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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Would u give pud if main course not eaten?

59 replies

Birdly · 29/11/2006 17:32

DS, who is nearly 2, has a small appetite and loses interest in meals very quickly. He often asks for a yoghurt afterwards, and I'm not sure whether to give him one or not when he's barely touched his main course. I'm not particularly strict (ie "no main course no pud!"), but he's a very early riser (5am) and I worry that if he's not full at teatime he'll continue to wake up early forever! Any ideas?

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fortyplus · 30/11/2006 23:44

We went through this - how would you feel if you were faced with a huge heap of food? Give him tiny portions of the main meal, then allow the pud. That way you'll avoid conflict at mealtimes and things will improve. Otherwise you're turning mealtimes into a battle ground. Yoghurt is healthy, too - it's not as though he's stuffing his face with sweets.

hunkermunker · 30/11/2006 23:46

I give the DSs pudding - it's only yoghurt or fruit anyway usually. I never buy "kids yogs" - they both have plain yog quite often.

I leave dinner on the table too and the often go back to it after or during their pudding.

I'm another one who doesn't believe sweet food is a prize for eating savoury food.

fortyplus · 01/12/2006 00:05

Agree, hunkermunker...
'Eat it all up & you can have your pudding'
'You've grazed your knee? Have a cuddle & some sweets, that'll make it feel better'
'You've been such a good girl you can have some chocolate'
'I'll get some sweets for a special treat - we don't normally have them, but...'

No wonder there are so many fat kids when sugar is a reward & a pacifier.

Much better to give the yoghurt as a natural part of the meal.

Jimjams2 · 01/12/2006 00:07

depends on which child it is.

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky · 01/12/2006 00:08

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handlemecarefully · 01/12/2006 00:11

No - I don't expect plate to be cleared but I require a 'good effort' prior to pud!

fortyplus · 01/12/2006 00:12

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky - bound to be a grandparent - they've got a lot to answer for!

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky · 01/12/2006 00:26

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juuule · 01/12/2006 07:52

I would and have. Some of my children would go on to eat their main course after eating their pudding. If he's only got a small appetite, I would only give small portions. Would also keep something for him to eat for supper.

fortyplus · 01/12/2006 08:22

I have a friend who has 3 daughters. dd1 then 8 year gap - dds 2& 3 are 2 yrs apart. dd1 didn't have ANY sweets till she was 4 or 5 - 'healthy' foods only. By the time 2&3 came along sweets & choc were part of the routine so they had them from babyhood.
All 3 girls are grown up now and guess what? dd1 is 3 stone overweight and apparently practically looks like she's having an orgasm when she eats chocolate. The other 2 are normal weight and not bothered by sweet foods.
My own children were given chocolate from an early age - I always thought that was better than jelly sweets etc, though they sometimes have those, too. Both are normal, healthy weights - if fact ds2 is a little on the skinny side.
Both of them had about 5 Easter Eggs this year and have still got one left!

PortAndLemonaid · 01/12/2006 09:24

I do. I'm not going to make him eat something he really doesn't want before he's allowed to eat something he does (assuming that the something he does is also fairly healthy, i.e. fruit or yogurt). I'd like to produce an adult who is capable of thinking "what do I really want to eat", preparing and eating that. That said, he's not a fussy eater and eats a wide range of things (still working on salad, though), so I don't think I'm indulging culinary fads. If he looked to be becoming ultra-picky then I might rethink.

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky · 01/12/2006 10:06

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fruitcake · 01/12/2006 12:07

I give small portions & if that isn't eaten, then no pud. As largeginandtonic said, there would be mutiny! I was brought up by parents who, as children, had been deprived during WW2 and waste was unthinkable. The mentality of waste not, want not is, quite naturally, fully entrenched in my parenting.

OMG, that sounds pompous!

chocolatedot · 01/12/2006 14:16

We have a proper pudding every night (i.e steamed pudding and custard, apple pie etc etc) and my 3 get it whether or not they've eaten all of their main course. A love of good food and a real enthusiasm and enjoyment of family meal times is very important to me.

My eldest started out as an extremely fussy and small eater and approached meal times with something approaching fear. Since I gave up work, meal times heave been transformed into something he looks forward to immensely.

Pudding is also a good way of providing fruit, eggs, cream etc and provided much needed calories.

Littlefish · 01/12/2006 14:30

The policy in the nursery where I work is that puddings are included in the balanced daily & weekly diet. They are always milk or fruit puddings. As such, children are offered pudding whether or not they have finished their first course. Obviously if you are offering chocolate and sticky puddings every day this wouldn't work.

My dd is always offered yoghurt or fruit for pudding no matter how much of her first course she has eaten. I want her to develop her own understanding of when she is full, or has had enough of a particular food. By making pudding a "reward" for eating more than she might really want, I would be encouraging her to overeat and ignore her own signs of fullness.

