How do babies get out mummy's tummies?

[abigail12]

So my son 4.5yrs has started asking a lot of questions recently from "when will I die?" to "how do babies get out mummy's tummies?" Ive always been very honest with my children but I'd don't want to upset or frighten them. He was crying last week saying he didn't want to leave me and go to heaven. I think I've maybe been a bit too honest too early... As for where do babies come from ive told him God puts them in mummy's tummy and Dr helps get it out but he's not excepting this anymore. I had to tell him it comes out mummy's girl bottom. He's still full of questions though. How much is appropriate to tell him?

Yes manic3mum, my mum never told me ANYTHING. I found out everything in the playground. She was even horrified that told my kids that babies grow in mums tummies!

The question came up when ds was 5 and dd was 3.5. I just showed them a calm water birth with a good view of what was happening.

I did this because I'd just walked in on them watching by accident, a US birthing programme with lots of screaming, blood and detailed CSs and they were expecting a sibling shortly.

Ooh that's a good explanation of death ginandsonic, I suppose the heaven thing is confusing, easier to explain what death is, rather than where you go.

I think it's quite important to name a child's body parts. If there is something wrong with their private parts they need to be able to explain it to you and a doctor. 'Bottom' as a catch all term is confusing.

You don't need to explain about sex 'mummy has an egg, daddy has a seed, when they want a baby they combine them' covers it.

DS1 is six and is currently doing animal classifications in year 1 - e.g. reptiles lay eggs, mammals give birth to young. I think it is important to give them the basics from the start so you don't confuse or embarrass them.

abigail12, you're welcome.
Death is such a hard concept to explain. I actually think it might be a bit easier for people who believe in heaven as at least it's not such a finality.
My DD worries about dying too. I am honest that it's not only really sick or really old people who die. She constantly wants to know what heaven is like. I tell her that I don't know as I've never been and usually turn it into a game (cop out) of "if heaven could be anything you want it to be what would you choose" and we get on to talk of Disneyland, a big library for me and bingo for great grandma..... Then she goes off to play whilst I am left pondering the afterlife

I don't think there's much wrong with talking about gods influence and a heaven. Most people insist to their children the reality of Father Christmas and a tooth fairy after all. They will grow out of the god/Santa/fairy stuff soon enough.

As for death, that's a harder one as it's hard to answer - I don't want to die. You won't die for a very long time is maybe a good answer.

Yikes - if the op believes in God and heaven then it's actually more immoral (in her eyes) not to teach them about it. It's what those of us who have baptised our children make solemn promised to do, after all. This thread has shown the tolerance of mn at its best

Thanks for the question, op, I was totally horrified when my 2yo asked yesterday how her sibling was going to come out and was absolutely not sold by "I'll go to the hospital and you will go to granny's and the midwives will help it get out".

"Oh. How will they do that???!"

Um....

(Ironically, given the way this thread's gone, my answer was "Would you eat up? We'll be late for church!")

A good response is "what do you think happens?"
Sometimes the child isn't really asking the question you think they're asking and their response helps you to find a suitable starting point.

Personally I think it's important to be factual as it can have implications for child protection and health. Equally though, it's important to put the mechanics into an age appropriate emotional context so the child understands how that impacts on them.

Abigail yes, we talk about what is is and what it means to those still alive. So after the body stops working it is not that person hamster any more, everything that made them that person hamster has gone. They are then buried in the ground or their body is burned. You wont see the dead person hamster any more and its ok to be sad and miss them, but its nicer to remember all the nice times together etc.
As for what happens after death for the person hamster involved, they asked a little. I explained that their body would decay or be burned which would let the building blocks that made the body go back into the world and make new things.
We didnt talk about heaven as im an atheist and they have no concept of heaven at this point, and i wont introduce them to it. When it comes up i will frame it as a concept- wanting loved ones to be safe and happy, remembering the good times together, knowing their building blocks go on in other things, the idea of heaven being an idea that links those things together.
You of course should teach whatever beliefs you hold, but i think the practical bits need to come first.

Just tell them the truth in an age-appropriate way - the biological truth. I always discuss God with DS in a 'some people believe' way, in a similar way to telling him about Norse, Roman and Greek mythologies. But I certainly wouldn't get God mixed up with reproduction - that is going to take a lot of untangling later on!

He can't "ask what it's called" because he believes you've already told him, you've just told him wrong.

I don't like this description either:
"How about the truth? Daddy puts the seed in mummy's tummy"
and actually prefer the "bit of mummy and bit of daddy" approach as it's more "true", and does provide more of a link to both parents.

But like with everyone, the truth... Or a Stork, Stork's are good too, I'd like to see some Storks living in England.

Ah, fredfred I'd forgotten about the stork story or being found under a cabbage plant

" Ive always been very honest with my children"
" ive told him God puts them in mummy's tummy"

LOL

This reminds me of my kids cousin who at the age of 9 thought you got a baby 'by praying'. The funny thing was, he had actually seen his parents having sex and thought it was just for fun. When my kids joined up the dots for him his mother went mad and threatened to beat them with her slipper. LOL.

OP just tell them the score.

It's fine to use religious beliefs to frame the concepts if that's your belief. However, you still need to be factual. Saying that god puts the bit of daddy inside mummy is just incorrect. Daddy puts the seed inside mummy, no need to say how! My DS doesn't know about penetration because he never asked. However he knows that men put seeds inside women and when they meet an egg it grows into a baby.

Why "Seed" and not "sperm" ? It's nothing like a seed, a seed contains everything required to grow a plant, a 4 year old should know that.

DS is 6. In answer to his questions I've told him that to make a baby there was sperm from Dad and an egg from Mum. Then the baby grew in Mum's tummy.

From a religous pov, he said he thought his spirit was with God for a little while before he came down into mum's tummy. He's also said that before his spirit went to God, he was a big man and had children of his own but then he died, and his spirit went to God for a little while. I'm not sure how that reincarnation sub-plot is going down in his RC school

I suppose fredfred because a seed is a word and a 'growing' concept that most 4 year olds will be familiar with. If i said 'sperm' to my 4yo he'd think of a whale and not male ejaculation as it's something he has not yet experienced. I'd actually probably say there were 2 'seeds' and that the man's seed is called the sperm and the woman's is an egg.

Use the word sperm. If we are using all the proper words, seeds is no more correct than bottom.

My mum told me about 'daddy putting a seed in mummy' and it just confused the hell out of me - I thought it was something she ate!

And Mummy laid an egg confused the hell out of DS, after all the different theories that were made up in there he didn't believe the true one at the end either!

I told DS about death at age 3 when he saw a dead badger in the road and managed to traumatise him for a good while! I found counting up to how old he was and then counting up to have old grandad was - so he could see how long people lived - helped.

I don't think calling the whole area a 'bottom' is a very good idea OP, don't you even use the word willy? On where babies come out I'd say - Men have 2 holes, one for weeing and one for pooing and ladies have three holes, for weeing, pooing and another one a baby can come out of.

I guess you didn't read the final sentence 🙄

This is such an old thread my ds is now nearly 15 and apparently un traumatised by my explanation when he was 4.

Gosh what an old thread! I think this was the very first usename I had on Mumsnet! I change my name every few months but this one was a really nice one.