who is afraid of the big bad wolf??? My 3 year old is.Shoud I use it??

[slim22]

Hi
DS soon to be 3. I realised he is starting to experience fear. He loves cuddling up and reading wolf stories (little red riding hood/three little pigs etc.....
He is also turning into a nasty little person (we did not experience terrible 2s, so I guess this is it.
I've started telling him that unless he behaves/accepts to go to bed/etc... I will call the wolf. This usually works a treat but my husband says I might cause some sort of trauma...........am I really being a bad mother?? do you resort to this sort of threats??? I honestly think it's quite benign, it does not send him into any sort of panick but does stop him right there on his tracks.
suggestions very welcome

A babysitter once tried to threaten me with calling a policeman. Apparently I shouted "Oh, yay Dadddyyyyyy!"

My dad was in the police

They do say that the blood has been removed from fairy tales for the sake of the mothers, not for the sake of the chioldren, who rather liked it!

Right, I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this, but I used the big, bad wolf, and monsters, to ram home the "stranger danger" message.

Ds1 used to sprint off out of sight at every and any opportunity, being completely unaware of danger and enjoying the thrill of having mummy chase after him. Ds2 sometimes does the same, although not as frequently. So I told them both about the wolves and monsters who dress up as people and take little boys away to gobble them up. And how if they go out of my sight then I can't help them if a wolf or monster grabs them.

It really is the only way I could get through to them - by using their own fear to make them want to stay safe. At 6 and 4 I can't really sit them down and explain what sort of person might really snatch a child, or that the real danger is more that they might injure themselves, as it just doesn't register with them. They were 4 and 2 when I started with this, and I have to say that it does mostly work very, very well. They do still leg it now and again, but not far, and never by themselves.

A cruel lie, maybe, but it worked. It has to be said that I wouldn't use this for mild behavioural issues as not going to bed, but for "stranger danger" it's worked very well. And after all, that was the intention of the original fairytales anyway.

well the better way (though more effort on part of parent) is (with a four and two year old) use:
Buggy
Reins
and good old rules, routine and negotiation; if any darting off is done, the reins are straight on etc.

All this done with lots of reptition of why it is dangerous to dash off, traffic, roads etc.....as they get a fair bit older then stranger danger should probably come into it too.

I think telling your own kids there are monsters dressed up as people ready to snatch them is cruel and yes, lazy really. It pno doubt works but then so do other ways, they just take more effort.

Kids are very very astute; it won't take long for them to know you are lying and once this point is reached then 99% of their respect for you will go up in smoke.

I really think that kids ought to be at least able to trust their parents to tell them the truth about things like this.

but there are real people dressed up as monsters out there!!!!
Isn't it the underlying message of all those fairytales?????
No kidding, I get your point ladies, It's not the person they trust most that should call the monster. But the monsters are there nevertheless so what age is a good time to start telling them monsters do exist in various forms and if you run away you might come accross one?

I bought DD a book when she was smaller called 'why should I listen'. Fat lot of good it did her, she's still got selective hearing and still pays no attention to anything I say whether I threaten her with orphanages, sticks, shackles or (God forbid) grounding her!!! I try to convince myself she has spirit and that its a good thing, but sometimes I'd swop her straight away for one of those obedient children that will nibble on rocket and do their homework without even being asked! (if they actually exist in real life, that is )

By slim22 on Tue 13-Feb-07 20:35:17
PS: I must admit I feel a bit offended by the remarks on my calling my son a "nasty little person". Most of you know exactly what I mean by that.Merely that he is acting like a spoilt little brat like most 3 year olds. Please don't overdo it.

Slim - I think YOU were the one overdoing it to describe him as such.
I am a "normal" mum, no more doting than the next.

Slim I think the responsibility is on you as the parent to keep the child safe; when they are up to about 6, depending on the child, I would say they simply need rules, consistency and to know that they need to walk safely with their carer and not dart off. Traffic is the major concern here, not a possible monster ready to snatch them, the likelihood of that is much much less than them being knocked over on the road; and the onus is on the PARENT to keep the child safe, not to scare the child with lies so that the responsibility is inappropriately placed on the child somehow.

Some calm, measured advice needs to be given eg: you stay with mummy. If you get lost approach a lady instead of a man to help you, approach a shop staff member or a policeman etc etc. Not all adults are kind or want to look after you, is enough to tell kids. It doesn't have to be hysterically talked about in terms of 'monsters' specially to pre-school children! It needs to be talked about in a calm way PRIOR to the event, not threats of monsters made in order to keep them from running off.