Gem13 · 01/12/2006 14:34

I would at that age but not after 2.5/3. Here if they don't eat most their main meal they're allowed bread and butter but that's because I'm trying out a lot of new recipes at the moment (veg box roulette!). I think it's fair enough for them to discover they're not keen on something.

rosie79 · 01/12/2006 20:10

We very rarely have pudding after a main meal, but have snacks of fruit or yoghurt available whenever ds is hungry and wants some. Agree with others that tiny portions work best and he often has a small plate of starters while main meal is cooking, this is laways vegetables of some kind nicely presented!

I wrote a list of rights for my children and one of them is "you have a right not to eat anything you do not want to eat". However, if he doesn't eat what is being offered at a mealtime, he doesn't eat. I don't offer him something else. Sometimes he eats, other times he doesn't. He stops when he is full too rather than when the food is finished. IMO this is a healthy positive attitude to eating and food.

iwearflairs · 01/12/2006 20:13

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HazelnutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 01/12/2006 21:23

We dont do puds here either. I was told that we dont really need pudding after eating a main meal. (Social Services) I have seen a lot of children not eat their main meal so they have room for their pudding. Not wanting the main meal just so they can have the pudding instead. I never got a puuding at home until we went to live with my step mum. Then we had a pudding as a treat now and then. Sometimes we had a cooked sunday lunch. (friends came for a roast lunch) we would then have a pudding for tea.

At home with my 3 DC we have breakfast, then a snack at about 11am, apple, banana, greaps. lunch at 12:30/1pm, sarnies+ a small pack of crisp/ a packet shared + yog. 2 biscuits/home made cookies/cake at 4pm once home from school then tea/dinner at 5:30/6pm. full cooked meal. No puddings. sometimes if still hungry about 30 minutes after tea they have some sort of fruit/veg stick.

But sometimes we will have a pudding as a treat. I wont do a full cooked meal as I have planed a treat of a pudding. fruit pie/cake and custard. or rice pudding etc. The DC love it more then and they do see it as a food they have to eat. I dont have much trouble with them not wanting to eat their cooked meal. Its normaly that I have put to much on their plates or they are not feeling 100%.

SS and the HV were happy with what I do for meals, puddings and snacks. Much to XP1 anger what he wanted them to believe they should be eating!

wulfricsmummy · 01/12/2006 22:45

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mrspoppins · 03/12/2006 00:33

If your puddings are as healthy nutritionally as your main courses...should it matter if they have them???

I'm a Mum to 2 dd's and have been a nanny for 12years, nurse before that.

I've always let mine have dinner or pud as they feel that day. Pud is always a healthy affair unless on Sundays when it is more of a traditional pudding so whether they are getting their calcium from cheese on toast or yoghurt...etc...who cares?

Both mine and all that I've looked after will eat all sorts of foods and are of healthy weight.

I think it is US who see pud as a treat and so have hang ups about it. Look at it as an extension to your meal and don't fret. Haven't you ever had enough of your dinner but still wanted a bit of desert?

Make no issue and it won't be one.........imho!!!

Littlefish · 03/12/2006 11:00

I agree with Wulfricsmummuy and Mrs Poppins.

fortyplus · 03/12/2006 11:57

FloatingInTheMoonlitSky - I think salty foods are more of a concern than sweet ones when it comes to high blood pressure. So if your children are a healthy weight and eat lots of fresh foods the I wouldn't worry too much. It's good that children learn to understand the importance of eating a variety of foods - it's the ones who exist mainly on processed or 'convenience' foods who may be storing up problems for later.
Mine have a 'pudding' if they are still hungry after their main course, but it's often a piece of fruit rather than something sweet.
I've also tried to encourage them to appreciate home cooked food - they both enjoy cooking so will sometimes make something like a bread & butter pudding or a fruit crumble. Whoever is serving up the main course will ask how much of something evryone wants. My rule when they were little was that if they'd asked for something they should eat it and if they weren't hungry they should try to eat all the veg & protein and leave the carbs. I wouldn't be very happy if someone piled my plate up with loads more food than I wanted to eat, would you? The most important thing for me was to avoid snacks before mealtimes - that way the boys were hungry and would probably eat the whole meal anyway.

bouncy · 03/12/2006 12:29

sorry not read all of thread.

In our house ds has to have a good attempt at a meal, i wouldn't let him have a pudding if he had one mouthful, but I would never make him clean his plate. This is what my mum used to make us to as children and because of that all the brothers and sisters are the same, we find it very hard to leave a plate with food on it, no matter how full we might be, and because of the amount we eat we are all overweight. I did see a hypntherapist to help me lose weigh and this is what the thought the root of the problem was, so luckily I can now leave food and managed to have weight loss.

fortyplus · 03/12/2006 13:25

bouncy - pleased for you - this is exactly what I thought about people making an issue of clearing the plate.

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