DS (7) being really difficult at school (more than usual). Been banned from Xmas play. What now?

[clumsymum]

I've posted before that ds is having some behavioural issues at school, and they are trying to deal with it using charts and some 1 to 1 time with a TA. for some background see this thread

This week he's been worse than usual. He has had very few stars on his chart (I think he's getting bored with it).

Yesterday he was a real nuisance in the rehearsal for the play. Read his part well, but during the times he was waiting for his part on stage he was poking the other kids, putting them off, and making silly noises instead of singing along properly. So the head has decided that he can't participate, and will spend his time in a year 4 class during rehersals and the performance.

I don't know why this week is so much worse (except the change in classroom routine, and less physical activity like PE going on).

Thing is, they don't seem to be administering proper 'punishment' at school, (not getting a star is no big deal in ds's book), and they don't have much toffer by way of rewards either when he is good.

Any ideas please?

Cheers Roisin. DS seems to have grown into the problems at school, rather than out of them.

I have lost touch with Wedgiesmum altogether I'm afraid.

Thanks for thinking of us.

Ali, the head only called me at the end of the day because she had agreed with me not to send him home again. I had told her that he may like the idea of being sent home, and may try it on again, and indeed during his second tantrum he had yelled "I want to go home". So there was no point in phoning me, she just wanted me to see her before I took ds home.

We have had a gentle word with him on Saturday, but he can't tell us why he is getting angry, nor can he tell us if he knows when he is getting out of control. I really think he is testing them out at the moment. He has always been very strong willed, and challenges to get his own way.

I have explained to him that if he loses his temper today or tomorrow, then his teacher will probably have to say that he can't go to the party on Tuesday afternoon. I said no one can do anything about it but him.

I've also promised that we can go to macdonalds on Wednesday, if he can get to the end of term without getting a red card or having to see the head.

I'm not holdig my breath, becos when the 'red mist' comes down I think he forgets these things. I am praying for him though, as I'm running out of other ideas to help him.

Feel for you here, but also worry that there is so much emphasis on labelling kids. am lucky that my ds (4) is at a school where although there are alot of diverse needs and very tough catchment area, they really work to emphasise the positive. ds had to 'partner' the head during his play and do all the songs and actions with her next to him. obviously it was because he can't help but muck about and draw attention but he told me with great pride it was because the head needed a partner and REALLY likes him. he was happy and in the scheme of things did pretty well. they have him down as boisterous and confident. when he is over the top he has to go and sit in class two quietly - which is very dull, so he sorts himself out and goes back in again. also, even if he is under the sad face it doesn't mean he can't get a happy face on the same day which i think is great. sorry a bit long, but your son needs to be allowed to be himself and get positive resposnses even if he has a 'blip' in the day. good luck.

I got banned from school plays when I was small, up to the point they realised that freed me to cause more trouble...
I did get some good academics in the end though.
There is a danger that your kid is now bascially labelled a trouble maker, and that can become a vicious cycle. I reached the point where I realised I was going to be shat on by the Christian teachers regardless of my behaviour, so for a while it became really quite bad. The kids picked up on it, and it got the point where they genuinely felt that a gang of a dozen of them attacking me was sanctioned by the staff. Was quite a mess, if they'd been competent I could have been badly hurt. The school realised that the parents of richer kids were in proximate danger of being broken, and finally took some action, and punished my attackers. Was quite bizarre, because they had to explain to the gang that yes Dominic was a bad person, but that fucking him around was their job.

Kids need some sort of gradient, and some way not only of progressing, but feel thee is some point

I've emailed you clumsymum

I'd love to know where your son goes to school!! My son was banned from xmas play too, for disruptive behaviour. I've heard from a TA i'm friendly with that he was no more disruptive than other boys in his class! I've also had problems with him showing his privates! (not at school) An 8 year old is going around the school saying he wants to shag his friends mums! There seems to be inappropriate sexual behaviour in the toilets, showing others private parts etc. My son is 7 and I'm not happy about him being subjected to this. He has been threatened with exclusion for sicking his fingers up but i've seen the older boys doing that as they walk home from school, shouting and swaring across the road to each other. I think the teachers should do more to find the route of this behaviour because it's not something our kids are getting from home and taking to school, they are getting it from school in the first place!