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Original poster

Is cuddling to sleep asking for trouble?

26 replies

tyrone · 08/12/2006 23:05

Am I asking for trouble by cuddling my DS to sleep, he's almost 10 months. Tried CC other night when he woke for no reason at 3am (fourth time that night!) - still up at 4.30am screaming his head off so I gave in and picked him up for a cuddle and he was asleep in minutes!! Usually he falls asleep at bedtime (try to stick to regular routine) during his bedtime bottle so difficult to put to bed awake. Was sleepy tonight but still awake so went upstairs with him and put him into bed but he went mad. DH eventually went up as I was close to tears and cuddled him which works very quickly. Don't mind the cuddles if they help him but I am worried it will lead to sleep problems for him later on. DS has just cut front top tooth (already has two bottom and two fangs!) and thought this might be part of the problem as he usedto be a really good sleeper (he needs his sleep like him mum and sleeps on till almost 10 in the morning if he's been up at night). He had a nasty cough that seemed to wake him every night at about 5am so i don't know if its just habit with him now. Tried calpol for teeth but worried about using it everynight and try bongela through the night if he wakes upset but its more that he wants to be lifted and cuddled to go back to sleep - should I just go with it and hope he grows out of it himself.

OP posts:
mears · 08/12/2006 23:13

Just cuddle him if that is what he needs.

andaSOAPBOXinapeartree · 08/12/2006 23:21

We started by cuddling our DCs to sleep when they were babies and they are now 6yo and 8yo and we still have family cuddles together every evening - although they do go to sleep by themselves now - only occasionally falling asleep when we are with them.

We all cuddle up in our bed, and we read a story and then just chat about our days. It is the time of day when disappointments are shared (I didn't make the football/netball team - so and so says he isn't my friend any more etc etc) and when we tell each other how much we love them - and share how proud we are of them as they grow older, day by day.

Sure it takes 1/2 hour out of busy days, but it is the most rewarding part of parenting than anything else that we do, IMO. I can't for a moment imagine ever regretting that time spent with them each evening!

So in my book, cuddles and rods should never appear together in the same sentence - or even the same page

Original poster
tyrone · 08/12/2006 23:25

Thanks mears. Maybe worrying too much as usual about something that might not happen. Worried we will still be cuddling to sleep when he's two! Been searching the web for hours tonight for advice and some say get them to fall asleep on their own as soon as poss (seems impossible for us as he could scream all night I think!) and others say just cuddle and reassure. DH and I are knachered by the waking and hope its a phase as most things seems to be. might try to cuddle and settle then put to bed and sit close by till he's asleep. If I'm honest I hope the waking stops again soon and I don't have to worry about picking him up!! Why don't they tell you at ante-natal classes that you become a compulsive worrier???

OP posts:
nearlythree · 08/12/2006 23:29

If it works for you right now, do it. At some time in the future you may need to do some form of sleep training (I did with my dds) but you won't regret those precious night-time cuddles, nor will you regret being there for your ds when he needed you.

Original poster
tyrone · 08/12/2006 23:37

Have spoke to DH and both agreed to go with the cuddles for a bit to see if it helps. Will maybe try different pain killer for him too as wee cheeks are quite red and don't think calpol does much for him - DH thinks teething is the problem (hope he's right for once!!)

OP posts:
2nervesnapartridgeinapeartree · 08/12/2006 23:44

Yes it is asking for trouble

But it is bloody luverly.

HEIFERmerryxmasandhappyMOOyear · 08/12/2006 23:50

just want to say that we cuddled or DD to sleep as a baby - she is now almost 3 and we are still having to stay with her in the room until she falls asleep..

I always say I wish we hadn't had cuddled her to sleep when she was a baby - but can't actually see how we could have done it differently as she screamed the place down every time we put her down...

