Ds, nearly 4, still wont poo without a nappy.

[bunny2]

He is fine weeing in the toilet and has been for ages but he cries for a nappy when he needs to poo. I have suggested he use the toilet or a potty but I havent been more forceful than that as I dont want to make a big thing of it. But, he is 4 next month and I really would like to ditch the nappies soon. Yesterday I took him to a toy shop and he chose a toy, we bought it and I put it away explaining he could have it after his first poo in the toilet/potty. He was very keen and he did try but just cant do it for some reason. Any ideas?

A neighbour's 4 yr old liitle girl would only poo in a nappy specially presented for the occasion until she happened to witness my 3 yr old pooing in the toilet..she soon realised that children younger than herself pooed in toilets..bob's your uncle..did the trick

Mckenzie, with a bit of luck your friends dd will be too embarassed to poo at school if she needs a nappy. Peer pressure can work a treat!

I hope so. I know children much younger than ds use a toilet and although I have always avoided being the competitive type of Mum, I am worried he is being left behind. He resists other "grown up" things too for example he wont dress himslef without a real battle, he would have me dress him, feed him and give him milk in a bottle (he still asks for one). I dont know if he is trying to avoid growing up or if he is just lazy.

A friend of mine's ds refused to give up nappies for either pooing or weeing until the August before he started school! He heard his mum on the phone to his old nursery manager saying "yes,R will have to go back to nursery in Sept as he won't give up nappies, while all his friends will be at school - what a shame!" This worked a treat, he took himself out of nappies straight away with no accidents!

that's an interesting concept Caroline5. The little girl in question is very excited about going to big school like her brother so that might work. She has seen my DS doing poos on the toilet but didn't seem to care that he was a year younger than her and so squidgey's idea didn't work in this instance. Thanks for your comments though. My friend is hopeful that as suggested here that peer pressure at school will sort it out but she'd rather have it sorted prior to September if possible. Also, her daughter always goes just before bath after teatime, ie not during school hours normally, so the peer pressure idea actually might not work.
Fingers crossed though.

I had trouble with my son doing a poo on the loo (he only did it in the potty once and was so frightened by what he saw he wouldn't do it again!) and in the end we used bribery. We said he could have a present if he went to the loo - and it worked! We had a stash of little party bag pressies and doled them out as needed. Now he's stopped asking for presents, and he's not yet had an accident...

bunny2, I've read that bowell control varies enormously from child to child and that a significant number of children will not have the warning sensation (which they need to reach the pot)until an older age. My son appeared not to be feeling that sensation until early this year.
But the breakthrough came when we just took off the nappies and had a couple weeks of accidents and finally he got it. Great when it was over but an utterly hideous two weeks.
I think another problem is that we need to teach children disgust about poo but maybe we sometimes go too far and create a kind of hysterical shame about it (I used to hate it when my mother in law made yuck noises every time she ever changed his "dirty" nappy).

bunny2, I've read that bowell control varies enormously from child to child and that a significant number of children will not have the warning sensation (which they need to reach the pot)until an older age. My son appeared not to be feeling that sensation until early this year.
But the breakthrough came when we just took off the nappies and had a couple weeks of accidents and finally he got it. Great when it was over but an utterly hideous two weeks.
I think another problem is that we need to teach children disgust about poo but maybe we sometimes go too far and create a kind of hysterical shame about it (I used to hate it when my mother in law made yuck noises every time she ever changed his "dirty" nappy).

VFeist, me too. My Mum has used words like "disgusting while changing ds' nappy. It makes me so cross. How old was your son when he finally got the hang of it? My ds definately knows when he wants to go as he asks for a nappy. If I gently try to encourage him to the potty or toilet he just says an emphatic "no". He is very stubborn by nature so difficult to coerce. The bribery hasnt worked so far but I'll keep trying.

bunny2, sorry this is long - my ds was just over three when we did the 2 weeks from hell and by the end he was pretty much there. Even so, this last few days he's had lots of accidents (both kinds....) and I'm just trying to be hugely calm about them, very reassuring and positive etc.
But I know of lots of kids who are 4 and older when they're out of nappies so there are plenty of kids, particularly boys, who start at different ages. My local nursery manager told me that she's seeing boys potty trained later and later now, she thinks modern nappies keep them too comfortable.
I think each potty training method is unique to the child/carers/environment once the child has the physical awareness. The most signficant 2 elements for us were that I wanted him out of nappies to go to playschool and that I decided to just take the nappies off and go for it even though the process was grim. Just deciding not to put another nappy on made me determined to go through the days of accidents and that resolve in me made the difference for us, I think I somehow took the initiative away from him and that stopped it being a simple power game. He appeared to feel the shift in policy & seemed to realise 'right, she means business now'. I think each child/parent has a mystery key which will make a difference, for us it was taking the nappies off that moved us out of check mate. For you it might be something else of course. But I know that just forgetting all about it for awhile can work really well too, so you and he can just have a good time together and that he doesn't feel life is about pooing in the wrong place and everyone looking upset with you! I think my ds and I got into loads of vicious circles like that in the past and still do on other issues. Practical things that helped as well was one of those colourful soft seats from mothercare and letting him watch telly on his potty. We used the tv quite often to get him to sit on the potty actually, the food bribes didn't work as well. All the best with your ds.