Any ideas how to keep a very demanding 16m old occupied?

[bumbleweed]

My dd is a proper velcro-toddler and demands my attention virtually all the time. If its not breastfeeding, its wanting to be in my arms looking at things on shelves and surfaces she cant reach.

Although she likes books, she rarely wants to look at them on her own. Her toys capture her attention for no more than a few minutes at a time, then its back to pulling at my legs.

Believe me, I do give her alot of full-on attention, but I am exhausted at the moment and wondering what other activities I can do with her to stimulate her? I am bored and tired with just carrying her around or sitting feeding her.

Any advice from those who have been there, would be highly appreciated as I feel well-frazzled today.

I had one like that.

Parent and toddler groups(lifesavers!). Who cares if the other mums are unfriendly or you don't know anybody, take a book to read and talk about the weather if you have to.

Playgrounds, Beach, woods --even in the rain. Just bundle up very warm with waterproof bits and wellies... take a picnic including hot chocolate and expect to dawdle.

Just go out for a walk and let her dawdle.

Baths can take ages if you keep adding hot water. Does your library have a story time? Could you afford to have a childminder for a few hours a week to give you a few precious hours to yourself?
I remember taking my son to the creche at the gym then going in the cafe and having something to eat and reading the paper just to get some peace!

My ds was like this.

Life savers for me: baths, just for play, doesn't have to be at bedtime!
Do you know Bizzy Lizzy from smarteenies, the one who paints on glass with her thumbs and fingers? DS LOVED doing that, we had finger paints and a patio door........you can imagine the rest.....but it kept him so happy, and it all wipes off
washing up at the sink, or anything involving water and jugs, pouring from one to the other, etc...
Also ds loved twiddling keys, so if you have a locking box of any description, that might keep her attention....

best of luck, it is hard going!

Have you got treasure basket / heuristic play stuff for her bumbleweed? Sorry, I know that is my answer to everything

f&z i loved your treasure basket suggestion last time, came just in time for dd when she was getting to 5 months. she's now getting on for 10 months so i'm trying to build up the next lot of interseting tat for her to build and mess with. thank you! ( i also loved how it wound MIL up to see dd playing with oddities rather than 'the lovely toys they make nowadays' )

heuristic? pray tell, franny, what is that??

lulumama- it's basically giving your baby everyday and natural objects to play with. so they use their imagination, and can do what they like with them. so for a just sitting baby you do a treasure basket..things like a pine cone, pebbles, wooden and metal spoons, curtain rings, nail brush, seive, ladle, etc etc. you put them all in a basket and your baby rummages around and just explores it all. keeps them occupied for about an hour. fantastic! google it, there are dedicated companies who will try to flog you a ready made basket!

right, so when Babylulu takes the egg slicer out of the drawer and strums it like a mandolin, we are engaging in heuristic play !

wow, i am a good mother !!

thanks Dizzy !

here

thanks x

Ah Bizzy great link! Lulu yes you are clearly a naturally superior mother

Treasure baskets are usually recommended for children who can't yet walk, but IMO they intrigue older children too, and there are ways of developing heuristic play for toddlers, using large collections of things such as tins, ping pong balls, wooden pegs, smaller baskets, cardboard tubes, bunches of keys etc.

Sorry to hijack your thread bumbleweed I do remember this age and how wearing it was. I found long walks in the sling or buggy helpful as it gets you out of the house - I know other people who do swaps with their friends so they can have a quick break? I don't think ds would have gone for this but I guess you don't know until you try.

Water play is really diverting as mentioned before, and you could try things like oats / pasta / etc on a tray or in a sand table to play with (it doesn't matter so much when it goes in her mouth if it is edible to begin with) Home made play dough (again ok if she eats it)? Cornflour and water mixed together to make a wonderful gloop? These activities will be very messy but could be done in an empty bath and then everything just gets washed away afterwards. Soon it will be warmer and life gets easier I think....

My DS (17 months) is like this. To keep him entertained, we:

• playgroup
• drop in centre at least 1x per week
• Music class
• Swimming
• Breastfeeding (!)
• Playdates
• Go for a walk (nowhere in mind, just outside in the fresh air, picking up sticks, stones, leaves etc)
• Play hide and seek
• Run around the house with baby doll & buggy
• Play with a set of keys (his own ones - keeps him occupied for hours)
• Water play - pouring water from 1 cup to another (also do this in the bat)
• The park (as often as possible)
• Colouring (or putting crayons in and out or their container)
• Stamp kit
• Playdough
• Dressing the dolly Having other toddlers over to play - sounds like more work, but keeps DS occupied and makes things much* easier for me
• Reading
• Storytime at library/ bookshop

thank you everybody for replying

yes, cant wait for the warmer weather - because looking forward to doing more things outside, like sand

I love going for walks and messing around outdoors and was really looking forward to being able to do this with dd. Problem is she will not walk on reins and will not hold my hand, and will only walk in the direction of her choosing, often times into the road or up someone's driveway. Also she doesnt like her ears and nose getting cold but refuses to wear a hat or hood

I am going to keep trying with this though as she loves to pick up leaves and twigs and look at flowers and dogs etc

Franny, your treasure basket idea was a huge hit with dd and all my friends dcs when they were littler, and she still loves playing with random bits and pieces from around the house, but having a basket full of it doesnt occupy her anymore, as she has stuff everywhere.

I will try the home-made playdough. Have been avoiding play-doh proper because dd eats everything (except nutritous home cooked food of course) .

Sunnysideup, I love your fingerpaints on the window suggestion - will defo try that, although we dont have patio doors, we have some wide window sills. Although we have tried finger paints last week and dd kept wanting her fingers wiped, she seemed nervous of the paint.

mamama thanks for your long list of ideas. Actually I realised I do alot of that stuff, over a 2 week period probably most of it, but its just so tiring and full-on, and sometimes it just wipes me out, what with all the other things I have to think about other than providing entertainment - like work and cooking and buying new house etc

bumble-you are going to hate me but

I had a truly velcro toddler-you ARE going to hate me but

if there is any way you can get her to play alone, really really do. I mean, don't feel guilty for having me-time.

I think its very helpful for kids to learn gradually to play alone for stretches of time. and I think that skill is massively underated.

I did it by often doing other things while they were playing as far as possible, so they had to play alone, really.

I also kind of think kids are best off making their own fun anyway and adults shouldn't really be doing that much to "stimulate" kids (playing together is another matter-its fun for everyone). but this may just be me...

like i say though, jesus have I been there. take care of yourself. It is frazzling

Have just had a weekend from hell with our 16 m.o. for the same reason. Glad it's not just us, but you have my sympathies bumbleweed. We have a 6 week old too, which may be contributing to the velcro-effect, as DS1 has always been quite good at playing on his own until recently. Anyhooooo, I have a recipe for playdoh which I thought you might like:

2 cups flour
1 cup salt
1 cup water
2 tbsp sunflower oil
food colouring

We resorted to the park in the freezing cold lashing rain this afternoon. HE had a whale of a time...some great ideas from the others though.

Sorry for being a one trick pony on this subject but you may like to take the treasure basket to the next stage and try heuristic play for toddlers: (or other people reading the thread might so I am going to stick it on even so) :

"Older children who can crawl still enjoy the Treasure Basket activity, however they may be ready to move on to the next stage of discovery, Heuristic Play with Objects. Large collections of natural and household objects are used, for instance, 100 curtain rings, 20 cardboard tubes, 10 mug trees. The children interact with the materials in whatever ways they choose, learning about cause and effect as they roll, stack, fill, sort and transport the objects. Because a large number of each object is provided, sharing issues are avoided and even a group of possessive toddlers can play side by side with little or no conflict. Elinor Goldschmied recommends this type of play for those up to 2 years old, but I have found that it intrigues children up to the age of 3 and beyond (although banging the materials and running about with them does tend to replace some of the more thoughtful endeavour at this age).

The materials are stored in drawstring bags, and tidying up at the end of the session can form an agreeable part of the activity. This sort of play takes dedication to recreate at home, but is strangely addictive once you begin collecting, and is a marvellous distraction for either individuals or groups of children on rainy days. Suggested items include:

Jar lids Bunches of keys
Wooden pegs Drinking straws
Curtain rings Seashells
Ribbons Ping pong balls.

You will need ideally at least 50 of each item plus at least 10 each of your choice of the following containers:

Large tins Straw baskets
Cardboard tubes Mug trees and kitchen roll holders
Wooden or bamboo bowls Wooden or cardboard boxes.

