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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Confused new mum - advice please!!

35 replies

JimJammum · 07/03/2007 17:36

DS is now 9 weeks. Exclusively BF except on formula at 10.30pm. Born 7lb 13, now 13lb 13 (so not at ll tiny!!!!) On EASY routine and was feeding every 3 hours, but only now feeds for 10-15 mins (apparently this is fine says HV). Sleeps for 30-45 mins in the day and 3 hours at a time at night. According to my books he should be going longer than that at night, so upped the feeds to every 2 1/2 hours to ensure getting enough in the day. HV now says that is too often.

Help! How can I get DS to go longer at night?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

margo1974 · 10/03/2007 16:29

Sakura - I agree about the cups. My mum says that I would not take a bottle and went on to an ordinary cup at 9 months. Apparently I would go for hours without feeding if my mum had to go out as I refused to take a bottle.

IamBlossom · 10/03/2007 19:12

totally agree with most posts on here that you shouldn't get hung up on the bok's advice, and second time round I haven't bothred with it as much - HOWEVER I have recommneded TBW to my BF who has just had her dirst, because in the first few weeks of "OH SHIIIIIT! WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW???" when you have your first, being able to open a so-called manual that offers advice and a routine can actually save you from going completely mad with worry and stress. Once you get the hang of it I think you rely on it less, (unless you are my sister who is still following "she who shall not be named" religiously, but that's her right) and you can start to trust your instincts and your knowledge of your own baby's needs, but I did find that it was easier to disagree with some of the techniques, or decide they weren't right for me once the first few dark weeks of panic had passed..........IYKWIM..........

Original poster

JimJammum · 10/03/2007 21:57

Thanks to all who have responded...most helpful (and I wasn't really sure where to post this - sleep/eat - my first post too!) To address a few points: HV advised me to give ff at 10.30 in a bid to make him last longer at night. Also, thought it would make life easier if dh could do that feed if I went to bed earlier etc. Have not been able to express as ds doesn't nap for that long in day, and was finding it difficult to find the time, plus ds was putting on so much weight to start that HV was concerned it would be too much as well as feeding for little ol' me.

You are all right, of course, about baby not having read the books and to trust my instincts. Part of the reason for posting is that my mum has been combing the books for ways to get nipper to sleep more as I am tired, and I needed a bit of reassurance that perhaps what I was doing was OK???

OP posts:

margo1974 · 10/03/2007 22:30

The beauty of MN is that we can give you differing advice and you pick and choose which is best for you. That's the thing about childcare books, it's generally only one opinion given.

Use TBW for the stories of comfort, her anecdotes and the love that she tries to share.

But you know that we are here 24/7 to answer questions and offer support as well

bluejelly · 10/03/2007 22:36

Don't worry aboiut your baby putting on too much weight, you can't over-feed a breastfed baby. I'm sure you mum is trying to be helpful but I don't think that a baby who doesn't want to sleep long stretches can be persuaded to by any means!
Does your mum live nearby? Could she take the baby for an hour a day whilst you had a nap? I found that daytime sleeps were a godsend when my dd was small, even 20 minutes helped me feel refreshed and better able to cope!

Sakura · 11/03/2007 02:19

The reason your breastfed baby is putting on weight so well is because breast milk is ABSORBED so much better than formula. So it may look like your baby is putting a lot of pressure on your body to make milk ,but actually its just that hes absorbing every last scrap of iron and energy from your milk. FF babies dont absorb all the iron from the formula so they have a lot of waste.
If you need your DH to help you, its would be better that he was just understanding about the housework, brought you drinks when youre breastfeeding, and was just generally helpful, rather than giving your baby formula in the evening. Why not try breastfeeding your son at 10:30 anyway (if you really dont want to demand feed), and check if he does actually sleep longer with formula. If he sleeps about the same time, that would save you a lot of hassle (and money).

In my experience, the books stressed me out much more ( and caused problems actually with the rubbish breastfeeding advice) and when I shelved them in another room, I started to enjoy looking after my baby a lot more. Only you know what your baby needs, so just trust yourself.

macneil · 11/03/2007 06:15

I'm sorry, I have to raise my eyebrow at this:

"But because the formula doesnt contain vital immunites, FF babies may wake up frequently in the night if they are ill, but until around 6 months, BF babies cant really get ill."

I don't think this advice really answers the original question. I do think it's a rather inaccurate and scary thing to put out there, and - I'm sorry, I bang on about this a little more than I should - somewhat lacking in thoughtfulness for the women who can't breastfeed or choose to formula feed their babies for whatever reason, who nonetheless are trying to make every effort not to kill their babies off. I personally know a couple of BF babies who really did get ill before 6 months.

Sakura · 11/03/2007 07:27

SOrry, I know that formula is a godsend for many women who cant breastfeed. But it really irritates me that a woman who is happy to breastfeed has been pointed in the direction of commercial formula. Breastfed babies really cant pick up general bugs very easily because their mothers milk will help them fight any infection, wherease formula cant- that is a fact. Although BF babies can become ill it still means that if the same baby was being formula fed, it would still have become ill. So breastfeeding can prevent illness, whereas formula simply cannot do this. So if the OP was concerned about missing sleep, I just wanted to say that if she breastfeeds, her baby is less likely to pick up coughs and colds, and may end up sleeping better anyway.
Sorry again. Just very irritating to see the lack of support for breastfeeding from a health visitor of all people.

macneil · 11/03/2007 19:53

No, sure, it just stings when the - very real, I know - differences are exaggerated.

yellowrose · 12/03/2007 08:41

May I just say that my GP recommended a formula feed (just the one she said, most of my patients find they can get away with just the one) when ds was ONE WEEK old and all I had said was that I was knackered, had terrible post birth pelvic pain. I went to see her for pelvic pain not for suggestions on how to feed.

I agree with Sakura. Our health profs. do not understand that even "just the one" can lead down the path of reduced supply and full ff. There is absolutley NOTHING wrong with ff if that is what you choose to do. What irritates me is that it is recommended at the drop of a hat even when mothers are quite happy to carry on with excl. bf.

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