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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ds sobbing every evening after being at childerminders.

40 replies

PanicPants · 16/09/2006 16:10

I've just returned to work and dp is split between my sister for 3 days and a CM for 2 days.

I thought this situation would be ideal, 3 days free childcare with family, and then 2 days with CM to enable ds to socilise with other children. But it's been horrendous.

I've been back 2 weeks now, and had hoped ds would have settled into it by now but he hasn't.

Each evening he sobs and sobs for hours (he's never done this before - and it's worse on the days the CM has him), I think it's mainly tiredness, as at home he would sleep between 3 and 5 hours a day, but now only gets about an hour if he's lucky from the CM and maybe 2 from my sister.

It's that awful sobbing that nothing I can do helps. He won't eat much or drink his milk, he won't go down for a nap, won't be cuddled, but doesn't want to be put down either. He really just wants to be walked around the house. He is teething as well.

The last few nights I've resorted to giving him calol, but I can't keep giving him calpol everyday just to calm him down.

Has anyone any practical advice? He's just 1 and it's breaking my heart.

OP posts:

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Donk · 16/09/2006 20:31

Good luck with the job share PP!
I hope it all goes well.

Bozza · 16/09/2006 20:49

Have you spoken to your sister and the CM about why he is not getting enough sleep and the effect it is having? Why is he only getting two hours sleep with your sister? Actually 5 hours seems a lot. Does that mean he doesn't sleep for long at night?

badkarma · 16/09/2006 20:54

Aww I just want to say I understand how hard it is walking away from your baby..and them coming home and finding him upset. My ds is 20months and his c/minder has had him from he was 9 months. He has the same routing at her house that he has at home as we sat down and discussed what his home routine was and she tried to keep it as close to his home one as possible, obviously there are days when he has a nap at a different time and she lets me know this so I can out him to bed later or earlier according to the time of his daytime nap. She has 2 other boys as well as mine, plus 3 of her own afterschool. I think it might be the sensible option to 1) have a chat with your current c/minder and sister and ask that they try and let him have his 3 hour naps, or, b) Ring about and try to find a new childminder, maybe one that can take him 5 days so that his wee routine is the same all week?
Sending you big hugs as I know what you're going through, my first dd didn't settle with a c/minder either, I had to give up work It wasn't a great job and it was no hard task to do, but if she had settled we would be a bit better off now...

cazzybabs · 16/09/2006 21:00

Incidently I'd speak to your union because I thought they couldn't refuse a jobshare. I did part time for a bit but have just gone back full time, although my part time was nearly full time (0.76).

Two weeks is not very long - can you pick him up earlier and so get him to bed before he gets overtired?

joanna4 · 16/09/2006 21:03

What would happen if for instance you got a new childminder who was able to accomodate your ds sleep needs then they got children who needed pick up or any of the other things you are saying are possibly causing the disruption.I would speak to your existing childminder in fairness see what could be done rather than disrupting his whole routine all over again.
Also would it be worth sending him to childminder 5 days so it is more settled and consistant for him.Its just a thought.

Original poster

PanicPants · 16/09/2006 22:14

Thank you all, you've given me some things to think about.

Ds is just such a big sleeper, he sleeps his 12 hours at night and 3-5hours a day. I will give him another week with the present arrangements, talk to both sister and cm again, and if there is no improvement will have to either change cm, or see if we can afford full time childcare ()to even out his routine.

OP posts:

Original poster

PanicPants · 16/09/2006 22:23

BTW How do you go about looking for a new childmimder? The one I've got now I already knew.

OP posts:

Littlefish · 16/09/2006 23:15

If you go on the Children's Information Service Website, you can do a search by postcode for childminders. Obviously though, the best way is by personal recommendation.

We found ours by phoning a childminder we knew (not dd's old childminder)and asking her if she knew anyone else who had spaces.

Are there any childminders who look after siblings of children at the school where you work? Ask the Reception class teachers - they often know.

kitbit · 17/09/2006 13:46

What about having 2 short naps instead of just one? When ds was 1 he preferred 2, especially if they were short ones. Then maybe he could still fit in with the CM's schedule (sounds like your sister would be OK managing this too?)? If not, I would agree that a change of CM is a good idea, before he gets too attached. If her routine is making life hard for your lo then she sadly isn't the right CM!

Still might be a lot to do with missing mummy, but at least sorting the tiredness might help. Does he cry during the day when you are not there or does he seem happy with your sister and the current CM?

tappy · 17/09/2006 16:18

i myself am a child minder and have wee girl that likes long nap so i put her to sleep in buggy so she can sleep for as long as she likes and i can still do my pick ups etc as i dont have to move her . why dont you mention this to cm

cece · 17/09/2006 16:40

Think a Head can refuse a return form maternity leave to part time. If it is in the best interests of the school or something like that. I know a few that this has happened to. I was lucky and another girl on mat leave at same time as me harched a plan to do a job share. We went to see the Head together and he agreed.

I have now moved schools and have been lucky enough to get a part time support teacher job. How about looking for a part time PPA release style of job?

lazycow · 17/09/2006 20:13

Hi Panic pants

Haven't had time to read the whole thread but ds would do this at 1 year old too if he was overtired. I specifically looked for a childminder who didn't have too many other kids and wasn't too busy as I knew he needed a structured day with plenty of play but also plenty of sleep. He has only recently at 21 months dropped his morning nap of 30 mins to 1 hr and is just sleeping 2-3 hrs in the afternoon. He can't have 3hrs at the cm but he does have 2- 2.5 hrs every day.

Today his afternoon nap was late (with me - I decided to have a bit less routine and a go with the flow day) and he spent 40mins crying after I woke him up after 2hrs of sleep at 4.45pm so that he would not go to bed too late.

DS needs regular sleep and enough of it otherwise he gets REALLY distressed. He is better than he was but at 1 year old he was still sleeping 1-2 hrs in the morning and at least that in the afternoon as well - often more.

anniebear · 17/09/2006 20:15

I used to be a childminder and have to admit there is no way I would have been able to give any child a 5 hr sleep (5hrs !!!!!! were did I go wrong with my own lol)

But all the children in my care (especially a 1 year old would have had a good sleep midday

alison222 · 17/09/2006 21:06

I am a childminder and the childrem with me manage to nap after lunch for about 2.5 hours. If they need a morning sleep they can do that too- but as we are often out in the mornings they have slept in the buggy - parents happy with this. Lunchtime naps in a cot though.

I had a LO for a while who didn't sleep more than 45 mins for me at first - but slept ages at home. It wasn't till her mum told me she often cried after 45 mins and if I left her she would go back to sleep - that she started having longer naps- and after she was walking we did things in the morning more so she was tired by lunchtime - that she started to sleep more soundly.

Littlefish · 22/09/2006 13:04

How has your ds been this week panicpants?

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