My Son

[louise1970]

My Son 1 ½ to 3years

My Son is the reason why there is no time left to play with My daughter

My Son wants our attention for most of the day.

When we divert ourselves from My son he destroys everything or shouts and screams so loudly it is very hard to ignore (many people have said who have heard him)

Depending on what mood my son is in decides what we do for that day.

My son is taken after warnings to the naughty step. He never sits there alone. He thumps and bangs and destroys what ever is near by.

My son comes back from the naughty step and never learns and does it all over again. Most days we have to put him back at least 8 times for the same punishment.

My son never walks only runs every where.

My son never walks within 4 feet of us and just darts off really fast so we can not catch him. Reins have been tried but he just sits and refuses to get up. Eventually he starts hitting us or pulling my hair.

My son seems more content at school. We think that it is because he is having the attention he craves. It appears that as long as you constantly teach him and give him attention 24/7 he does very well. He does not seem to free play at all well.

It has been comented by a teacher that i have they are glad he is not their son. I did ask for this honest opinion.

My son never shares the things that he desires. My son will do anything he can to outsmart another child that has something that he wants.

My son will never get into the car. My son will never leave an area where is happy playing. Bribery seems only to delay the tantrum as he remembers what the bribery was and realises its not true etc.

My son does not eat well.

My son did not talk until he was 2 ½ now the conversations are flowing but he still does not understand things, consequences, danger, punishment.

My son is the reason why i want to go back to work but i can not leave my daughter

My son is breaking my heart..

wow, was longun!

Put stair gate on the kitchen door if you can, and if I were you I would save yourself the stress and take the pictures off the walls for now.

TBH I think it sounds as if he needs a multidisciplinary assessment Not really because of what you say so much about him (a few little bells ringing, but nothing huge) but because you sound so exhausted. Ds3 is a "difficult" child but doesn't exhaust me. Ds1 (SN) isn't really difficult personality wise but does exhaust me becuase he doesn't understand stuff. Basic things like not running off, or sitting on the floor if he doesn;t want to go somewhere (he's 7, I can't move him). Or screaming thew place down if something is wrong- like someone is sitting in their car in the street (not allowed).

He may just be strong willed, or difficult and grow up to be charming. But it may be that he needs a bit of extra help. If the latter is the case then your life will become much eaiser if you know what you are dealing with. If it's the first case an assessmnet would allow anything else to be ruled out, and you can grit your teeth until he reaches an easier age.

Put him on reins- you can get big ones- google crelling harnesses- I would never now go out with ds1 without his reins (too many abandoned pushchairs of younger siblings and close shaves with traffic). Actually his beahviour on reins is much better- he doesn't try to dash off so much.

Wow colditz, I never realised you had so much going on

(I think your DD is around the same age as mine? Just turned 1?)

I think you are right with regards to moving the pictures. Do things that make your life easier.

I always say I should offer DS2's services at the child proof factory because we are yet to discover anything that can keep him out or he can't figure how to undo

I have a stairgate on the kitchen door and it is screwed so tight I can barely open it. He will sometimes decide he's ok with not going in there, at other times he uses a toy screwdriver to force it open!

I totally agree with what you say regarding mental state of mind. I'm dure I have some form of depression or something. I swing between high and low and DS2's moods of good and bad behaviour follow the same pattern.

lact8

I have 8 month old ds2, so not quite, but similar.

to be honest (oh I didn't include my redundancy in that) I don't have so much going on now. Life is back on a more even keel. I have an Ed Psych involved with ds1, but she says she feels her time is 'gone' ie, he grew out of the majority of the issues. She is going to keep seeing him though, to see what is going on.

And Jimjams, I second you on the reins. I find Boots reins fit my chunky nearly 4 year old ok, so OP might get away with those.

I know not everyone likes them, and indeed with some kids they aren't at all necessary. But I believe when you are using them for safety, and not convenience (ie can leave child hooked to lampost outside bookies) they are fab invention.

