Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

Are these night terrors?

44 replies

colditz · 18/01/2007 00:00

Ds1 wakes up 2 or three times a qweek, always between 8 and 12, screaming, shaking moaning etc. but he won't talk to me, he won't tell me what it wrong, he sometimes won't even open his eyes!. After 5 or 10 minutes, he just lies down, and shuts up. I won't say goes back to sleep, because I'm not convinced he wakes up at all. he can never remember havi9ng bad dreams in the morning.

If they are night terrors, how can I stop them? It terrifies ds2 (they share a roo0m) and quitew often ds2 will scream for longer than ds1!

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 18/01/2007 00:15

hello-o-o-o

OP posts:
Sossy · 18/01/2007 00:19

This happens to my little girl too. Usually when she's had a really busy, long day, when I expect her to have a really good deep sleep...She'll have a really restless weird-dream filled night! The approach I take is to softly rub her back and gently talk to her, reassuring her that "mummy's here" and everything is fine. She doesn't remember it in the morning but I know she can hear me in her dreams.

MamaMaiasaura · 18/01/2007 00:21

I think there are night terrors when they have no recolection. Nightmares when they remember.

Night terrors is often more commen around a certain age and isnt permanent.

MamaMaiasaura · 18/01/2007 00:23

this gives some useful help here

Original poster
colditz · 18/01/2007 00:35

Thank you for that link Awen

It seems ghe will grow out of it in his own sweet time!

Sossy, I usuallt go up and try to wake him, as if I manage to get him to open his eyes he often calms right down. It upsets me the way he shakes though, he seems terrified and he is usually such a little stoic, I'm not used to seeing him like that

OP posts:
Sossy · 18/01/2007 00:43

The shaking sounds awful, must be very upsetting to see. Mine has never done that. She's moaned and shouted and certainly seemed as if she's very distressed, but not shook. I don't think I've ever come across any ideas of preventing night terrors. Hopefully a phase he'll grow out of. Must be scary for your other one too, poor babies!

MamaMaiasaura · 18/01/2007 00:50

No prob. I am lucky as ds has never had terrors and rarerly nightmares.

It says to hug/lie with them and sooth. Waking apparantly doesnt help if night terror.

PrettyCandles · 18/01/2007 07:08

Sounds liek night terrors. IME, as someone who used to get them (note I dont' say "suffer", as the person with the NT is not the one suffering! ) the best thing to do for the 'dreamer' is simply to stay by them. If left alone it usually passes fairly quickly without any distress for them, but it's nice to have someone there in case they wake up and are confused or worried. Unfortunately it's the others, who hear the screaming, who are upset by the NT.

If it always happens at a predictable time you can try rousing the child a little just before the NT. That usually averts it. IIRC you don't need to be complelely woken up, just roused a little so that you go into a different sleep stage. Apparently some sleepers will show the same behaviour - grunting, twitching etc - as a precursor to the NT, so if you notice that you might find it worthwhile setting up a baby monitor so that you can go to him in time to avert it.

I found that I only had NTs when I went to bed overtired or stressed - perhaps a slightly earlier bedtime, a quieter bedtime routine, or possibly even the occasional daytime nap on weekends might help.

Original poster
colditz · 20/01/2007 20:46

he just had on. I tried lying down with him but he wouldn't, just wanted to sit up and shake so I tried waking him up, but in the end I had to switch the light on and wake him up, then talk to him for 10 minutes!

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 20/01/2007 21:06

But why not just let him sit up if that's what he seems to want? I know it sounds callous, but as he's highly unlikely to be aware of what's going on, leaving him be can be less upsetting fro him. I remember the intense frustration I felt at being awakened with all the family around my bed, wide-eyed at my distress, and making a fuss of me. Worse still, they insisted that I had been screaming my head off and woke them all, whereas I knew I had been sleeping soundly. It was only when I tried to deny it that I foudn I could barely speak because my throat was so sore and my voice was hoarse from the screaming.

But I can understand that it is distressing for you to witness this.

Original poster
colditz · 20/01/2007 21:07

To be honest I was trying anything that meant he might be quiet, because ds2 is only 9 months old and it terrifies him, and then if it wakes him, he won't settle for ages because he was scared.

