Am I too over protective?

[bateybat]

DS was ill today so DH just went to ds's parent evening.

DS is 5 and has a speech delay and is very shy in school.At home he chats away and is a very confident litle boy .

DH comes home and tells me the teacher is very pleased with him and he is a bright little boy,a good listener and his work in school is way ahead of some others in the class,no problems with his understanding.

DH then tells me on the negative side he stays by the teachers side in the playground and does not join in with the other children.He has friends at school who try and incourage him to play but he stays by the teachers side.
DH then says it's because I am to over protective of him and don't allow him the freedom to explore.
We live in a cul de sac and he does play out with other children with me out there with him but I don't let him play out on his own.Some of the other children who are his age and younger play out ,out of their mothers view and I just feel uneasy about this.

He is a sensitive litle boy,not clingy in other situations and I wonder if he grasps the sense of danger as the others just ride their bikes on the road and run around I want to be sure he realises the dangers.

DH really upset me with his agressive shouting and accused me of making him like this at school because I don't allow him the freedom the other children have.
I know I am over protective and I am quite an anxious person.
Both my parents died a few years back and I did'nt get to say goodbye to ethier of them and my insercurities may well stem from that.

DH has just made me feel like the worst mother ever and in such an angry manner like he hates me for making ds like this .

Am I putting my anxietys on to my son?

we were thinking along similar lines HMC

batey I think your dh is being a bit of a berk. Some dads are very keen that their boys are rough-and-tumble, football mad, slap-thighs-and-wrestle sort of boys. They want their sons to have stereotypically male cha\racteristics. They don't like it if their little boy has a lot of female friends. I think this might have more to do with your dh's fears and insecurities rather than any shortcomings of your own, especially if he was a shy kid.

I think you should go to the parents evenings if this is his reaction. I don't think this is about you.

Floatinghead-Thanks for your reply
Your dd sounds like my ds and also my dd who is also 3.It seems to me people view a shy child as something negative and are always looking for a reason behind it.Surely they are just shy and that is part of their genetic make up.Both me and my dh were shy children and it was never questioned then,I am 40 now and dh is 45 maybe just a sign of the times we live in now.
I would'nt worry too much about your dd as everyone develops at different times and ds is very confident in most situations now.

sunysideup-handlemecarefuly-some great advice.
I have writen letters to DH before when the same situation has arose in the past and he has taken it on board for a while and then gone back to this negative way of thinking again.
Not sure I would want to show him this post as he thinks I don't post on mumsnet just read the threads.I don't think he would approve of me discussing these things with other people.

pointyfang-I think DH was brought up to believe boys do certain things and girls another.
I did say to him last night maybe he resents the fact that I do most of the parenting and ds got such a good report at school and I deal with most of the meeting with his SALT and I wondered if he was a litle jealous that he does'nt have more of a hand in this.
I have also been instumental in getting the school to deal with ds's special needs in school as it was not being addressed.His reply"well bully for you"