Lack of smile...his and mine.

[vixies]

My little one is 9 weeks old and no hint of a smile yet. As a first-timer I know I'm worrying myself silly about absolutely everything so far, and am just so shocked that motherhood is nothing like I thought it would be. I feel guilty about everything al the time, and if I'm being truthful I'm simply not enjoying being a mum at the moment. Is this normal?

glad you're feeling better today - it sounds like you've had a great day if a puke on your shoulder was her worst offence!! I think the trick with routine is to be flexible (the danger with the strict routines is watching the clock like an obsessive - I know, I've been there with DS1!!) - get her up the same sort of time every day and she'll probably be ready for a nap a couple of hours later max, and she'll let you know when she's hungry, but if no signs, feed every 3-4 hours!

I felt awful the other day - took DS2 to a friend's house to show him off and he cried the whole time. I had the same conversation, usually he's so good etc. etc. Then I changed his nappy - he had a washable one on and a pair of those pants you put over the top, and there was a big red line round his tummy. He stopped IMMEDIATELY the nappy came off. How crappy mum did I feel?!

Don't feel bad claire - I bet he didn't scream as if he was being tortured like my DD did today - she screamed staring at me as if to say "you drove me here, scared the shit out of me and put people in my face you horrible woman" bet you're a fab mum

You know some babies just don't smile as readily as others. My ds2 wasn't a smiler and many a kind old lady walked off disappointed that she couldn't get so much as a grimace off him!!!
Being a first time mum is tough.
All the magazines don't really help by showing all these happy made up mums with cooing babies ( all of which are a lot older than newborns btw). Soon you will learn to trust in youself and be guided by your own instincts and get to really know your son.
It does tend to get easier after 12 weeks when they settle into more of a routine and become a little more predictable,
good luck

Vixies - having a baby who doesn't smile is tough, it can feel like you are not getting something back.
One of my dts didn't smile, and I found him hard to cope with in other ways. I now look back and think no wonder he didn't smile when I kept doing these fake smiles at him to get him to do it
Then he did little lopsided smiles, and now he smiles a lot but has this really really sweet bashful smile that melts my heart.

Kittycc - so true!!! I must be really dim, or just very inexperienced with babies. The more I think about it the more I see that I was probably expecting to give birth to a 6 month old... I think all magazines should specify the age of the baby in the picture so complete f*c&wits like me know what to expect, and a disclaimer that states "please note, the normal, slim, made-up sane woman in this photograph is actually a model who has no children in her life whatsoever, and gets a guaranteed 8 hours sleep per night".

Still no smile from my little man, but he's definately a bit happier I think. He just looks so serious the whole time...in a kind of disaproving of me way. He's probably just in despair that I'm so hopeless...

Vixies, I think these mags do more harm than good. They are full of scare stories and give a very false impression of what it actually means to be a proper mum.
I am sure that as you relax more with your ds then he will sense those calm vibes and chill out too, enough to smile even

roro, throw the books in the bin! the baby whisperers advice gave me mastitis when ds was 3 weeks old. yep, proper 104 degrees, couldnt look after the baby and in dreadful pain. her methods are generally mad imho. the only book i trust is by dr sears, without that book i would have been in big trouble. it taught me to trust my instinct. ds fed every 2 hours day and night for 6 months and all the other books said i was getting it wrong by feeding him on demand. god knows what would have happened if i hadnt. had a screaming baby 24/7 i suppose.

there is so much good advice on here already, but I just felt I wanted to add something as I can really relate to all of this.

when ds was born people kept asking me if I was enjoying being a mum. I just smiled and said of course in a semi convincing voice but really I just didnt get it at all. I mean when you look at it in reality I dont think enjoyment comes into it in the first few weeks. It is tough and tiring and although you love them, it is too surreal and demanding to be enjoying. Because everyone was asking me if I was loving it, I felt there was something wrong with me that I wasnt.

Completely understand the baby being passed around stress. My ds is 2 now and it is such a relief that he can choose not to go and give someone a cuddle and come back to me when he wants.

My ds didnt smile for weeks and I was sure he didnt like me but he is a real mummys boy now and the light of my life. I am actually looking forward to having another one now as I know what to expect, and think I will be much more relaxed second time around. Easy to say now......