OP posts:
KristinaM · 20/01/2007 21:10

yes they sound like Nt

no you cant stop them

DDS aged 2 has them and it really upsets me. Dh is better at coping though. more detached. is your DH/Dp ( if you have one) any use? I think men can be more objective sometimes ( sorry for sweeping gender stereotype)

KristinaM · 20/01/2007 21:11

we tied to get him to settle because of teh other kids but nothing worked. if we touch him he is terrified

liquidclocks · 20/01/2007 21:14

Hi colditz, DS1 (2.4yrs) has been having them on and off for around 6 months - generally when he's really tired and hasn't had a proper daytime nap, or sometimes if he's stayed up late. My brother had them around the same age and as an adult I have 'waking dreams' - all pretty weird night time stuff.

Although it's upsetting for your 9 month old I'd really just try and go with it - the more you try to 'help' the worse it'll get. Just stay and make sure no harm comes to her. Also I'd try the earlier bedtimes and a nice quiet routine. Leave scary stories for lunch time and tell nice ones before bed - this method really seems to work for DS1.

Night terrors are also associated with sleepwalking so just be aware of that too - my brother once climbed down from the top bunk (aged 4) and went to play in our playroom then fell asleep on the pile of teddies! - they say one of the things people can do when sleepwalking is look for the thing that comforts them most - ah!

Medea · 20/01/2007 21:15

Yes, night terrors I'd wager.

Ds had them when he was 2 or so, maybe just 3. I spoke to a psychologist about them, informally. She specialized in child development. Anyway she said that one very good way to minimize the frequency of night terrors is to make sure your child isn't overtired. . .that somehow overtiredness REALLY contributes to night terrors.

And she must have been right, because it only seemed to happen when ds was super tired. . .and when I was very adamant about an early (appropriate) bedtime, he really was fine. HTH.

But it IS scary and not surprised your ds2 gets freaked by them.

Dd (my youngest) has never been plagued by them, but she hallucinates when she has fevers, and that's presents itself similarly to night terrors.

Original poster
colditz · 20/01/2007 21:18

Gosh, he goes to bed at around 7. If he stayed in bed a bit longer, he might not be so tired. I did wonder if it might be triggered by his wanting a wee or something.

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 20/01/2007 21:23

how old is DS1 colditz?

PrettyCandles · 20/01/2007 21:23

Liquidclocks, is that why, when I was in my teens/twenties, I often woke up standing at the door to the kitchen? I've often wondered what would have happened had my parents not always locked up all internal doors as well as external when they went to bed. Wou7ld I have turned into a sleep-eater as well as a sleep-talker and sleep-walker?

Colditz, children can learn to sleep through just about anything. I did sleep-training (CC-style) with dd while she was sharing a room with her big brother, and he was never disturbed by the screaming and crying.

Any chance you can avert the NT, rather than try to stop it? Because I really don't think it's possible once the NT has begun.

Original poster
colditz · 20/01/2007 21:25

he is 3.9. I have tried putting him to bed earlier, but he just arses about and won't sleep. 7 is his crash time.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 20/01/2007 21:26

Just had a thought - as far as I can recall, I have never had an NT when sharing a bed with someone, as a child or as an adult. Would it be possible for your ds1 to have someone else sleeping in his bed with him? Is there another child of suitable age in your family?

liquidclocks · 20/01/2007 21:27

Prettycandles - it does happen! I suppose with my own sleep issues I've always had a fascination with these things - it's possible to descend into any of the primitive states - anger, fear, lust and eating! My weirdest one was the three people standing around the bed with white coats, clip boards and sharp metal things ...

Original poster
colditz · 20/01/2007 21:28

No, that's it, just the 2 ds's. Ds1 aged 3.9, ds2 aged 9 months.

he has been having them about an hour after falling asleep, but not every night, and sometimes a lot later, as late as 10:30.

So, if I wake him about 20 minutes after falling asleep, is he less likely to have one?

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 20/01/2007 21:29

LC, is that when you had a baby then?

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 20/01/2007 21:30

Colditz - does he 'keep going' all day? no nap anymore? Just wondering whether it's worth having a 'quiet time' for an hour or so after lunch?

Also you could try to break the cycle a bit by 'lifting' him around when he normally has them, plonk him on the loo then straight back to bed.

Does he have a warm milk/bath/story... etc?

I really feel for you btw, it's such a scary thing to deal with when you've never experienced it before.

liquidclocks · 20/01/2007 21:32
  • no, that was more scary coz I got handed this wriggly pink thing I was supposed to know what to do with!