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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What can your 3.5 yr old do? counting, writing name etc

100 replies

LoveMyGirls · 17/10/2006 11:22

im currently looking after a 3.5yr old, he is not in nursery so i want to do the best i possibly can for him, what kind of things should i expect him to be able to do by the time he goes to school next september?

so far he can

write his name (roughly, need more practice)
count to 10 on his own most of the time
count to 20 with help
very good at art, enjoys being creative, can draw a man with some prompting
once hes heard a story he can "read" it himself (make it up as he goes along with a rough storyline iyswim)

tia

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PeachyBobbingParty · 19/10/2006 16:39

Erm, no. Coz some kids can't pick up things they've been taught so quickly.
It's not a sign of intelligence either mind you, but some kids pick up certain things faster than others. To say oh your kid can't do X coz you haven't taught it? no.

rosie79 · 19/10/2006 17:18

Hotandbothered couldn't have said it better myself! I'm a teacher too... Teaching confidence and independance is much more important than writing one's own name etc. But then what would these parents have to brag about?

GoingQuietlyMad you're quite right too! At this age (3 onwards) children's minds are like sponges, so they absorb what they are tought etc. No child would be able to write their name at this age unless they have been shown how to, nor would they be able to count or know numbers or even speak a language! No one is surprised or thinks it is a sign of genius if a three year old speaks their mother tongue do they? Of course they are capable of learning loads of other things if they are exposed to them, very few of the things people have mentioned on this thread are a sign of being advanced or highly intelligent, they are just a reflection of what the parent has exposed the child to.

So to any parent feeling inadequate or depressed or worried their child is slow or not developining compared with the posts here don't be! It doesn't matter, it's not a reflection on how they will do in school or later life, and most importantly, isn't important anyway! The most important thing is that they are secure and happy children. Concentrate on that.

hotandbothered · 19/10/2006 17:44

I've noticed one of the mums in my particular group is doing a lot of teaching her little boy. She works 5 days, has a baby, teaches 2 evening classes and is very driven. I don't know where she finds the time... However I have noticed that her child is the one who struggles to share toys, is very disobedient, needs help going to the loo (he's 3.5),etc. He also permanently seems anxious. IMO I think he'd benefit hugely from some time just being a little boy, getting dirty, running around, playing with friends, being cuddled etc rather than the expectations of academic brilliance.

comebacksummer · 19/10/2006 17:57

that is so true rosie79- I know that if I fancied getting my dd1 to show off by teaching her to count to twenty in japanese I could- but what would be the bloody point? Do we want bright, interesting (and interested) individuals who explore life for themselves or trained seals??
(of course, she can count to fifty in swahili and do long division but that's just because I got bored with lego one day ha ha ha)

rosie79 · 19/10/2006 18:11

lol so true comebacksummer!

It's sad about that little boy hotandbothered. I know many people find it hard (or boring) to just 'play' with their children though.

GoingQuietlyMad · 19/10/2006 18:21

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to belittle those who do have these skills. I think it is wonderful that the children know so much, and I am sure that they are very intelligent. It clearly is advanced for their age.

I'm just saying that how could they write their name, for example, if you haven't made a concerted effort to teach them? There is no reason to feel depressed and that they are backward if you haven't spent time doing it.

I have many friends/relatives who are primary school teachers, and they have always stressed to me how important skills like learning to sit down and concentrate, being with other children, listening to others etc etc are more important than more academic tasks which will be quickly learnt if the right basis is there.

noonar · 19/10/2006 18:31

i am a teacher and a mum of 2. i find it really unhelpful to make comparisons with peers. dd 1 has just started school. i've done naff all with her in terms of schooly- stuff. we just read, draw etc etc. she's a bright girl, she'll read and write when she's ready.

surely, the only reason one might need to make comparisions is if you had serious concerns about your child's development.

why do we need to list our children's achievements? i don't get it. it's not a competition.

PeachyBobbingParty · 19/10/2006 19:33

I do understand what you're saying hotandbothereed, it's just something we get thrown at us a lot with DS3 (who is delayed, V happy though)- he doesn't chat and people ask if we talk to him. Um, yes. A lot.

it's one of those thngs that sadly can cause a backlash.

fubsy · 19/10/2006 19:50

Peachy, isnt it funny that some people think its their business to ask you if youve tried talking to him? Like you might have just forgotten to. I feel for some of "my" mums who have people asking them why their child is in a buggy still, and why are they making their child lazy. Apart from the distress it causes, why do they think theyve got the right?

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 19/10/2006 20:06

expat. i'm afraid i must take issue with you on the left handed / slow to write thing

my dp is lh and certainly could be described as "slow to write"

in fact, it takes him so long he had to word process his phd.

