5yr old again-help to 'decode' a message from teacher pls!

[kizzie]

Hi - saw Ds teacher today. She said he has been in trouble a couple of times this week (eg. didnt sit quietly in assembly one morning.) i asked her whether she thought he was/is improving but found it very difficult to get a straight answer out of her. (To be honest she is quite wishy washy. Everyone thinks the same.)

Although DS is doing v well with his reading and a lot of his school work she didnt really have anything positive to say and said that he does have 'a problem with attenion.'

I tried to get more information from her - she said he sometimes finds it difficult to sit still on the carpet and to concentrate but that it isnt consistent (ie. sometimes he is fine).
She said at the moment that although there is a problem she doesnt have any 'strong evidence' to ask for an assessment.

She also said he can be very emotional and stroppy if he doesnt get his own way (this is true).

I was v upset when I came away - just because it was so negative - but now I just feel up in the air. Do I need to do something - be worried.

Thanks for any thoughts. Im sorry im going on and on about this.
Kizziex

What is it with some of these reception teachers? Every year in every class there are boys (usually) who have heaps of energy, loads of ideas they want to share, and sometimes not quite as emotionally and socially mature as the 'average', and certainly as the 'average girl'.

The problem is not these children, the problem is what is being expected of them in formal education at this relatively young age.

Kizzie - your ds sounds gorgeous, full of life and character, and refusing to be repressed! He sounds in fact like my ds1 - who fortunately did not have to endure full-time schooling at this age, but still when he was just 5, his then teacher wrote a pretty damning report about his future prospects (at age 5 for goodness sake!). When I went into talk to her about it, she was even more blunt, predicting dire consequences ...

Two years on he has matured a lot emotionally and socially, is in a school setting that suits him down to the ground, and is - apparently - a model pupil at school. He is also doing extremely well with his school work.

When I read threads like this it brings it all back. I was in tears on mumsnet, had sleepless nights, cried talking to friends, and couldn't even bear to mention it to other friends (with perfect children). Now I just want to take a copy of his glowing school report and thrust it in the face of the silly old hag who caused us so much anguish, and ask her to justify herself.

Sorry - think I needed to get that off my chest! Rant over.

Do email Wedgiesmum - her ds1 is smashing too, and she knows what you're going through.

sounds like a very very tenuous link to ADHD, my friends eldest son has it quite badly along with soem other issues and he is really realyl difficult and cannot even sit still when doing somethign of his own choosing at home. Also his learnign failed badly due to behavious, so do not panic about your son, he sounds very bright, active and normal! Honestly we spend the first 4 yrs of our kids lives encouraging them to walk and talk, others spend the next 10 telling them to sit down and shut up, the world is a wrong diddly wrong place!
My son was dx'd as learning disabled in reception yr as he would not trace around dotted lines to write...
He could already write on his own and was interminably bored, and clashed with his teacher badly, when paired with a "good" teacher he excelled...
Keep in touch with the teacher and get some of his strengths pointed out to you, so that you can balance the positive in your own mind too.

Thanks for all your positive messages.
Actually I just feel really cross now that she has been so negative. Even even if he did/has a problem surely she should be looking to accentuate the positive and not just concentrate on the problems.

We took him and his brother to the circus yesterday and although he really started to fidget and move out of his seat in the 2nd half- DH took him out for 5 mins he came back in and was fine again. He'd also sat perfectly all the way through the first half. I'm sure if the teacher had been there she would have only mentioned the 'bad' bit and not the fact that he sat perfectly for 3/4 of it.

Kizziex

Hi Kizzie

Glad to see all the messages of support you've had on here.

I don't know how you feel about this, but I think it's important the teacher in question is made aware of the effect on you of her constant negativity. She may not even realise she's doing it, if the conversations have been spread over a period of time.

Parents can be hesitant about confronting teachers, but you have every right to do so. IMO it is a teachers duty to give parents a balanced view on their child's progress at school - clearly you aren't getting this.

My suggestion as to how to approach this is go through all conversations you have had with her and then say you would find it helpful to focus on some of the positives of your little boy's life at school (I am sure there are MANY - and every parent has a right to know about them!)

This might help clear the air - and restore some equilibrium.

If you have no joy, go to the Head, don't let your anger fester. Remember, it is not your problem if the class your little boy is in has an imbalance in the boy/girl ratio, and the teacher is finding things tough going as a result.

Thanks for that advice - think I might do that.

Ive just been reading with them both and my other little boy is a bit behind with his reading (quite a few others are on the same stage in the class but it certainly doesnt come easy to him) but his brother (the one who Ive been talking about) is a whole stage further on and just takes each new book in his stride. Very rarely he'll struggle the first time he sees a new word but then always gets it right after that.

Im sure if nothing else she could say something positive about that. A few of the mums who have helped in the class have said in passing that they think hes bright after theyve done some work with him yet all the teacher has ever said is 'I dont think he has an intelligence problem' - which isnt exactly positive.

Ho hum!
Kizziex

Since he seems so bright, it might be that he is bored by the pace of the class, and doesn't concentrate, because his mind is looking around for something else to do.

Hi everyone - just thought Id update as you all offered so much advice.
Did go into school to help and really glad I did.
Gave me a good insight into how my son is at school and also how the teacher copes generally.

Teacher first - a number of things happened (with other children) where I really did feel that she over reacted. At one point I was helping two little girls who were having difficulty with some numbers. They were struggling a bit but nothing that a couple of weeks wont sort out. Anyway when the teacher came round to check how they were getting on she sounded very world weary and said (exact words) 'They really havent got ANY idea have they.'

I obviously kept a close eye on my two boys. DS twin 2 played up a bit because I was there (very obvious attention seeking which his 2 closest friends joined in with) but exactly as Id expected and nothing major.

DS twin 1 (the one who the teacher has been v negative about) sat perfectly through register taking and assembly. Then during a carpet exercise he was sat on the edge and I noticed that he wasnt concentrating. Not actually doing anything disruptive just sort of looking around. Obviously I immediately panicked and though 'oh no she's right' but then looked round the room and realised that there were at least 5 other children doing exactly the same thing and one of them was humming loudly. Because there are 30 in the class I really do think that those at the back just dont feel involved.

Then they split into groups to do different work/activities but because of the split in the group my son actually just played all morning. Im not sure this should be happening but because it was the first time id been in I didnt want to make a fuss.

Anyway by 11.30 DS was bored of playing - came in and told me he didnt want to play anymore and then got a book and sat in the corner and read it.

Ive put my name down to go in again so that I can hopefully see how he works in a group.

Sorry this is so long but just thought Id let you know how I got on. (just about to send a note about fighting now....)
Kizziex

kizzie, only just read this thread and seen all the great advice you have got. As roisin ranted so eloquently, what is it with some of these reception teachers? I have been through this once with my oldest son - he's fine now and doing well at school and I'm sort of going through it again (different issues) with my youngest who started reception in January and won't be five till the end of august. So glad you had other helpers coming up to you to tell you how much your sons have improved in class. That's such a boost.

Thanks Tigermoth - its really reassuring to hear from others who have been through this stage and come out the other side! (I guess your won previous experience must give you some reassurance with your youngest.)
Hope it all sorts out at your end soon - August babies are just so young in reception.
Thanks again
Kizziex