11 week old poor eye contact, few smiles and an anxious mum!

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My LO is 11 weeks this Friday and he does not look me in the eyes still! Whenever I try to make eye contact and talk to him he will look anywhere but in my eyes, more like over my shoulder or in the opposite direction. Sometimes if I'm at a distance he will look at me but only for a few seconds. I also haven't really seen a proper smile yet and it's got me so so worried. :( He does have bad reflux so spends his days in a lot of discomfort so I've been telling myself that that is why he isn't smiling or being interactive but I just can't shake this nagging worry in the back of my mind and it's really getting me down. I feel like I spend every day watching and analysing him so much to see if he's being "normal" (I realise how crazy this sounds!) and can't just relax and enjoy him while he's so little. He also doesn't coo or make any noises that suggest he's trying to communicate.. the times where I have thought he's cooing at me and smiling have always followed with him being sick and I've noticed that it just seems to be the noises and expression he makes before being sick. I'm so desperate for him to just look at me and smile and make a few cooing noises so I can stop panicking! I also read recently that babies start reaching for things at this age.. but he doesn't even look at his toys or pay any attention to them. He doesn't track objects either.
I know I'm definitely over worrying and I know babies all develop at their own pace and I should just give it time but I think I'm just having a hard time with anxiety at the moment and I just worry worry worry!

I don't know whether I should bring up my concerns to a doctor but I'm afraid they will just laugh at me and tell me I'm being a typical first time mum. Which I might well be!
Any advice is appreciated!

@JJupiterFloopiter can u please tell me about his motor skills, banging toys, reaching for toys, cooing ...my girl is 5months old she is now making eye contact only when laying down when I hold her upright she avoid ,she doesn't like to be in my lap and she doesn't like cradle position, she coos ,smiles ,reaches for toys bangs and mouths toys ,I'm worrying about lack of engagement with us as other babies do, she never make eye contact until she is 5months old, actively avoids or burry her head into shoulder of person whoever is holding,when i try to talk to her she looks other way she doesn't acknowledge people, she stares at patterns of my shirt clothes blankets rather than faces

@Emma20208 staring at lights and blank ceiling,walls,fans is typical behaviour.. it's concerning when they do it for long periods

@mthrofflwr I don't remember perfectly but I think DS wasn't too interested in toys for a while. Not because he didn't have the motor skills but more because he wasn't interested in toys until a later stage. I think my DS was similar regarding eye contact at that age but once he started it was never really an issue again. Although lack of eye contact is common in Autistic children, my DS now doesn't have an issue with eye contact at all and is very chatty and sociable. His struggles are with understanding how to interact appropriately with others and becoming overwhelmed and dystegulated by his environment and other social interaction.

Hi @Emma20208

I just want to add my own experience.

My first daughter avoided eye contact well up until she was 8 months or so. She was late to babble, late to smile and generally a bit unhappy as a baby. She definitely starred at lights and dark shapes as a baby.

She's now 4 1/2yrs with exceptional speech, brilliant eye contact, happy, smiley and neurotypical.

Just to give you the other side of it too xx

I know it's easier said than done as I was there myself 6 years ago! But as @GemB85 has shown with her own experience, babies can be slower to develop than others and go on to be just fine. Only time will tell. When I think back on how much time I spent stressing and worrying myself over whether DS may be neurotypical or not, I realise it wasn't worth all the stress and worry. It wouldn't have changed anything and all it did was stop me from being able to enjoy my DS in his first years. No matter what happens you will manage and love your child and have special moments with them. If I could go back and do it all again I would just take it all in my stride and enjoy it for what it was rather than always compare it to "what should have been happening".
I know it's not always that easy but no matter what happens, they will still be your child and you'll still love them. ❤️

@JupiterFloopiter have u introduced him any therapies like early intervention??

@mthrofflwr No therapies. I'm in the UK and as far as I know its not offered and also in our case I don't feel its necessary. Throughout the years I have learned about what my son finds difficult and what might trigger a meltdown in him and we manage these things accordingly and the older he gets the more his interstanding and communication abilities are developing so it becomes easier to communicate with him about how he is feeling and what may be causing him distress and to be able to reassure him. Its definitely not always easy but I found that once I accepted that life wouldn't necessarily be "normal" for us, I found it easier to adapt to living life the way we need to for my son and its now our normal. 😊

@JupiterFloopiter when did he started speaking in two words combination, when did he developed speech ?Plz don't mind i really want to know cause I'm going through same situation

@JupiterFloopiter and i want to know that how worst this autism is ?? Do u think it's really worst ?

@mthrofflwr He didn't start to say any words until 2.5 years old. Then by 3 he had developed some basic speech and by 4 was speaking very well. Now at 6 you wouldn't know there was ever a speech delay. His understanding is not always the same as others his age but its no longer far off.

Every Autistic child is different, it's a very broad spectrum. For my son, he is considered to have "significant needs".. he struggles with sensory issues so has a very restricted diet as he has ARFID. He also has ADHD and PDA. I would say his biggest challenge is building social relationships with other children. He becomes overwhelmed and dysregulates quickly so finds it hard to build any relationships with peers. He is much more comfortable with adults. School has been a big struggle as mainstream school have excluded him and it's proving very hard to get access to a specialist school.
I won't lie, it is hard and challenging but it is what it is and there are just as many positives about my son as there are for the challenges.

My daughter is 11 weeks now.. I noticed that she intentionally avoids eye contact when I hold her up but when she makes good eye contact when she is on her back .. is that normal?

I know this is an old post but I was wondering if you had an update. My son doesn’t make a lot of eye contact and it’s really concerning me. Thanks!

@ gemMy son is 12 weeks now and has the same symptoms and I m really worried.

Hello

I know this is easier said than done (as it was said to me when my LG was small) but please try not to worry. 12 weeks is still so little. They're still in their own bubble in terms of realising they're separate to you.

My little girl didn't smile until 3 months and even then was hit and miss. Her eye contact was shocking up until age 1. She didn't babble, giggle anything all.the babies around us did.

But now she's 5 this week and I kick myself for stressing so much when I was small. She's incredible. Already reading, incredible language, amazing mind. Smiles, giggles. Everything you imagine.

And I know that's not always the case but so many eye contacting avoiding babies will go on to be neurotypical.

Try to soak in the newborn stages, don't compare. Enjoy them for who they are right now. What happens in the future is out of your control. Xxx