How many 3yr 4mth olds do you know not potty trained please?

[GoofyIsACow]

Twins if that makes a difference.

Just trying to work out how unusual this is!

Thanks in advance

DD was 3y6m and then fully dry day and night in a week

None

The mumsnet norm seems to be different to my rl norm on this - everyone I've met in playgroups and nursery etc potty trained at 2-2.5.

DTs were trained at 3 but there are lots at their twins club who trained later, most where done by 3.6 and the boys were the later ones.

Oh and try are nowhere near being dry at night yet.

My ds was not trained at 3.4 and I thought then he would never get it. All mostly done and dusted day and night by 3.5. What did I know

That was a month ago, he still has the odd accident, but he did struggle to get the hang of it, so has done really well.

DS is 3y4mo and sort of trained. He has been out of nappies since june, but we have 3-4 accidents a day. Better at catching poos in the potty. DS has no real interest and always denies needing a wee. We have to forcibly put him on the potty every hour or so or there are accidents. He won't use the toilet yet. I have been concerned but the advice i've had is that my forcing it and gettting cross was making it worse...think that was right. We have tried sticker charts etc with no improvement. I am not too worried though as i suspect we will gradually get there...good luck!!!!

Some kids just aren't ready until they are older, but some kids also have medical issues making it harder and some will always need a couple of weeks of wet pants to get there.

So I don't know what comments people have made and if they were mean stuff 'em, but if you think the 'just keep waiting' approach is possibly not working for you there is lots to consider.

DD had a fairly typical toilet training. I put her in the garden with no knickers on in the summer when she was two, and within a fortnight she was out of daytime nappies. A couple of months later, she was dry at night.

DS started weeing in a potty if naked just after turned two. As soon as I introduced pants, he lost all control and weed in them. It took another year and a bit for him to wee in a toilet, and for a year after that he would only poo in a nappy, although he was dry at night. At this point he seemed toilet trained to most people as he would save his poos for home, so wore pants to full days at nursery etc. I gave him lots of unpressured opportunities to use the loo, and to become more independent, and would sometimes ask him when he thought he would be ready to do without nappies. He always said that he would be able to start school without nappies. On his last day at preschool I asked if he needed nappies any more, and he said no, and was fully independent from then on.

DD is 3.5 and not potty trained. We thought she was nearly ready - she was telling us she needed a poo, but refusing to sit on the loo or potty - but then dd2 arrived and we went back to square one. She's just not ready, and I know that forcing it will just make her upset as she tries so hard to please. She'll get there.

I have known three. They were all from one family and they didn't bother to train them. Mother was obsessed with not dealing with 'unhygienic' accidents/wet clothes. Their nursery did it in the end.

I agree on this topic MN seems a different world than the one I live in. The idea of 'readiness' comes from disposable nappy manufacturers who wish to maintain sales. Some HVs seems to have fallen for it too.

Tiger but that is a load of bollocks.

I knew someone would be on to make a quip about laziness.

Any links to support that view?

Our DS is nearly 3.1y and still in nappies. Most of the time he has no interest in the potty/ toilet although he had used the potty a handful of times at his request and always at the most awkward moments!

I'm hoping he'll be like some of those upthread when he does want to do it, quick to learn!

I was going to write another post but

Tiger but that is a load of bollocks.

^^ yep that pretty much covers it

None
Daughter 2y1m in a week
Son 2yr4m took a month to be 100%

Girls I know are all just over 2
Boys average is 2.5 all by 2y10m

No idea about twins sorry

What do you mean by 'ready to do it themselves' though Goofy. Some children will do it themselves, but most need a degree of hard work from you.

Sorry if I am reading too much into your phrasing.

I think the hard work is only needed if they aren't quite ready. Sometimes they are very nearly ready, in which case the hard work leads to good results. Sometimes they aren't nearly ready, in which case the hard work leads to months of soiled clothes and/or bladder problems and constipation. "Ready to do it themselves" means just that, but if you expect it before three, quite a few children won't be there yet.

