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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm living with a mini dictator (3 yo DS) - anyone else or any advice out there?

35 replies

beegee · 12/02/2007 10:54

Help!

He's 3.6 and is soooo strong willed. I try and keep really calm (and am praised from time to time for it by on lookers!) but I'm getting worn down...

What can I do? He used to be such an easy boy...didn't really have terrible twos - now, different story. He just digs his heels in and any form of distraction makes him worse. He tells you want he wants/how he wants it/and that he expects it NOW! Ahhhh! Do you have any advice/experience of this in your lives..? Please share...

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 13/02/2007 12:46

Hmmm Speedymama - sadly my DS has the memory of an elephant. On Friday he'd be saying...'Mummy you said we'd do this'. He can also tantrum for England...for hours and hours and hours....we have got used to carrying on with life frequently under a constant barrage of noise...bit like living under a flight path . I guess I could try and salvage something from the situation by being pleased about what a good memory he has, and how determined he is...

Original poster

beegee · 13/02/2007 21:46

My DS doesn't remember brilliantly well - his issue is - I WON'T WAIT TILL FRIDAY I WANT IT NOW!!! Then he just repeats what he wants over and over with a whine/scream/complete rage....bloody awful.

I find myself hating him at times He just won't reason...

Today we were in the car travelling to SILs to visit his cousins - we'd forgotten to pick up Percy (Thomas Tank Engine green mate!) - he'd really wanted to take it with him. Suddenly he remembered...oh boy, the atmosphere in the car was electric...I held my breath, he held his to see if I would turn the car around and get it...we were ready to duel. And, do you know what? I couldn't cope with the thought of another battle. I turned the car round and went back to get it avoiding the fight.

I made him say a big thank you, mind.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 14/02/2007 10:17

That sounds familiar beegee. They never do forget anything do they..... And the damage done to your nerves is so great that it sometimes you have to give in. It's jsut a good thing that my other 2 are basically well-behaved and tolerant otherwise I think I might just leave home....

NAB3 · 14/02/2007 11:17

Apparently whining is learnt behaviour. They whine once, we give in and they think way hay I am on to a winner here. I tell my children I can't hear them when they whine or don't talk properly. You have to keep repeating yourself but it does work.

Original poster

beegee · 15/02/2007 08:20

Yes - NAB - I'm just trying that 'I can't understand what you're saying when you speak like that - speak properly'. Seems to be vaguely working although when he does manage to finally say it without a whine he doesn't usually like my response back so the whining starts up again!

ie - DS - (whining) I want to play trains NOW!
ME - Speak propely (etc)
DS - (properly) I want to play trains now!
ME - I'm sorry - it's bedtime. Let's play in the morning.
DS _ NOOOOO! NOW! (etc)

I'll keep on with the speak properly, though. It is a fab idea to just not 'understand'.

OrmI - Yes, my dd is a delight (at the mo - she's only 11 mths, mind)...just hope she isn't 'learning' his behaviour. She watches him with real interest Do you have to deal with paddys everyday like me?

We actually had a better day yesterday. He did start to have a few paddys and then stopped by himself and went off to play trains...I was amazed. That is the first time it went like that...wonder what today will bring [dread emoticon]

OP posts:

KTeePee · 15/02/2007 08:43

Oh yes three is so much worse than two imo. The thing I really hate is when they are yelling/crying the same thing over and over again for half an hour or so....

yawningmonster · 15/02/2007 08:57

3 + is a good age for a twist on the age old goodie behaviour device of a star chart.

Instead of a star chart you have a picture of three or so things that child would love to do

eg:
Go to grannies for a visit (photo of grannie and child)

Go to playmates house (photo)

Special video (photo of cover)

You put magnets on and put on fridge for days where you think it will really matter if child behaves eg when cousins visiting. Explain rules

If you can speak nicely until lunchtime, keep your hands to yourself etc etc etc...then you will get to do treat no1 on the fridge tommorow, this afternoon etc...if you are "good" until afternoon tea time you will get to do treat no2 and if you are good all day long you will get all three treats.

If child has bad morning treat1 comes off fridge but still has chance to earn others.

OrmIrian · 15/02/2007 13:47

Ohhh thos morning was a classic. DD got DS#1's rats out of their cage for a cuddle and when I went to put them back DS#2 got upset because I put one of them back though the wrong door. So I gave in, took her out again and out and put her back in. Because it was too early in the am for a row. I have too much to do in the mornings to deal with a wailing child trying to cling to my legs whilst I'm getting all 4 of us ready to leave. And because he seemed so upset. Then he wanted a cheese sandwich for breakfast - odd perhaps but not in itself a reason for argument. But I cut the cheese up the wrong way apparently and he wanted me to do it again. At this point I put him outside the kitchen and shut the door. Cue screams and yells. Five mins later I picked him and cuddled him and he went off with his wrong cheese sandwich quite happily. But why ??? I really don't know why he does these weird things...

Original poster

beegee · 15/02/2007 21:46

Thanks yawning monster - good ideas...not sure how he'll do, but think I might try it.

Oh OrmI - these situations really try you. I so know what you're going through! Everything has to be just so...

My DS had a really good day until we were in the car coming home and he asked when we get in can we watch a long Thomas video? - answer, we can watch it in the morning (trying to stay positve) and we can read a bedtime story instead as it was nearly bedtime...que lots of whining, moaning even screaming...awful. My DD then started mimicking the screams. When we got in he asked my dp the same and when he answered the same as I had done it all started up again even louder...it's a miracle he's in bed now because I thought he'd never calm down.

Arghhhh! Let's start a support group!

OP posts:

hk78 · 15/02/2007 23:40

my dd2 is like this, she's 4 1/2, she's been like it as long as we can remember. we've now decided maybe it's her 'cillit bang personality' and maybe it's not her age after all. she either whines, demands, shouts, very rarely asking nicely in her real voice,lol!

the only thing i can think of to do is the non-response technique and maybe a quick reminder that 'i won't if you talk to me like that'

i'll be following this thread with interest, the photos showing rewards on the chart thing is a great idea.

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