He sounds a lot like my son - probably a stupid question but have you had his hearing checked - my son has had chronic glue ear hence late to speak, and lots of challenging behaviour.
My son also did the sitting on the floor if you put reins on him (and then would often head butt the pavement)..in the end I bought a phil and ted's E3 buggy which can take a 5 year old (it's a double so my little dd could be pushed too) - it also has no bar behind the back rest bit and strong straps so when he did his screaming, head thrashing thing he didn't get hurt. I pushed him in it until the day before he started school.
My son hates the concept of free play - he needed structure, once we accepted that things got a bit easier - he was following complicated lego instructions from an early age and building things ( but at the same time couldn't 'get' simple instructions about how to behave). He also likes cooking (baking cakes, making popcorn). Can you think of something you like to do that he could help you with, rather than having to play his games all the time - ds 'helps' dh with diy, handing him tools, screws etc..
You mention bribery, but that he 'remembers it and realises it's not true' - if you 'reward' rather than bribe and always give what you've promised then he'll probably trust you more.
For what it's worth, my ds is now 5 and I have said to dh, I love ds more than dd because I have to, I am so aware of how much I love him every time he melts down..(not that I don't love dd, I just don't get overwhelmed by it in the same way)
Any way, it's late and I'm sure I'll have a lot of wake-ups tonight from small child with runny nose.

Oh, just remembered, we also put a trampoline in the living room to try to use up some of the energy without the trauma of trying to get him to the park..worked a treat.

Aah, nearly right, just got the age and the sex wrong Colditz

I'm glad it's calmed down for you. It sounds positive from the Ed Psych. Do you minfd if I ask how you got to see them?

HV has said I need to speak to the nursery before he starts, regarding DS2's inability to deal with situations, people not being where DS2 thinks they should be mainly and I was wondering if the nursery had picked up on anything with your DS or did you have to push for it?

Well, I hd been nagging for speech therapy since ds1 was 18 months old. I must have sounded like a maniac, but he never babbled. he was silent. then I upped the nagging when he turned 2. Then when he was 2.5, he started at the plaayschool, still with only about 10 words, and those not often used. He was seen when nearly three, and she basiclly said she could do nothing with him as he literally could not sit down and listen to her.

She said his speech problems were caused by his behavior problems.

The Playschool said his behavior problems were caused by his speech problems.

The SENCO at the playschool asked my permission to have him seen, if I felt it necessary, but the Ed Psych, who was visiting for another child anyway. I agreed, and after plying with him for a bit at playschool, she came to see us at home last week.

She ws lovely, and she said she would keep coming back, as she feels it is quite complex as his needs aren't exactly ... intelectual. He copes well with the task at hand, when he will take it to hand. She feels he has some sensory issues, which may explain the never ending infernal fiddling with things.

But, the playschool are the people to go to, and having a health visiter who isn't dismissive, (or who you won't allow to dismiss you) certainly helps. When it is only your voice, you don't get too far, but once you get other people shouting too, things start moving. I just wish it had all happened this time last year, as he has to go to school in September

You sound like you are doing everything possible for him Colditz. And September is a long way off in terms of how they develop.

Its such a worry though isn't it?

I must admit now reading the latest messages. I feel that there are some of you that have had bigger probelms like me than most and that maybe the thread could be leading me to places i need to carry on reading.

To those of which are still trying to give great advice, i say the following. I have always carried out my actions and diciplines. My friends have always told me that they are very enveous of me of how i always carry out a punishment ie dont do what you are told (like runing off) we then go home. The reason why i wrote my 1st peice was because i was so sick and tired of my son spoiling our days and my daughter never getting any thing because we always end up back at home. Many punichsment have resulted in him going straight to his room after warnings. But do not make much difference and much more than you have all suggested.

I am very interested in the next level which i think colditz is going.

Yes i have gone on here many times trying to make people understand how bad it is. But it is hard to convince people when they think it is just a normal child either mis behaving or tantruming. My problem has always been i am not convincing enough or not intelligent enough to say. My friend saidto me today that when you look like a normal person it is hard for others to see you as something else, and that is the problem i have had for most of my life as i have an illness that has worsten dramaticaly because people did not believe me. i have often thought i have some form of dislexia but can not get away from the kids to sort it out. Maybe my son has it if i do.

If anyone else has any more extreme cases i would really like to hear about them and also how to get heard. Sorry to any of you if i have now blown my identity but i posted this and did not imagine i would get a single reponse as i just wanted to air my feelings.

