Need thoughts re dealing with my 4 yr old ds hitting people!

[Sunnysideup]

I think the testosterone surge that I have heard about on MN has hit in our house - ds is four and started in reception in September.

He has occasionally thumped me and his dad recently when he's been thwarted and feels cross, which we have said a firm 'no' to, and he doesn't repeat it - until another day! Final straw today, my mum reported that he'd got cross with her today and repeatedly thumped her! She eventually walked off but he followed her to thump her some more!

I know this is outrageous and I know I have to deal with it but just wondered what others do - I have used time out with him in the past, when he was younger, but haven't had to for ages; I think I will use this for hitting, but do you think hit warrants STRAIGHT in time out, or do I give him a warning?

I need to be clear what I'm doing so I can ask my mum to do the same when she has him.

He's such a delight in all other ways, I hate that he does this and want to knock it on the head asap.

i'm very interested as i have a 3.5yr old mindee that is doing the same at the moment and ihave been giving him time out (on the floor in the same room as i can't shut him away) but it's having little effect tbh, i'm giving him stickers for every 3 hours he is good and doesnt hit out and straight to time out when he lashes out.

his mum has said no pudding after dinner, bed when he egts home and he's not allowed his teddy until he stops it.

Anymore ideas? as nothing is working so far, its been a week now.

I'm no expert, just the mum of an otherwise angelic 2 yr old who has discovered that biting people at nursery makes them let go of a toy that you want...aarghh! But LoveMyGirls, the one thing I would say is that to include food in a battle over behaviour is a dodgy move. ds is quite a picky eater and maybe I'm over sensitive to this point, but to threaten to take away his pud sets down the idea that food can be used to manipulate, and imho food should be enjoyed, shared and allowed to do its nourishing best for the child. ...but as I say, maybe my reaction is only this way as I know if I took away pud my ds would say 'yippee, don't have to eat any more, in fact I will just have more toast later'. !!

Also wondered, reading about this little boy, is anyone looking at the underlying reason why he is hitting instead of just addressing the actual behaviour when it happens?

Reassured to read this thread - our DS 3.4 is great a really social and very verbose child who when he gets completely frustrated because someone is not doing what he wants will bite. we have tried all sorts and my DH says he needs "a clip round the ear" - i don't agree and now i have a DH who says he feels powerless because i won't let him hit our son! what do i do next?
tried 'naughty stair' - he won't stay on it
tried 'time out in bedroom' - just trashes his room
only thing that really works is ignoring him and making a fuss of the victim which works if its a friend of his but not if its me or DH.

AliP, we go for the stern voice, scary face, eye contact "NO BITING" and then removing him from the fun thing he was doing and sit him by himself. Sort of time out/thinking time, but very short as his attention span is still v short. A minute or so, any longer and he's forgotten or is up and wandering. Has to be within the time in which he is still aware of why he's been taken out of the fun. Then we go back to him and remind him (more gently but still with serious face) why he's been asked to sit and think, and ask him to come and say sorry. It´s taken some time, but he doesn't do it at home any more, or to any of his friends at home. Only at nursery but that's another story and due to the fact that they are not consistent in their approach in dealing with it I think.

In my opinion you are right not to let your dh hit him, this just gives the message that if you are cross with someone it's ok to lash out, and if you're trying to stop him biting in the first place that can be a very confusing message. Just my opinion.

Most of the children you're talking about are a bit older. Any suggestions for a nearly two-year-old who pinches other children to get what she wants?

can't think of what would work with a 2 yr old, but i think personally i would use time out and not let them have the toy they wanted so they learn pinching does not get you what you want.

My mindee got through his first day in over a week yesterday not hitting or kicking my dd1, i gave him lots of praise throughout the day and told him how proud me and his mummy are and that if he carried on being very good he would get pudding and get to say up a bit later when he got home instead of going stright to bed, i think he was so fed up of being punished be thought he'd do what he wanted anyway but yesterday i took the approach of giving him incentives, i had been doing the stickers and praise already but his mum had insisted on putting him to bed early everynight for a week despite his day to day behaviour so i think when he realised that was no longer the case he wanted to be good, fingers crossed it carries on today.

btw i agree with not using food as punishment but i am his childminder not his mum so its not up to me, i just follow what her wishes are and give my advice.