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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Oh dear - I think my 7 year old DS is a geek......

49 replies

NormaSnorks · 29/10/2006 22:00

He is gorgeous, and I adore him of course, but I'm just worried that his personality is manisfesting itself as 'geeky' way too early, and I worry that it will affect him at school, in friendships, and perhaps his happiness, since children can be so cruel...

All sorts of things make me think this:

he is VERY tall/ lanky and unco-ordinated. He seems to have a natural tendency to sit like a frog with his knees up around his ears - even on chairs....
he just seems to have a massive brain and capability to remember things (can remember a poem word perfect after hearing it once )
is fascinated by facts and the ways things work. He will happily read for up to an hour in bed before he gets up at 6.30 - especially those encyclopedia type DK books etc
he is top of his class in every subject
Although he has been doing sports (football/ rugby) he is not very good, and seems so distant and uninvolved on the pitch - like he doesn't really see the point. At rugby last week I watched him standing, engrossed in the velcro part of his 'tag belt' examining the 'mechanics' of it, while the ball and the game passed him by!
He wears glasses
He doesn't seem to have any close friends despite being in the same class for 3 years. His teachers say he gets on well with everyone but no one in particular. He seems to be more friendly with girls than boys.

The boys in his class are now all getting into the sporty macho stuff, and to be honest I feel rather sad for him. I don't want to force him to be something he's not (impossible to do anyway) but I kind of want him to be more 'self aware' as to how he might appear to others, and why they might react to it?

How can I help him?

OP posts:

Lact8HisLiverWithANiceChianti · 29/10/2006 22:31

I am mother to a geek and tbh it does worry me sometimes. He too gets on with everyone but is best friends with an even bigger geek and I worry that he is isolating himself from the rest of the class sometimes.

But he has a fantastic personality and is really great company. He has very strong beliefs and I'm proud of him for not just following the herd and changing his views to fit in with the sporty, laddish boys in his class.

He goes to kickboxing which has given him the confidence to stand up to boys who were being a bit too rough in the playground.

He also goes to archery lessons which has upped his cool status since the Robin Hood series started.

I do find boys slightly alien though, the dynamics of their friendships are so different to how I remember my friendships at his age. I really struggle with the competitiveness amongst boys and I'm currently putting it down to a surge in testosterone

Original poster

NormaSnorks · 29/10/2006 22:36

Lact (your name is too long.............)
That's interesting about the kick-boxing. DS does TaeKwondo and really loves it - and I think it helped to give him a bit of Kudos when he had to give an demonstration at school last year

OP posts:

SoMuchToBats · 29/10/2006 22:41

Yes, lact8, I'm also proud of my boy for being his own person. I keep offering to get him things like Power rangers, if he wanted to be part of the "in-crowd", but he just says "Well, Mummy, that's just not my type of thing"

In a way I'm really pleased he is his own person, and doesn't follow the crowd, but in anotherway, I worry that he wil be left out or even bullied because of it.

wrinklytum · 29/10/2006 22:55

He sounds delightful! A true individual with an enquiring mind.If he is happy and confident within himself I wouldn't worry.How much more interesting to be an individual than follow the herd!Brains are very attractive,and last much longer than the ability to kick a football!

themoon666 · 29/10/2006 22:57

Well Normasnorks... I am you 8 years down the line. My DS is now 15 and a total geek. He is long and lanky with a massive Hendrix style afro hair (style is the wrong word).

His school report said he mixes with nobody in his year at all. Although the teacher said she understood this perfectly as he was on such a different wavelength than them. He does have friends in the sixth form though, plus a 50 year old friend of mine who is a radio am.

I did notice at sixth form preview evening, he did gets lots of little hugs from girls as we went around though.... even though he keeps telling me he doesn't have a girlfriend!

SoMuchToBats · 29/10/2006 23:02

Aaahhh!! I can imagine my ds being like this in the future. He spent his first half term of school hanging around with the dinner ladies - they all loved him, but I did wish he would make some friends his own age. He has a bit now, but is still a little bit different from most of them.

Having said that, he is a very caring boy, and always worried about other people's feelings.

themoon666 · 30/10/2006 00:15

Oh, and I reckon mine is now officially a geek after asking for a Matrix style full length leather coat for his christmas pressie!

gracej · 30/10/2006 13:52

NormaS, I think your son needs no help at all, rather, YOU need some help.
Help in accepting your son as he is.
If you do not accept him, he will feel it,he will know it, and THAT will affect him self confidence.
Goodness, just talk to a couple of psychologists and ask them what percentage of their clients have problems in adulthood because they didn't feel accepted by their parents.
If your son feels confidence in himself, this will be reflected, others will see it. And he'll be fine. You need to encourage him to be himself.

sleepycat · 30/10/2006 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sherbert37 · 30/10/2006 14:18

Article in the Sunday Times yesterday about children thinking sporty types are arrogant. The clever children who are friendly and help others with homework are the new 'in' kids, apparently. It is now officially cool to be clever.

schneebly · 30/10/2006 14:20

geeks are much more interesting anyway!

MadameMorticiaMills · 30/10/2006 14:38

DH went to school with the geekiest geek from Geeksville. They were best mates.

His passion was bird watching and maths and he always wore a jumper. His head was 3 times heavier than his body.

Now he is ultra, ultra successful, taught at Harvard, then went went back to his old college and teaches there today. He brought his first ever girlfriend home from the States one year, a stunning Hawain girl who was utterly devoted to him, he thought she was quite nice.

But he is still a geek. And he is one of the loveliest men I have ever met. From what I have heard about his school days, he was pretty much left alone, he wasn't unpopular, and enjoyed his schooldays.