I do know what you mean when you say nobody believes you. I used to get people saying "Oh, well, you need to be consistant" And they would get a tight little smile, but inside I would be screaming, because I am THE MOST consistant parent I know personally. And then people would say "Have you seen that Supernanny program?" and the internal demon would be screaming 'Fuckofffuckofffuckoff!'

i remember being reduced to tears when he destroyed my make up.

I would have him reciting back to me

"We don't touch mummy's make up, do we"
"No, mummy, we don't"
"Because what will mummy do?"
"Put me in my room and shut the door"

And he would touch it, and into his room he would go, and the very second, aft6erwards, when I took my eye off him, bqack to the make up he would trot.

Hi Louise,

I hope I haven't offended you by asking had you posted previously and I hope by asking I haven't "blown your identity" I just recall reading something similar a while ago and if it was you then it has been going on for a long time and you really must be at the end of yout tether with it.

Not trying to be a smart arse and I hope I haven't made you feel like I think you haven't been trying to find different ways to deal with your ds, simply passing on techniques that I have found worked with DS2.

I think you should try Colditz's approach and start pushing for him to be seen by a professional. What is your Health Visitor like? What about your Dr?

Colditz, the make up incident sounds awful. I just keep hoping that DS2 single bloodymindedness will be of some use to him when he's grown up and he won't be a faffer like me!

I remember nearly screaming at my HV when she said it was attention seeking.

He would sneak away from me playing with playdoh with him, on his own, upstairs, to play with my makeup.

Is that attention seeking? Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think it is!

i always cheer myself up with "At least he is never bored". And he never is, he always finds something to do, I just sometimes object to what he is doing

I've given DS2 some old makeup and left it where he can get to it and hidden all my fab new xmas present make up well out of his reach. Yet another situation where I've realised it's easier to let him put my old make up on and have to wash it all off befoer we go out than watch him destroy my Hard Candy lipglosses Still missing them now!

DS2 is a toucher. He has to touch everything. The wall, the lamppost, the floor, the windowsills, the gates, the grids, pick up rubbish and give it to me to carry til we find a bin (at least the Don't drop litter message is getting through!), a row of parked cars used to make me want to cry as he'd pull every car handle on the way past and then stop to look behind the wheel trims.

So another one who' sis never bored, I'll be using that one, but if I'm not feeling my best this sort of stuff can really get me down. A 10 minute round trip to our local shop can last nearly an hour with DS2 and his bimbling

Bimbl;ing, what a very apt word.

I can't go in Boots any more, because eds1 can undo bottles oe handed, and he poured shampoo everywhere once. I can't go into Specsavers because he pooed on their carpet last summer[blush (rofl though!). he is fiddle touch fiddle touch fiddle. People say """Tell him not to" but I DO! He4 just does it again. the only way to stop him touching is to not let him go anywhere near things, because able to reach = will touch.

OMG! Pooing in Specsavers and

I'm very lucky that the shops in the village we live in are very understanding of DS2 and his eccentricites and will play along with him or it could be they just don't ever want a repeat of when they didn't!

DD has been walking for a while now and I am just starting to, very reluctantly, take her out on her reins. DS2 requires so much attention to make sure he's not in destroy mode in shops that its hard to keep my eye on both of them at the same time. But I don't want DD to miss out on stuff and all thsi walking is meaning full nights sleep so I'm only going to places that I know are 'safe'.

I'm very reluctant to say anything in case I jinx it but DS2 has been so much better this week. You can guarnatee I'll be back on here in tears tomorrow now

Well i dont know if i am delighted in finally finding out. Finally having the cons believe me. Finally having the schools admit they actually have seen things. I have just been in a state of shock for the past week with the news i discovered. I thought his problems were to do with just his intorllerences but it appears he has Autistic Traits. Which means that it is not the full Autism that the general public etc would recognise but it only appears now and again and certain situations. I now have to work with Poerage Plus and Enco and Cahms and other specialists and peads etc. So i am sorry to all the people i have been so firm with over the past 2 years of appearing on here and also that i have had to change my nick name so many times because people were just not getting what i was saying, at all. But it has been recognised which i am delighted about that i was not a cranky mother winging and that my probs were much more severe than people did think. I just feel that i need to ecplain my self but also to say a BIG thankyou for people that did really help over the past 2 years. I did follow lots of your advices and i thank you for those tips. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX