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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do you have a naughty step??

26 replies

VanillaMilkshake · 16/11/2006 21:28

I just wondered how many of you agree and disagree with the naughty step thing??

We tried it for a while but DD(2 then - 3 now) used to get off and short of holding her there there was no way we could make her stay, and as we are open plan I could'nt shut a door etc.

So now when she is naughty she is told firmly what she has done is not acceptable and to go away. And she takes herself out of the room or directly to the step. Then when she has thought about things she comes back and apologises. Dont know how we fell into this behaviour with her but it seems to work for us. And we hardly have to do it anymore anyway - not that she is an angel, but she seems to listen more.

Just curious about everyone else does.

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Twiglett · 16/11/2006 21:31

that's a 'naughty step' ... taking herself off and thinking about things .. it doesn't literally have to be a 'step'

zorina · 16/11/2006 22:00

I believe totally in the naughty step, i didn't at first but since my sister introduced to her daughter i couldn't believe the results. As long as you stick with it and not give in then it works. My 2 half year old niece smacked her 11 week old brother in the face when i was baby sitting. She got the naughty step but kept laughing and running off, i kept putting her back, not talking to her. She kept running off then crawling quietly in the room. I perservered. It was hard as i had her 11 week brother in the room and my own 6 week son as well.but she got the message and cried but stayed on the step. she said sorry and gave me a cuddle after i explained to her what she had done. Credit to parents who have more than 1 child.

avocadoatrix · 16/11/2006 22:23

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jennifersofia · 16/11/2006 22:27

We call it the time out step, because it isn't so much that the child is being naughty per se, but that the behaviour that they were doing is not acceptable, and they need to have some time out to calm down and think about it. If they get off, I just say that I am going to ignore them until they do what I have asked. I then blank them totally, until they have removed themselves and calmed down and are ready to be back with everyone else.

Original poster

VanillaMilkshake · 17/11/2006 09:35

Actualy that's a good point JS. It's not just when DD is naughty - but when behaviour she has displayed is not aceptable. She knows the second she has said something unacceptable - or rather in an unacceptable tone of voice that we are unhappy about it and the bottom lip comes out before she apologises. I she really does'nt like to be told to 'go away'.

I had a friend with twins who said with her DD's they were completely opposite. If sent out of the room one would sob and cry until she was allowed back to apologise, the other would slope off to her room and read - so being told to go was actually no punishment. So for her she was made to sit on a chair - right next to her mum or dad and not move or talk unless it was to apologise.

I am as interested in how children perceive the 'naughty step -time out' aproach as I am to how parents use it.

OP posts:

saadia · 17/11/2006 09:46

Yes we do, it's rarely used - only as a last resort - but we find it very effective. We have two very boisterous dss who really need the time and space to calm down and they are always told why they have been sent there.

But not every method works for every child so I wouldn't say it is suitable for all children.

Marne · 17/11/2006 09:47

Yes, we have a naughty step, and it must be working as we hardly use it.

She knows when she has been naughty and now does'nt need to be told when to sit there. We do have to make sure the stairs are clear as she has a good imagination and can turn it into a game using things which have been left there.She always says sorry when i go to get her, i also find it good as it gives me time to cool off if i am angry with her.

spinamum · 17/11/2006 10:03

we have a naughty step but Daddy is sent to it quite a bit at moment by DS. DH has being a bit stressed and sometimes he does,not exactly shout, but snap at DS for doing something naughty. So onto naughty step he goes, which means that DS must see it as a fair result to doing sometihng that has upset another member of our family!!! I believe in using it in moderation. When we started using it, DH was a bit trigger happy about using it which I thought was a bit pointless in that it diluted the effect a bit! Now that everyone has calmed down a bit it's used sparingly but does the trick. DS is also getting to stage that you can reason a bit more with him(Famous last words by the woman due to give birth to a rival sibling in a few weeks time!)

hunkermunker · 17/11/2006 10:06

No.

All of our steps are very well-behaved.

spinamum · 17/11/2006 10:06

Actually I heardly ever use it and DH still uses it quite a bit(or threatens it!) So not only is it differant for every child, it seems to be diff for us as parents too! Having said that the reasons for being there (or not) are the same

hunkermunker · 17/11/2006 10:07

Seriously though, no we don't. Don't like it for my children.

Original poster

VanillaMilkshake · 17/11/2006 10:07

LOL Spina - know what you mean about that!

We have started to tell DD she can remind mummy and daddy not to shout so that chastising behaviour is fair and can work in all directions.

Her keyworker at pre-school thought this was a good thing - just wiat till she tells him off

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moljam · 17/11/2006 10:10

we have thinking step.i didnt like it at first but it works well.also like it because if were out at say grannys she also has thinking step!we warn twice about behaviour then on step for 5 minutes,if calm a sorry and forgotten.

spinamum · 17/11/2006 10:22

LOL VM. When DS is "in the right" and we're being told off, we do feel about two feet tall and very embarassed! Just wait til keyworkers are on the end of that.

Rhubarb · 17/11/2006 10:24

Works for ds, he can be really naughty and aggressive. A bit of time out is good for him or he disrupts everyone.

Depends on the child, obviously.

duke · 17/11/2006 10:53

We live in a ground floor flat so ds is sent to the hall. Well more often than not it's a case of "do you want to go in the hall? Right stop it then" It works for me as I can use it at most peoples houses and whilst we are out, I just find a corridor. To be honest I need it more than him, a deep breath and count to 10!

sweetheart · 17/11/2006 11:06

We used to have a naughty step - we had to scrap it because dd got old enough to fully understand the process and she used to insist on me and dh sitting on it when she thought we had been naughty - she even figured out how to set the oven timer to 5 mins and used to get cross with us if we moved.

Of course we couldn't because it would have undermined what we were trying to teach her so in the end we abandoned that idea - I was fed up of sitting in our hallway when I could have been watching Eastenders!

bexmumof3 · 17/11/2006 11:19

hi I have just joined this website so not sure quite what to do, our naughty spot was used for about 6 hours the other day, she gets sent there and screams and cries out lots of nasty comments after 2 minutes we go to get her and ask her to apologise but she just shouts no go away leave me etc... we leave her again but sometimes this carries on for 30 mins before she will say sorry and come back to play, is this normal ?

moljam · 17/11/2006 11:21

id say it wasnt working for your lo if you used it for 6 hours!

bexmumof3 · 17/11/2006 11:27

We didn't use it for 6 hours straight but i felt as if she spent more time in the hall than anywhere else that day. She seems to go though stages of being good and then have a couple of really bad days

bexmumof3 · 17/11/2006 11:27

avocadoatrix · 17/11/2006 13:14

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bexmumof3 · 17/11/2006 14:03

Sometimes it works brilliantly and just the threat of the naughty spot is enough but other times im not sure, i wonder if it is a battle of wills who will give in first

avocadoatrix · 17/11/2006 17:29

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Kelly1978 · 17/11/2006 17:41

I would look for the triggers on those bad days personally. Especially if it is working other days and so try to avoid the situation arising.

I had a naughty step for dd (6) and ds (4) and a naughty cot in the kitchen for the dts 19 mnths. Dt1 is very bright and got the idea very early, but I only used it for both of them when they started getting a bit out of control and tookt eh advise of a behavourist. It works really well for both now. The threat of the naughty cot is usually sufficient, but I have had bad days where they have spent most of the day in there, but that is usually down to boredom when they really want to get out of the house. Obviously they can't apologise but we have a kiss and a cuddle then they go and play nicely.

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