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Is it ok to send a 7 year old to bed without any dinner as a punishment?

42 replies

Dunravin · 25/05/2004 00:21

I did this for the first time this week. I hated it, but really needed to make a point.

OP posts:
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tigermoth · 27/05/2004 21:56

My oldest son used to be sick if he got very angry or upset. Even when he was 7 years old. I can remember times when we had he had been naughty, we had shouted at each other, I had sent him to his room to sleep and, still upset, he had been sick. I would come in, change his bedclothes, pat him on the head (after being sick he would calm down) And then I'd leave him to go to sleep. I did not automatically feel I had to give him supper all over again, so technically he was going to bed without supper. He didn't seem to want any food either and he suffered no long term physical or mental harm IMO. Perhaps dunravin's son was very wound up - in that sort of mood some individuals just don't want to eat anyway. Perhaps he just did not want supper and rather than persuading him to have something, dunravin put him straight to bed.

IDismyname · 27/05/2004 22:17

I took my ds, then about 3.5, swimming with a friend and her son. Afterwards, we ordered them supper (including rarely available in our house- chips!) from the cafe as a treat. Neither of them would come and sit down to eat their food - they wanted to run around instead.
I warned ds three times that if he didn't eat supper in the cafe there would be nothing to eat when we got home. I made sure that he understood, because I felt it was a drastic action to take.
Still.... he ate no supper. So, we had a chat in the car on the way home about it, and I explained again that there would be no supper.

I did relent when I got home, but it was a glass of milk and a piece of bread. He never did it again, and nor did I !!

Tortington · 27/05/2004 23:25

i disagree with you all! there bet your surprised . firstly to give this punishment i would have to witness the behaviour of my child in relation to the situation. if indeed your kid is being a brat and the swimming teacher isn't a bitch or its not just your kid and other kids provoke. if i knew he had eaten and the amount he had eaten that day wasn't just a butty but if he had a meal etc etc. THEN if i am satisfied my kid is being a complete brat then yes i think its ok as an occasional punishment. a 7 yr old won't starve.

you know your child, you obviously feel guilty because you posted on here. if you think its ok and you weighed up the options that day. then yes. i think its good to remind kids that your the boss and rules are not made to be broken.

clary · 29/05/2004 00:53

Hey Dunravin I hope you haven't been frightened off! Come back and tell us how it is now! How was this week's swimming lesson?

lou33 · 29/05/2004 12:05

Am I the only one who has doubts as to Dunravin's authenticity? He/she also posted this on the same day.

KateandtheGirls · 29/05/2004 12:34

I was wondering why she hadn't checked back to this thread...

KateandtheGirls · 29/05/2004 12:34

I was wondering why she hadn't checked back to this thread...

tigermoth · 29/05/2004 13:17

I was under the impression that one of the posters here knows dunravin in real life. Clary, hope you don't mind me quoting you here:

"I'm not sure what I think about this - cannot disentangle it from knowing you are one of the best and most loving mums I know."

Perhaps I have misunderstood the above? I can see why dunravin genuinely might not want to post again here, but I can also see what you are getting at lou. I am sure dunravin is a long time poster as well. The name is familiar.

lou33 · 29/05/2004 14:26

Well I do hope I am wrong, but the two posts together just made me wonder, that's all.

tigermoth · 29/05/2004 15:31

...and when I do a search I can only find 3 threads she's posted on, so perhaps she is not a long time poster. I really don't know.

lou33 · 29/05/2004 17:34

She is a new poster, confirmed.

clary · 30/05/2004 23:14

Lou, tigermoth, yes, she is a real person and yes, i do know her (she's fab as well). She posted to me (not knowing for certain it was me i don't think) on another thread and I didn't realise who it was...but when I read this thread I knew as I knew the story IYSWIM. Just hope she has been too busy/away for school hols to post here, rather than hating us all.

Miaou · 30/05/2004 23:29

Dunravin, please post back and let us know how you feel. A lot of the posts have not supported your action of taking away meals - right or wrong, we are supportive of you. What do you think? We are here to help, not to criticise unnecessarily. I'm sure everyone would agree with this?

tigermoth · 31/05/2004 08:55

Also, if you don't want to post more in this thread, Dunravin, please don't feel you can't post elsewhere on mumsnet. We won't be on your back! Sometimes people who start threads do make an exit from that one thread if they don't want continue with that discussion.

lou33 · 31/05/2004 10:56

I apologise if you are a genuine poster Dunravin, I have a protective mod hat on a lot of the time!

Dunravin · 02/06/2004 15:17

I'm back. Yes I'm real. I'm new. I don't have much time today though. School hols. We've been away and we are off again tomorrow.
Thank you to everyone who gave time to this thread. He did get some milk , a chat and a hug. We haven't been back to swimming yet(hols)but we are going to write a letter together to apologize and promise to do better. The pool manager said teachers are not supposed to go down this route unless the kid is causing danger to themselves or others. He was simply not listening, and not really trying. I think she had a bad day. Maybe I did too. One thing I need to practice is carrying out punishment threats. This was in my mind. Although not the best threat,probably one of the worst, but I do feel my son has been reminded who's the boss.For a little longer. My son is a big eater. He's fit and to him food, including dinner, is a treat. I think in future I might use the bread and butter option. Thanks again to those who gave me tips. I'm not looking for redemtion, but I was also keeping my four year old son and one year old daughter amused, so they wouldn't jump in the pool and cause more disruption. I'll be back.
Clary, thanks for your support. Feel free to learn from my mistakes.

OP posts:
tigermoth · 03/06/2004 07:17

dunravin, I had the most horrendous time sitting by the poolside, trying to keep my (then) 3 year old son out of the pool while my oldest son had his swimming lessons. At times I would witness my 9 year old mucking around in the water and not listening to his teacher, while my 3 year old was intent on trying to struggle off my lap, run round the edge of the pool, throw toys into the water, while shouting gleefully at his older brother. I dread to think what all the other parents thought of us. I seemed to spend my whole time being cross with one son or the other. And things got even worse afterwards, when all three of us would be in the changing room. My oldest son procrastinated so much!! Many was the time I was close to tears.

In the end I was allowed to take my youngest son to the playpark next door to the pool, keeping my mobile on in case I was needed. My oldest son was better behaved in the lessons and got dressed more quickly if his brother was out of the way. I checked this with the teacher and we agreed things were working much better. I used to wait in the reception area for ds1 to arrive dressed.

However, one day a temporary teacher took the class and when I came to collect my son she was incandescent with rage. She told me off severely for leaving my son alone, was unprofessionally nasty about my son and told me he had been wildly swinging off equipment in the changing room (something he had never done with me). When I told her about the arrangement I had with the regular teacher and suggested there had been a breakdown in communication her end, she just got angrier and implied I was lieing.

Later on I checked her version with some parents and the caretaker who was present when she ranted at me, and they all said my son had been ok in the pool and changing room and her version was very exaggerated. I took this up with the swimming school. The regular teacher who ran the school said the temp teacher was a friend of hers. Gave no apology for the teacher losing her rag with me. I was asked to sit in on future lessons - fair enough, but I had only ever left because I had been allowed to. Still makes me cross thinking about it.

Sorry, rambling here, but just wanted to say that swimming teachers IME aren't always right. Their teaching conduct is not closely regulated by any central body, as I found out, so they can do what they like. I looked into making an official complaint, but the regular teacher told me there was no one to complain to apart from her! and basically she was right.

Hope your son's next swimming lesson goes smoothly.

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