At my wits end is this adhd or odd?

[lars]

I have been for an assessment with ds and was told nothing wrong with him just doesn't like school. I'm not so sure and went back to my gp for second opinion.
DS behaviour at school is getting worse and the school feels there is more to it.
He defies teachers and currently misbehaves and goes under tables. Has tantrums at school and has sworn at a teacher through temper. I am called to the school a couple times a week as they cannot cope with him. Is there anybody out there who can identify and have answers, my ds is just 6yrs .
At home he is constantly annoying members of the family. He also shouts alot and sometimes grunts and makes silly noises. I am really fed up now and don't feel I can cope with this child much longer. This has got to be more than just a behaviour issue. Any advice would be helpful. larsxx

Roisin, thanks for your support.
Aggressive behaviour towards the head teacher when trying to constrain him.
Education support feel a 3week exclusion for ds is totally wrong, that means he is missing his appointment for assessment with behaviour support team.

I am really not happy with everything. Also they did excluded another child in his class yesterday for 3 days for not lining up properly, so I was told. I realy feel this was terrible also the child has gone into care andi'm sure experiencing different emotions anyway.

The school has alot of diverse pupils with different needs. Larsxx

They excluded a child for not lining up properly???? And of course your son was aggressive when constrained. Unfortuantely yours is not the only case I have heard like this. It is really important that a proper assessment is done asap. I would ring the specialist he has been referred to and explain the situation- or ask to talk to the specialist health visitor (maybe too old for that but worth a try) attached to the child development centre. Our specialist HV managed to pull some strings when ds1 desperately needed to be seen as he was seen within about 6 weeks.

Lars - So sorry to hear of your situation. I am astounded. Somebody has got to step in and give you and your ds the help that you so obviously deserve. I really hope that you manage to get something sorted out soon. BHxx

Lars- oh honey you poor love! I cannot believe that they have excluded him for this, it seems completely unreasonable - my DS has done similar things and the situation has not escalated anywhere near this far. If the school is being so unsupportive is there anyway you can move him somewhere else - where they have a better approach to your DS?? Is there no appeal in this?? £ weeks for such a young child seems as roisin says as though they are washing their hands of him. Horrible...

The book I emailed about is 'The Explosive Child' (and I have been recommending it to a few people on MN) and I really think that you and the school could benefit from this. It gives a different viewpoint on why this behaviour happens and how to deal with it - it's about inflexible, explosive children who get frustrated really easily and get locked into the frustration really quickly and then just lash out (verbally and physically) as they have underdeveloped problem solving skills in this area and have huge difficulties articulating their frustration. I have found it really illuminating and it has given me a little bit of hope, and some tactics to use. The tactics are 'front-end' to prevent the episodes rather than 'back-end' punishments which don't help the child to change their behaviour the next time this occurs as they don't have the verbal or problem solving skills to remember the punishment in the full flow of their tantrums. I'm not doing the book justice here, sorry. It's hard work, but then all interactions with DS are hard anyway.

Is there anything I can do? Do you need to get away for a couple of days to try and get some distance from it (have spare rooms you could use)?? Let me know.

Sending love. WMxx

Thanks everyone for all your support.

Wedgiesmum thanks for your kindness.
I am trying very hard and did speak to edcuation and education welfare officer. If I move school this will be very difficult and worse of all Head is leaving and deptuty head might be even worse as cannot cope with ds ( no head in sept). But I feel the education and behaviour support feel the school is not helping.
The head says I can appeal and has told me many times and she said she is doing this as this is that bad and for the education to take note.

I did say he wasn't going back to the school but the education will not try and find a place for ds. We have to find the school ourself.