Choose an appealing combination of objects for each session. For a single child, the baskets, straws, shells and curtain rings might provide ample resources for experimentation, but for a group you would need say 2 or 3 sets of containers, and 4 or 5 of the other sets of objects. Balls and tubes are always a popular combo, as are curtain rings or bracelets and mug trees. You will no doubt devise your own favourites."

(from the guide to heuristic play I wrote for my group)

I would recommend ping pong balls and cardboard tubes to start with - 144 ping pong balls on eBay atm for £12 inc p + p - cardboard tubes are free if you ask your friends to save them for you. Not much for a very adaptable and long lasting play activity that 1, 2 or 3 toddlers can enjoy together.

Fillyjonk, I dont hate you, I really really wish dd would play on her own. I dont have the natural patience for this way, and although I enjoy playing with her, I hate being fussed at and grabbed at.

A few times, I have just refused to give her attention and got on with something in the kitchen or talked on the phone, and she does eventually find something to occupy herself with, but she cries first, and I feel really guilty.

The only problem with that way, is that you have to keep on being busy, and cant actually sit down and do what you want to do. It actually really pisses me off at the moment that I cant sit and have a cup of tea at breakfast without my personal space being invaded. Dd is currently refusing to sit in her own chair and will only sit on our knees at meal times.

Okay I know some (most?) people would say, how ridiculous, just dont let her, strap her into the highchair or she doesnt get to eat. But I am trying to just go with the flow and keep things positive because so many things have been a battle through the baby months - feeding, sleeping etc. I just want her to eat some food, however I have to do it, because otherwise she wants to breastfeed even more of the time. Right, gone off on a complete tangent here, but its all on top of me.

So how do you encourage them to play on their own while still doing the attachment parenting thing - ie responding to their need for attention?

Franny, the heuristic large numbers of objects thing sounds great. The thought of where to store 144 ping pong balls and 10 baskets and 20 cardboard tubes all that is a big of a nightmare though. I bet it works really well in a toddler group setting.

midnightexpress - thanks for the recipe - I can easily try it this week

blimey, it has a lot of salt in it though - I wouldnt really want dd to eat any of it if thats what it contains !

It's hard when they need to be with you all the time, isn't it?

I am watching DS play now (while I mumsnet - seems to be the best way to get him to play by himself ) - he is fascinated with his toy baskets - filling them up and emptying them (then looking surprised and saying "Uh-oh" ) - do you have any baskets that may help keep DD entertained? He also has 2 drawers with his toys in and likes to open them over and over again (they're those wire ones, so he won't get hurt).

Do you have an activity centre type of thing? With buttons you press that make sounds a lights etc? We have a borrowed one which DS used to love - he's bored of it now, but it gave me a bit of peace for a few months even if it did drive me nuts!

As for mealtimes, can DD sit on a chair by herself or on a booster seat, so she feels like a 'big girl'? DS eats much better this way than in a high chair. We sometimes do a picnic on the floor as well - then he'll sit next to me and eat. Just a thought...

(DS bfs all the time too, adding to the exhaustion, so I sympathise!)

Yes fair dos bumbleweed

(144 ping pong balls take up less space than you think, though, especially when they are all under your sofa )

lol Franny - there is all sorts under my sofa

My list sounds a bit plasticky, I think, but I've remembered that at our local playroom, DS LOVES Mr Potatohead - it's really fiddly to get the arms/ eyes/ ears etc in the holes and keeps his occupied for ages (well, maybe 5 mins, but for DS, that is ages!)

We also have an abundance of different sized cardboard boxes which he hides things in or climbs in, and things like empty bottles (clean) with lids, kitchen towel tubes etc

I think the salt in the playdough is to discourage them from eating it. Or does it stop it going off?

And in answer to the original question - [whispers] tv ...

Ooh just thought - dd loved "doing the washing up" - with lots of plastic items. And a large towel on the floor under the washing up bowl. Good for a 10-minute sit-down with a cup of tea anyhow.

Wouldn't work with ds though - he'd have the bowl turned over in under 30 seconds. Or stick his head in it or something.

What ds likes is to sit and post coins into a money box. Have to watch he doesn't post them in his mouth, but thats good for 10 minutes with him too.