All I meant by hard work is that even a ready child needs the parent to invest some time concentrating on potty training, probably not going very far, reminding them to visit the toilet at regular intervals, often (because there are more interesting things to do than sit on the toilet) encouraging them to sit on the toilet or potty long enough to poo. It may well be that if the child is ready that's only a few days, but it's still a process of the parent guiding the child through learning and not the child 'doing it themselves'.

That's all I meant, and as I say I might be reading too much into the phrasing. In answer to the OP, I know one child of that age not trained because he genuinely isn't ready. I also know a child whose mother declares she 'isn't ready' because periodically she puts her in knickers, goes about her normal day and declares it a failure when the child wets herself. She genuinely thinks that when her daughter is 'ready' there will be no process at all and no input required from her. Maybe the child isn't ready, but I don't think the mother can know based on that experiment. Maybe that RL experience is making me read too much into 'themselves'.

I thought exactly the same. I trained my DS at 2.6 and he had about 20 accidents over two days. Since then maybe 5 over the next year. Poos took about two weeks - he used to hang on till his night pull up went on.

Even though he was 'ready' it wasn't instant. I didn't know if he was ready before I tried btw, there weren't lots of signs. I just thought it was time to try!

I tried maybe 5 times with DS before the final one.

Weeping saying he was "scared" of the potty etc. didn't want to push him in case it turned into a "thing"

Would just wee and poo like he had no idea it was coming.

My general approach to toilet training is similar to starting solids - I give them plenty of opportunities to do it (access to suitable food at mealtimes/ nappy-free time, access to a potty, regular chances to try out a potty, toilet or pants, talking about how it all works etc) but wait for them to start taking advantage of the opportunity.

I did try with DS before he was ready and I cracked after 15 days of no poo.

Oh yes I know lots of times it becomes clear the child isn't ready and to wait. What I'm trying to say (a few glasses of wine in!) is that there isn't a magic sign that they are ready. You have to try, really, and either succeed or wait to try again.

Yes, I didn't leave my son until 3.5 with no opportunities to learn, like pp I 'tried' a few times over the course of a year or so.

Early tries very rapidly descended into screaming, upset, fear, hitting and pleading, within the first couple of days. Trying very hard to do it, but wetting indiscriminately, and getting extremely distressed by it. Couldn't manage his clothes at all.

When he was finally ready, yes it still took 'work' to iron out a few difficulties (still does..) and reminders etc, but he could do it. A few tears and anxieties and mishaps, but actually making progress and gaining confidence. Can now handle the undressing and dressing side of things.

I did nothing differently each time, and nothing different to what is suggested on countless potty training threads.

Why would this be different to any other phase of a child's development? They don't all do things at the same time. You wouldn't say a child with any other development issue had lazy parents. They go at their own pace, as is right.

DS2 was 3.4 when we mastered it in August. We spent a few weeks with the potty wherever he was & started off by sitting him on it & praise for just sitting, then went round with nothing on bottom, then finally pants. He is now completely dry, has had maybe 5 accidents since he was trained & will take himself off to toilet at home (but needs somebody with him elsewhere). Not quite there at night despite a good start, but there's no hurry.

DS1 went through the same process but was dry day & night by 2.8. They all do it when they are ready.

The problem is Soot - that although I absolutely do believe that some children aren't physically ready until they are older - that this idea that seems to be developing that if you leave your child in nappies long enough your child will 'train themselves' and be instantly clean/dry is absolute rubbish. But unfortunately, some parents seem to be misunderstanding and thinking that that is the case.

I've certainly seen it on MN before that even if your child is older when they are physically capable, get the idea and are keen it might still take a few weeks to be totally sorted - the response of well I'd rather keep my child in nappies for those few weeks

Which just isn't how it works and I feel like I have to point it out in case there are lurkers who have also misunderstood the some children are ready later idea.