This is so hard to say...

[rottenmummy]

I have two DDs aged 4 and 2. My eldest has always been "spirited" but I find it so hard to like her. That sounds so hard and horrible but I just find myself at my wits end with her all the time. I basically just find her annoying. I suppose she has the traits that most 4 yr olds have but I just can't seem to get my head around them. I feel like I have tried everything but now I find I just lose it and end up sending her to her room or far worse smacking her. She is miserable and moody, twisty and nasty to her little sister, awkward at mealtimes... I wish I could find a way of calming myself down. The latest is that she seems a bit hard of hearing. She has been to the hospital for a test which was fine. She is often full of cold and bunged up which I think affects her ears. I am taking her to the docs again tomorrow but I am sure she has selective hearing. Sorry for the terrible long ramble. I know I sound so heartless but I dread getting her from school for all the battles to commence again.

my "spirited" argumentative verbal daughter is also the most feisty, witty, entertaining, socially popular and academically best achieving (so far) of my children. Her teachers love her.

But we do have to treat her differently from the others, because she acts so differently. She's much more tantrummy, much tougher in many ways. The others are sensitive and wilt at a harsh word, dd2 will rise to the challenge of a fight

it has been suggested she's very like me, am proud of her. but she's not easy.

Thank you Blueshoes, you are right I do love her to bits (sorry, just wiping a tear away - a good cry always seems to help!).

rottenmummy {{{{{hugs}}}}}

rottenmummy, haven't had time to read the other posts so apologies if I'm repeating.

I have a 4yo dd and she can be rather annoying, challenging, driving me up the wall 24/7, wishing she came with an off button... I have turned from a rather reasonable person to this shouting mad mean mummy who I don't recognise!

I also have a 2yo ds who has now started pushing and hitting, partially due to the 'lovely' role model his sister is portraying...

Lately what I have started doing though is to totally ignore her when she gets one of her over the top moments (obviously not if she tries wandering off in the street in a mope of course) and also working on developing selective hearing... I only hear her if she speaks nicely, clearly etc. Same time I have to make sure she has actually eaten well because if she hasn't... it seems to worsen her behaviour exponentially!

And one more thing I did a couple of days ago was snuggle up with her after school when ds was still at nursery and asked her whether she enjoys her time with just mummy and NO little brother, which was answered with a resounding YES. Seems like she needed that acknowledged instead of just spending 'quality' time with her she needed to hear/be told that it's her time.

Wondering, has your dd started reception yet? My dd's behaviour got drastically worse once she started reception. Teacher reckons it's because they have to be 'nice' at school and feel at liberty to act up at home...

Not sure whether I'm making sense but at least you know you're not alone with your troubles

Thanks Mrs Bojangle. I feel so much more positive after reading all the posts. I'm picking DD1 up from school at 3.30 and will try really hard to look on things with a fresh eye.

Definitely with MrsBJ on the acting up at home. Mine were angels at school - but they feel safe and secure at home so that's when you see the loutish behaviour