Oh btw, Fillyboy's hopping skills are second to none so ner ner ner.

flowertot · 19/10/2006 20:15

God is this post for real???
Do people really want to compare 3.5 year olds? Let them eat sand and play I say

candide · 19/10/2006 23:25

I don't think theres a problem making comparisons between children at this age. Its just interesting to know what they can do. I imagine that many/ most MNrs are sensible enough to realise that children are different and that any comparisons should take account of invdividual circumstances.

I have found it really helpful knowing the range of things that kids can do at different ages to guide me in what toys Ive bought/ things I've done with them. Sometimes I've discovered a whole new set of activities that I thought were "too old" for them.

I would dispute the fact that children can only do certain things at certain ages because they've been taught them. They've also got to have the ability/ aptitude to learn those things - e.g. DS & his friend have both been shown how to write their name but DS can't do it half as well as his friend can. Similarly DS can "read" (i.e. recognise in context) many more words than his friend.

rosie79 · 20/10/2006 07:54

Filly-Actually there is no relationship between left-handedness and being slow to write etc. Yes many left handers are slow to write, so are many right-handers, and many left-handers are not slow to write. There is no corelation between the two, it is just a coincidence really. Your DH's difficulty in writing is not a direct result of being left-handed, there are many more factors that could be responsible. (My mum's an Ed. Psych, I asked her)

A left-hander isn't automatically going to be slower at learning to write or draw than a right-hander. The only difficulty they might have is seeing what they have written, so left-handers will often hold a pencil differently or turn the page round to write down the page enabling them to see what they have written.

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 20/10/2006 07:57

I know, rosie, that was totally tongue in cheek. sorry if I didn't pull it off.

actually I don't think dh is especially slow to write, though he has problems if he uses ink.

OTOH he does calligraphy so its not that much of a problem, clearly.

throckenholt · 20/10/2006 08:21

my left handed twin is slower to write his nam ethan his right handed brother - but that is because we were mean enough to give him a name that is harder to write - something we did not consider when we were picking names.

rosie79 · 20/10/2006 08:36

Oops, sorry filly!

......must remember not to take everyone's posts seriously.....

lesley1417 · 21/10/2006 22:57

hi my dd is 3.8.she speaks fluently in her native scottish tongue and can say BLOODY .she even gets it in the correct context
eg
bloody shoes
bloody dog
bloody rain etc
IM SO PROUD!!!

anniebear · 22/10/2006 10:39

Haven't read all of this but hauntymandy, I agree

I am not keen on these posts. Not saying there is anything wrong with them before some one shouts at me lol

It just makes the parents of the children that are probably about average feel so awful when they see that other 3 year olds can read 20 words and count to 1000!!!!! lol
I wouldn't worry about teaching your child too much beofore schol

Obviously there are basic skills that school does like them to have.

My Girls started school full time in reception the day after their 4th Birthday. They went to toddler groups, played with friends. And had a great time. Then they got taught their work at school

anniebear · 22/10/2006 10:43

and jajas At the age of 3 I would rather mine be very good at collecting conkers, leaves and feathers!

Especially conkers, I was great at that myself

anniebear · 22/10/2006 10:47

Graet post rosie79

fartmeistergeneral · 22/10/2006 11:02

my near 8 yr old ds can hardly tell time

my 5 1/2 yr old cannot do much adding or taking away

he can only write his name

they speak no italian or spanish

i am quite certain that ds1 in particular is one of the more intelligent in his class (too early to tell with ds2)

find it hard to believe that 2 and 3 yr olds can understand concept of time and addition/subtraction

sorry

am far more impressed with conker collecting

rustycreakingdoorbear · 22/10/2006 11:45

I remember a teacher at DS/DH's infant school telling me that some children would 'get' telling the time at 4, but others wouldn't until they were about 8 and this had nothing to do with their intelligence or how they were taught, it was just something in their makeup. It was certainly true of my two - DS was telling the time before he went to schoo, DD didn't get it till well into junior school, despite having exactly the same teachers. (judging by their progress since I'd say they were almost exactly the same intelligence)

rustycreakingdoorbear · 22/10/2006 11:46

DS/DD's infant school

Mirage · 22/10/2006 21:45

I couldn't tell the time until I was about 9.I just didn't get it.But,by that age,I had already read all the set books in the school & was able to choose my own books from the library,so I definately wasn't unintelligent.I just couldn't understand clocks ect.

fartmeistergeneral · 23/10/2006 10:00

mirage, you sound like my ds1. He's not yet 8 but has read all the Lemony Snicket books, first 4 of Harry Potter and about a million other books. He's good at maths etc, but cannot tell the time! Mind you if I sat with him in a dedicated way during the half term hols and taught him he might be able to.

Nah, can't be bothered.

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