I would suggest that if you do continue cuddly to sleep then you try to stop it every few months to see what happends..

we left it too late with DD.. it was always so much easier to cuddly to sleep as asleep really quickly. but it changes as they get older and takes longer to get them back to sleep..

also - because you cuddly to sleep when they wake in the night they need you to cuddy to get back to sleep.... this is very hard to stop...

our dd only started to sleep through the night about 3 months ago - when we made her go to sleep by herself....

maisiemog · 08/12/2006 23:58

We co-sleep and intended to cuddle our DS who is now two, and will do with any other children.
There are a lot of arguments on behalf of staying with your children until they are ready to be independent.
Apparently the rest of the world do sleep with their children, and babies sleeping alone is quite a western concept. Dr Sears thinks co-sleeping helps build a child's confidence and allows them to attach properly, so they can be fully independent and secure when the time comes.
In the past, our DS has slept alone, because he used to sleep in a cot for the first part of the night and cuddling was a bit unfeasible. Plus he napped all over the shop.
I can't imagine he is going to want to be cuddled to sleep when he is eighteen, so I'm not that worried, but I'm making the most of him while he wants all that stuff.

nearlythree · 09/12/2006 00:15

The only thing I would say is be very careful if he is hot, we needed to cuddle baby ds last week as he was really unsettled and I'm sure it made him get a higher temp than he would have done.

cruisemum1 · 09/12/2006 10:22

Oh crumbs! You ar worrying me to death here. ds will not fall asleep unless he is bf and cuddled. He is only 13 weeks but rod and back and springing to mind.... I have set up a different thread to seek out opinions but they vary so wildly that I don't know what to do?!!!

nearlythree · 09/12/2006 10:38

Do what feels right for you. You are your baby's mummy and you know his needs. Trust yourself.

USAUKMum · 09/12/2006 11:17

I bf & cuddled both DD & DS to sleep. We made the transition to them going to sleep by themselves around 1. There were a couple of rough days, but now they are happy. We have family cuddle when they get up in the morning (as I think 6am is just too early to get up now am SAHM)

It is a lovely time, and I don't regret it at all.

cruisemum1 · 09/12/2006 12:03

nearlythree and usa - sounds like you are so chilled about it. I will try to realx and enjoy. . Thankyou

maisiemog · 09/12/2006 18:21

Here's another point of view about the overheating thing - I remember when I watched a video in hospital about kangaroo baby pouches or something,(like a sling) they said that the parent's body helped to regulate the baby's, so they wouldn't overheat.
However, as far as I know, babies under one can't cope with a duvet, and get overheated, so it is better for them to sleep with their own blanket or in a baby sleeping bag either beside or on top of the duvet. (sorry long sentence)
But check it out on the web to see what you think.
This is quite a contentious issue and as you have seen there is lots of anecdotal information. If you are still confused I think you might feel happier doing a bit of separate research to settle your mind.
Ultimately you have to do what feels comfortable for your style of parenting and for the personality and needs of your baby. Just because other people got on fine with something else doesn't mean it is going to work for you.
And enjoy your baby too, time really does fly - ask my mum.
Oh, and give your baby an extra cuddle from me.

Glitterygookwithchocsonthetree · 09/12/2006 18:31

Yes, it's asking for trouble but it's sooo nice!

We got into the habit of holding/cuddling ds1 to sleep - you just have the time to do that with one baby, you chill out in front of the tv cuddling them and are not having to race round doing 101 other things.

However, by about 9-10 months we were finding we couldn't get him to go down to sleep without rocking him and he was getting heavy! Plus I got pg again and I was shattered. We did do cc and it only took a couple of nights to get him sorted - but before we did that we spent hours walkign round and round with him!

We didn't go down that road with ds2 or ds3 - they got, and still do get, loads of cuddles and a cuddle before bed/as you put them to bed, we always put them down awake and I have to say, they have always been fabulous sleepers.

santasbaby · 09/12/2006 18:42

It is trouble but so nice! The older they get the harder it is to get them to sleep on their own. I have done cc with my dd at 5 months and again at 9 months when she went through a crazy waking in the night at all hours phase! It is hard but it does work - she was settling her self to sleep within a week at 5 months and 2 weeks at 9 months....but.........you really both have to want to do it. If you are happy doing what you are doing now, then stick with it. When you and dh are ready, then that is the time to put some sleep training in place. In the meantime, enjoy your cuddles, my dd is 11 months and when everyone says they grow up so quick, they really are right!!!

HEIFERmerryxmasandhappyMOOyear · 09/12/2006 18:49

It is nice to cuddle them to sleep - I loved that bit - what I don't like as a result of it the DD inability to sleep through the night....

that comes from being cuddled to sleep so that when she wakes in the night (as all babies/children do), she can't go back to sleep on her own as she has never learnt to...

She is almost 3 and can now do so, but it took a lot of sleepless nights and long evenings to get her to learn to fall asleep on her own...

kateyp · 09/12/2006 19:45

And of course - there will all too soon come a time when a cuddle from Mummy (or Daddy I guess) is the last thing they want!