I will keep you all updated. larsxx

Hi lars, my dss is 6 yrs and acts the same as you explain your ds. He grinds his teeth constantly, hides under the table at school, he has kicked all the teachers he has had in his first year class. He constantly shouts and hits his younger sister who is only 21 months, has threatened to stab me, out of anger, has treid to strangle his sister, distroys all of his toys and belongings etc, this is a problem we are having...we take our ds to a community nurse to find out if he adhd but they feel it is more a behavioural problem on his biological mothers side. It it like a constant battle of wills, he will occasionally listen to his dad but even that has gone out the window on more than one occassion. i have the utmost sympathy for you and hope you get a result soon

Get on the phone and ring around schools- say you think he may well have SN- of ADHD/AS type but that you are still in assessment- you will get vibes back from the schools. Some do deal with this sort of thing better than others. When I rang ds1's school for the first time I was put through to the head immediately (didn't ask they offered) and she gave me the impression that she would value ds1. Not all schools were so positive! You may be pleasantly surprised by some. How easy is it for you to travel to a different school We've gone to a different LEA for ours (although my LEA still pay for the statement etc).

lars...no specific advice but have same thing with ss who is now nearly 14 when he was 4/5 years similar experiences at school rude to teachers, hitting other pupils, attacking people with pencils and roaring like a lion apparently he had the nickname lion king!! I was not with dh at this stage but my ss had a learning support assistant at school due to his behaviour and also stated he had dyslexia although not bad enough to receive the complete help that apparently you can get from the government if they are diagnosed..not sure how this worked just to say I know its truly awful and Isend hugs and support.

Our ds goes to a school that has a nurture group for children with "difficulties" It has helped our ds alot as he has calmed down at school. Maybe more schools have this facilty. The teachers are alot more understanding of the children and do one on one teaching with them which most school classes can't do for the sole reason that class sizes are just too big.

Just a note I had update with head ( I put that under other subject about head - unprofessional)- sorry!! like to hear your views on that subject!
Also ds has an emergency assessment tomorrow with pad at our local hospital- taking video as well. larsxx

Agree with Jimjams about getting on the phone and talking to the schools yourself. I rang all the local state schools when I was tryng to find somewhere for my DS to go very part-time with support provided. Nearly all immediately said they did not have space, which is irrelevant when a child has a statement unless there is not enough physical space to meet rules and regs. I then went to the most expensive private school locally for an entirely different reason, to ask if they would hand out leaflets looking for playdates, and the Head said "bring him here to me" and she never charged me a penny. She is known locally for not turning down SEN children if at all possible but some of the staff I spoke to at the other schools were dismissive at best.

wow davros- that's impressive- especially in an expensive private school! They're often the worst with SN.

Hells Bells lars, just read the other thread. Was only thinking about you today and wondering how it was all going. The Head was completely out of order IMO to listen to this gossip. And what a completely intimidating meeting, god this school sucks! they appear to completely over react to things, don't communicate properly with you (or DS for that matter), set up intimidating meetings and listen to hearsay - to be really frank I would take my DS out if his school was being like that. Do you think that you could talk to the developmental paed about how they have been treating DS and see what they think about moving school? That may help you make a decision about what to do.

Good luck for tomorrow. Taking a video along is such a good idea. Let us know how it all goes. Thinking about you and hope you can keep strong and get the best result for you and DS.

Sorry it's so late, but how did it go honey??

Hi wedgiesmum, Thanks for your support.

Well how did it go?
You could say another day wasted. The Pad thinks it could be O.D.D. as he has the classics signs.
But I have to go back to the child phsy next week and he wants his report and the school report. They never take just the word of the parents of course.
He said this is really the department of the child phsy but will see ds next month. No treatment at this stage just a wasted time game.
I went to the pad for a second opinion and then he told me he has children of his own like this excluded and bad behaviour. Of course my reply was do they come to you for a cure and he laughed.
I'm sorry to say I feel not very confident so far and really not getting very anywhere. I said I'm not getting anywhere he said to go back to my GP, please this is a real joke!
I am now feel totally let down by this so called professionals, who just don't know the answer and don't appear to come up with anything.
The child phsy has told the school nothing wrong with ds, but everyone knows there has to be real cause for this extreme behaviour.
I'm afraid next week the gloves come off and I am ready for a fight and not ready to accept this load of rubbish they keep saying. Afterall i am the best judge of his behaviour.
BTW as with the school issue and I feel very reluctant to send him back.
Sorry its long! larsxx