a back pack with reins on it from somewhere I think....it looks less like reins I imagine, from both yours & her POV.

i can sympathise, DS is 3 this week and often refuses to hold my hand, but I only have him, so if necessary and he's very tired & uncooperative I pick him up.

Otherwise I can generally reason with him that he MUST hold hands when there are cars but can stop once we reach a safe place to walk (pavement / pedestrianised area etc).

I used reains when he was younger, as he walked quite early and was all over the place for ages...you know, would bend down and try to eat dog poo etc.

Aefondkiss · 12/03/2007 22:21

we had the backpack, with the strap attatched, but it has been lost, was good, though.

Original poster

nearlythree · 12/03/2007 22:21

Thanks all, reins or backpack reins thingy it is then!

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Mercy · 12/03/2007 22:30

Sorry have only read the OP.

ds has just turned 3 and I either threaten him with the buggy, or to leave him at home: or in reality cary him (heffalump that he is) or semi-drag him - the usual method in this house

Some 3 year olds are hard work imo. You have to be in control is such situations. We have stern words (mainly from dh) - they will sometimes listen to the adult who is not with them all tht time.

Good luck!

3littlefrogs · 12/03/2007 23:39

I had two very lively boys and kept them on reins till they were nearly 4. If I had not, they would have been squashed under a car or bus before their 3rd birthday. I simply cannot understand why reins have gone out of fashion. Every day I see people taking the most appalling risks with their children - but then I am a grumpy old woman...............

fortyplus · 13/03/2007 00:10

Did you see the recent thread about using reins? Someone said that when she was a teenager she saw a little boy of about 2 run out and get his head crushed by a bus.
Why worry about what people think? Safety is paramount.

And honestly... you don't need to lose battles like this with a 3 year old. If she can't be persuaded that there are times when she must do as you say then you are making a rod for your own back as she gets older.

bloss · 13/03/2007 01:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nearlythree · 13/03/2007 07:37

bloss, dd2 is definitely not reliable. I'd thopught of a backpack for ds but it will feel weird not to be able see him. Fortyplus, I do care what people think but it doesn't stop me from using the wrist strap and it won't stop me using reins. I didn't see the thread but having walked down the road recently with a friend who was letting her toddler who isn't even two yet walk on his own I can imagine how easily things happen. I think dd2 has been cut a lot of slack b/c she has been unwell and we are just relieved she is here.

The county coucil have just sent us a pack on road safety (they send them out when each child reaches three) so will go through the workbook withdd2 - think it will go over her head - but also have decided that as teh lane is very quiet at the weekend to go out with both dds and do road drill - stop, look, listen etc.

OP posts:

bloss · 13/03/2007 07:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nearlythree · 13/03/2007 08:03

Hmm, got to be worth a look...Hope we can get them in the UK - will do a google later but am off on the school run soon - minus dd2 as she doesn't go to pre-school on a Tuesday!

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FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2007 08:28

Nearlythree, what do you mean when you say ds is too big for a sling? You can carry children up to 2 stone in a ring sling - does he weight more than that?

Sorry to hear about this problem but I would agree that she must hold your hand / be restrained in this situation.

colditz · 13/03/2007 08:37

Um, I know I am almost nazi-ish at times - but do you have a muscular wasting problem, or other thing affecting your strength and dexterity?

By saying she 'won't' hold your hand, you imp[ly she has a choice. There is no 'won't' about it - she must hold you hand. and if she tries to let go, just don't let her.

I speak like the mother of 1 docile baby, I know, but I have the strongest, most escaping 4 year old I know - and a 1 year old.

You have to remove the choice here. Don't cajole, persuade or threaten, you just hold her. And if she won't hold you, hold her wrist, or hold her full reins.

try leaving the house every morning with time to spend 15 minutes in tjhe park. then, you can say, "We are going to the park. If you won't hold my hand nicely, we will go home"

And if she won't hold you hand nicely, go home!

bozza · 13/03/2007 08:50

I would get her a little backpack with reins - most 2yo girls love bags IME and then ask her which she wants to hold - your hand or the puschair and then insist she does this - but with the backup from the reins which you must grab everytime she lets go.

eidsvold · 13/03/2007 09:07

i'm with colditz - for us this is one of the non negotiables. I have to drop a 4yo with sn off at various places - sn kindy, kindy etc.

The 2y4m is expected to hold my hand in various situations but especially car parks, shops, walking along the road. She has tried to run off and done all the refusal BUT I have grabbed her arm, put her back in the buggy, made her hold the buggy or we go straight home.

She is now really good at holding hands, or the buggy - which will come in handy when no3 arrives next week.

Reins I used with dd1 - and she has learnt that holding hands is non negotiable. When mummy or daddy or whoever she is with asks that she hold their hand then she does. Again - she was a runner - we had reins, we've had huge tantrums BUT she knows - no hold hands - she goes in the buggy or we do not do something that she would like whilst we were out.

My 4yo is incredibly strong but the safety issues far outweigh any other consideration.
My two would be holding hands and on the path - no choice, no buts about it.

Original poster

nearlythree · 13/03/2007 09:23

I ordered some leather reins last night so they should be here by the end of the week. My reluctance to hold her wrist so tightly is b/c I am frightened she will hurt herself, or I will hurt her - her wrists are tiny and I am aware I have a very strong grip. However, she does get restrained if she runs - if we don't have the wrist strap then I pick her up - like I say this is a new problem, only the past week or so, and I want a better solution than the ones I've been using. The park isn't an option as she has pre-school three times a week, we drop of dd1 and then head there. As for slings, I will have to check ds's weight - he is huge for 9 mo - but we did try him with one as a nb and he hated it with a passion.

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FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2007 10:42

IME older babies who can sit up on your hip love to be in a sling as they suddenly are close to you and in a great position to chat, cuddle and see things from an adult perspective instead of being down near everyone's knees

Ds is nearly 4 and I could still carry him in the sling if I needed to so unless you have health problems I really doubt your ds is too heavy!

Original poster

nearlythree · 13/03/2007 10:47

It's the pressure on my shoulders that worries me, I have neck problems.

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2007 10:50

With a ring sling the weight is distributed mostly across your pelvis, but you may find it too much on your neck even so. Worth trying one out, I would think - they give you so many more options for travelling which I think is always a bonus

sunnysideup · 13/03/2007 10:57

I think the sling is a great idea. Hope it works, and the reins - I used reins with ds at this age as he was a darter, who believed that he was a bit of a 'god' who could stop the cars about to run him over, with a simple wave of his holy hand

As everyone has said, it is non-negotiable, and I had to be very firm with ds at times, who threw some interesting tantrums on a few roadsides....but they really do learn quickly...plus as with everything else, it's a phase....ds walks companionably by my side chatting now; he's 4 btw.

bran · 13/03/2007 11:03

There's a really cute backpack with reins thing that ds used to love to wear, we had the monkey, but there's also a bear and a puppy.

bloss · 13/03/2007 11:15

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nearlythree · 14/03/2007 20:15

Thanks again. Am going to ask around at pre-school to see if anyone has any slings/carriers I can try.

Took dd2 to pick up dd1 yesterday and ended up carrying her home all the way up the lane. Didn't do my neck too much good. Reins arrived this morning. Haven't tried them yet...

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