We cuddle our 2 yr old to sleep and have done since he was tiny. At the moment slightly regretting it - he is in a big boy bed now and having difficulty settling himself in the night. But he goes to bed really well - drinks his milk, short cuddle then lays down and goes to sleep. We are hoping that the night time waking will be short lived. (Suspect I have just incurred the wrath of the sleep gods and they will now smite me)

And I wouldn't change the cuddles we have had with him at all. As I said to begin with - I suspect all to quickly he will be a smelly teenager, grunting at me form the sofa so have to enjoy these cuddles whilst they last!

cjmummy · 09/12/2006 19:51

tyrone .. we used to cuddle our ds to sleep with his last bottle on our bed (as their isn't enough space in his room to feed and settle him). I was aware that we might be creating a problem with him settling himself as he got older so we then started lying next to him .. not touching him whilst he drank his bottle and waited until he was asleep and then put him in his own room. Over time we started putting him in his cot before he fell asleep. Now he is a little older we still lie next to him while he has his bottle and read him a book and then put him in his cot wide awake with his soft toy and he settles himself within a few minutes. It was all really gradual but worked for us! Good luck whatever you decide to do.

lisalisa · 09/12/2006 20:04

Message withdrawn

blueshoes · 09/12/2006 20:46

My co-sleeping dd who needs me or dh to lie with her in bed whilst she falls asleep goes to sleep in 5-10 mins and sleeps through 11 hours, rarely waking. Tyrone, I wouldn't worry about cuddling. It's a lovely time.

BTW, dd was the world's worst sleeper as a baby, bf and all.

maisiemog · 09/12/2006 22:21

I forgot to say that my little boy is now 24 months and I bf and lay beside him until he is asleep. Generally, he doesn't want me to cuddle him to sleep, so I just lie there beside him. Sometimes I fall asleep. Heehee!
Generally he is asleep pretty quickly, but once he is asleep he usually sleeps around 12 hours, sometimes more, although he does wake up once and comes to get me for a quick bf then goes straight back to sleep, this is usually around 12.
The theory is that gradually he won't want me to help him sleep, probably before he is 16.
When I think about the time in the future when I don't co-sleep, I do feel a bit sad. This is such a special time for me, and I know it won't stay like this. [sighs]
I think most seven year old boys don't want you to kiss them, let alone cuddle them to sleep.
The thing is I chose to do this, so it doesn't worry me, but generally people {my friends and family} tell you not to, so it can be difficult unless you have made a commitment to doing it.

nikki48023506 · 09/12/2006 22:28

my dd is 7 months old now and she is still rocked/cuddled to sleep at night, she does however go to sleep on her own at nursery/during the day at home. i did CC with my ds now 4 as he would wake during the night (he now sleeps 13 hours!). my dd does not wake during the night and has slept thru the night since 6 weeks. i think it is all down to each individual child - personally i love cuddles from both of my kids at bedtime and certainly don't think this is wrong! If you feel uncomfortable with this, or feel it is ruling your life, then maybe do something about it, but i certainly wouldn't worry about it. Good Luck!

DeckthehallsLaDiDaDi · 09/12/2006 23:15

Do whatever feels right for you right now.

My dd is now 7 months old and we have gradually gone from staying downstairs in the evening and co-sleeping, to sleeping in her moses basket/co-sleeping, to sleeping only in the moses basket, to sleeping in her cotbed after being cuddled/rocked to sleep, to the present situation of sleeping in her cotbed after being put to bed sleepy but awake iyswim.

We moved from rocking to sleep to putting to bed awake because she was getting heavy for me to rock and she wouldn't go to sleep for dp at all because she wanted me their to bf her. I stopped bf (which I do miss sometimes) and we started to put her to sleep awake after her bottle. She does sometimes cry but for no more than 5-10 minutes and it's her tired cry rather than an upset cry. Then she settles and usually sleeps through. If she wakes up too early (before 8 as I'm still on mat leave) then I put her in bed next to me and enjoy cuddling up with her.

During the day if I can time it right then she will go down in her cot for a nap but if she's become too tired then she likes to be cuddled and sometimes I have a little nap with her. This is the loveliest time in the world.

DeckthehallsLaDiDaDi · 09/12/2006 23:16

Sorry, I mean there not their