Jaynerae · 30/10/2006 14:39

Normasnorks - your OP describes My DS to a T - he is also 7, wears glasses - totally uninterested in any physical and devours Encyclopedia's and can't understand why you should have to write down how you work out a maths problem if you can do it in your head and write down the answer! But his teacher loves him - she said he is so enthusiastic about everything they do in class that his motivates everyone else without even knowing it. He always has his hand up to answer a question, he talks not stop and can't wait to tell her things, he designs robots on paper in his spare time! But he is happy - he knows some of the other boys play football at breaktime - but he does not join in - he does his own thing - and I think he is wonderful. I think if they were academically crap and only interested in Football - we would be worrying about what they will do when they grow up! Just take each day as it comes, enjoy him and let him blossom in his own way! Taking my DS to Robotwars on Saturday!

venusinfurs · 30/10/2006 14:43

Norma
He sounds utterly adorable! My 7.5 year old is not as academically bright as that, but has a really amazing vocab and a retentive memory for a whole raft of obsessions. I swear he will be one of those men who goes to fan conferences or collects odd things. Seven year old boys rock, if I'm allowed to say that without sounding like a weirdo! But they are brilliant, aren;t they!
I really wouldn't worry - he sounds like a lovely boy.

Original poster

NormaSnorks · 30/10/2006 16:08

gracej - crikey - having a bad day are we??

I never said anything about not accepting my son, I think my original post shrieks out loud that I adore him and am very proud of him. I wasn't talking about trying to change him in any way - I accept who he is and love him for it.
All that I was asking was some advice about how I can help him get through this phase where I think he is now realising that he may be different (and help him understand how different can = good) than a majority of the other boys in his class.

JayneRae - yup- sound VERY similar! RobotWars - now where is that? DS would LOVE that... (he already sends in photos of his Lego models to the Lego gallery!)

OP posts:

MotherBeaker · 30/10/2006 16:15

Hi Norma,
Being a geek myself I can understand that you are worried about your ds not having many friends or being teased by other kids - because unfortunately kids and be a bit cruel and that will happen. However your ds seems so talented and it is kids like this that go on to be pioneers in all sorts of fields e.g. Bill Gates. IMHO there is no need to worry.

Original poster

NormaSnorks · 30/10/2006 16:19

MB - thanks - I shouldn't really be surprised I guess, since I think both DH and I are rather geeky, if the truth be told...

I spent a lot of time as a teenager listening to Radio4 because I liked the current affairs programmes - OK I then went on to do a Politics degree, so it all paid off!

OP posts:

Greengirlforever · 30/10/2006 16:25

Hi Norma

I have a wonderful 13yr old geek DS1! He has always been a geek since a very young age, and proud of it (altho no glasses but now 6 ft with size 11 feet). He laughs in the face of sporting endeavours and plays all the usual Runescape suspect type games. He is also now really into his guitar. Like all true geeks he is really not that bothered about what others think and follows his own path, but actually has plenty of friends (mostly geeks...). The girls at his school adore him and follow him around, although typical for a geek I think he is a little behind in that department and not interested yet. He is as happy now as he was when he was 7. Would that all teenage boys were like him!

My DS2 looks like he's going to be a jock... pity, but he's just as adorable in his own way .

Enjoy your boy !

Original poster

NormaSnorks · 30/10/2006 16:27

Oh GreenGirl - you've just reminded me - I had the most gorgeous geek boyfriend when I was about 16 - he played the guitar and sing, and used to make me feel all mushy!

OP posts:

Greengirlforever · 30/10/2006 16:29

My type of man !

redsky · 30/10/2006 16:33

Geeks are great!! My 19yo son was truly geeky from the age of 5. So far he has been a truly delightful teenager in that he is 'interested' in a whole range of weird subjects, and because of that he is sooo easy to buy presents for too. He started studying Russian as a hobby at age 16 (weird eh) and is now studying that at Nottingham Uni! I am so so proud of him and love his eccentricity, and admire the way he doesn't follow the crowd.
As he has got older he has got on better and better with his peers - in his last year of school he was elected head of his house.

binker · 30/10/2006 16:34

Your ds sounds a little like my ds,now 9, he is bright and absorbs stuff,great memory,very imaginative and creative - not tall,and very cute to look at- he is not at all sporty and is quite uncoordinated but is now discovering the joys of swimming...he tends to play on his own and has no special friends but seems to be accepted by his classmates (ie. he isn't shunned or left out,he chooses his own company) ...I worry, but also feel proud that he is his own person and doesn't run along with the crowds.

IdrisTheDragon · 30/10/2006 16:38

I rather hope that DS (3 next month) will be a bit of a geek. Not sure whether I should be or at that.

binker · 31/10/2006 08:26

All these responses have been great to read and comforting for when I fret about my ds (I posted a similar thread a few weeks ago) ...everyone has been really positive and that's lovely. I just have a big fear of bullying and couldn't bear to think of my ds being lonely and left out of games, but that doesn't seem to be the case - he relishes his own company it seems and has so much going on in his head that he needs every spare minute to explore it ! I will still encourage joining in and ask this other boy he gets on well with to tea from time to time and see his old friends in London whenever we can.
(we moved 16 months ago).
He is going through a phase of worrying about everything now, his behaviour and thoughts and questioning whether he is doing the right thing (ie. he thought a boy he saw in the street looked like a leopard but may have had a skin problem and was that ok to think that ...all written on bits of paper and left for me to read with a space for my comments). He has also confessed to liking Billie Piper and was worried about that !!
Anyway,NormaSnorks - you sound as though you have a lovely boy- enjoy !

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