Stranger Danger, Sarah Payne etc, what do you tell them?

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I'd be interested to hear what other people tell their children about the potential dangers of adults.

My ds is 4.5 and we've discussed this a couple of times. The first time was when he came back from seeing his father for the weekend (ex-dh) and my ex mil told me that he'd run away from her in Brent Cross shopping centre (quite a big centre, NW London). We were all together when I was told and ex mil had with her a newspaper with a photo of Sarah Payne on the front page. I therefore told ds about the fact that Sarah had run off (I know she hadn't exactly, but...) and that a bad man had taken her and killed her. I explained that he must not run away from me or any adult with him because of this danger.

We've had a similar conversation this morning as he legged it while I was paying in Sainsbury's and I was furious with him. I've said:

• There are more good people than bad people in the world.
• It's very unlikely to happen to you as long as you do stay within my sight (or mil, dp etc)
• You can't tell who is good or bad from the time of day or just looking at them.

I got lots of hard questions: "why do some people kill children?"; "is it always men?" "where were Sarah's mummy and daddy and do they miss her?" "where did they find her body?" All horrible and I answered them as best I could.

He is a friendly cheerful boy who does say hello to people and he only ocassionally runs off from me. So, I do want him to be frightened enough not to do it since the Brent Cross episode shook me (although I wasn't there at the time and he was safely returned after someone took him to lost children and tannoyed ex-mil) but I don't want to scare the wits out of him too much or to destroy his innocence.

What do other people do? Has this been discussed at length already? Thanks. Oh, and he also opened the front door to the electricty meter man recently and shouted up to me that "there's a goody at the door, I've let him in, can you come downstairs?" I've told him he does not know he was a 'goody' and he mustn't do it again(I was in the loo).

I myself never allow my children to sleepover others homes. My 9 year old daughter is allowed to sleep at one friend who I know very well and also the mom. It took me a while to really get to know the mom (who is a single parent) before I would let her go. I am quite picky of who my kids play with. To many quacks out there. I would get to know one or two close friends and the parents and then when I feel satisfied I will let my children sleep out only in those homes and visa versa. I want my children to enjoy sleepovers occassionally like I did growing up but safety comes first.

I once allowed my 7 yr old DD to stay over at a very good friend's. She was home again by 10pm!! It's far too young and I had allowed myself to be persuaded against my better judgment. After that, she didn't go to a sleepover until she was 12 and at senior school. I agree, the sleepover business has got out of hand, a bit like some of these birthday parties that have developed a life of their own!

I've just brought my 5 year old nephew a book called 'Stranger Danger' by Anne Fine. A little boy called Joe has a police man come to his school to talk about 'stranger danger' and to use common sense and not to go off with strangers. Throughout the book Joe comes up against different situations involving strangers and he remembers the policeman's message about using his common sense. For instance, should he go with the school optician, who he has never seen before, but the teacher seems to know her and she has his name on her list. At a concert, should he take a peppermint from the man in the row behind him to stop his cough - which he deems OK because he uses his 'common sense' to realise the man is just being kind, plus Joe feels safe as he is with his parents. To finally, a stranger asking him for help to carry something to his car, which Joe declines to do because he needs to stay where he is as his Grandparents told him too and he remembered what the policeman said about never going anywhere with strangers.

The book is aimed at 'developing readers' and is nicely laid out with pictures. The wording is simple and would probably be a book my nephew can read himself in a couple of years time. As well as a good story I think the message it gives is clear without being frightening. I like the way it encourages the child to think whether a situation is OK or not and could be something that a parent and child can talk about as situations come up.

I brought it in a local bookshop, but Amazon have it for about £3.50, takes a couple of days for delivery.

Thank you very much for your responses... it's helped set my mind at ease a bit as I really don't want my child to feel like the only one and to know there are others out there who feel the same way will help. I will get the book EmmaM which sounds good I keep trying not to have to raise stranger danger subject as I don't want to cause unnecessary worry but it sounds as if it may be a good way to bring up the subject and leave it for a while. I have put off the subject but worry that I may be burying my head in the sand maybe it will help. Thanks again I really appreciate your responses.