16 month old being very difficult :(

[tigertum]

My 16 month old is being very difficult at the moment. He has become a real 'toy thief' and has massive, floor-rolling trantums if I take whatever toy he is after and give it back to the baby he is playing with.

We went to this birthday party yesterday and he was the only baby playing up. To be fair he was the oldest by a few months and by nature has alwasy been very, very active but, it was suck a nightmare.

Whilst all the other babies played nicely and were't that much bother, my DS rampaged around the houce and garden - turning on the oven, puttingh his hand in the bird bath, posting toys into the pond, stealing toys, running down the slide - need I go on? The whol afternoon all I got was sympethetic 'he must run you ragid' comments of people. His final (and biggest trantrum) at the end of the party happened after another mum intervened and took a fire engine off him and another baby. Everyone was just staring at me and DS. We eventually scuttled off leaving a trail of devestation in our wake.

It was so embaressing and I think everyone there thought I was a terrible parent. I really have no idea what I am doing as a mum

Tigertum - i can totally sympathise with you on this one. My ds is also 16mths and like yours has always been very active, into everything and naturally curious, which leads to him pushing the boundaries on many occasions. My ds is also a fan of biting! I get so embarrassed, but there isnt really anything i can do.

In NO way are you a bad parent!!

I have a few friends who just laugh when ds is playing up and say to me 'oh dear poor you, you must be exhausted with this one ha ha ha' and i just think to myself you know its alright for you to say that as yours hasnt got to that stage yet, but when they do oh how i will be laughing.

I would much rather a child that is adventurous, and active (even if he does test my patience almost daily) than a quiet little mouse that doesnt do anything, although...........

Hang in there TT, just think it cant last forever

Am annoyed on your behalf TT! I would actually say to the smug mummies "yep, this is your future." Let them chew on that!

My 15 month old dd is just the same TT. We had terrible tantrums in a shop yesterday as I made her leave a display of balls behind (after she had pulled it on top of herself, balls everywhere), then when I took my credit cards off her at the checkout and put my purse away. Felt the whole shop was looking at me thinking "brat!", but I know dd is lovely! Its hard becouse I feel she's too little to understand why I stop her fun, but I just hate going out with her as I know this will happen over something everytime. Every other 1 yr old seems to be sitting nicely in their buggies looking around while dd climbs out of hers and wreaks havoc wherever she goes! I just hope when everyone else goes through the terrible twos we'll be past it....

Thanks again for your reasurance people. I can't tell you how much better its made me feel Will re-read this thread before the next party on Friday. Where I've heard (with great forboding) that there is an uncovered pond in the garden. That is how tame my friends 1 year old is!

With the toy taking, what do you all do when your DD/DS takes a toy off another baby? Do you think I am right to intervene and try and give the toy back?

I Will get hold of a copy of that book threebob. Although, next time I'm in a flap with him, I can see myself blurting out, 'it's not him, it's his frontal lobe' to some confused looking mothers as I try and return a stolen puschair for the 10th time.

At the end of the day, I would change my DS for the world. I so proud that he's as bright, agile and curious as he is. I think I just need to work out the best, kindest way to handle him sometimes.

Thanks again so much

Wouldn't !!!

hi tigertum, everyone has already given you fab advice and stuff. I just wanted to say that I have a son who is EXACTLY like yours.
He is a few months older but the situation you described could have been him down to a t. He is always the one climbing up things or taking toys or rummaging through cupboards, doing things he shouldn't be.

He's one of those kids that before I had children myself I'd have been saying "why can't she control that child?"
Now I know that some are just like that and I am embracing his inquisitiveness, gregariousness and sense of adventure.

Hi tt my dd is the very same. We have a rule in our house that if anyone has to take something away we have to give another thing in its' place. It might sound stupid but it really works. Ds is 4.5 and he knows he has to give dd a "viable alternative" if he takes something from her. With dd (15 months ) it is harder work but she seems to understand the principle even if we have to go through the actions with her iyswim?
BTW your ds sounds completely normal. A bit extra clever even

at uncovered pond! Dd will try and climb in any open body of water...

As for toy taking, I tend to say not nice, so and so was playing etc then try to distract her, but at this age I find other mums don't mind/help by encouraging sharing,etc. Sometimes I just leave them to work it out themselves if no one seems upset as I'm not sure they at all get sharing and being nice at this age!
Our worst problems are when dd finds another childs toy/sippy cup at the playground as she doesn't understand you can't just take a complete strangers stuff. Even then the mums (of slightly older children I notice) are very understanding.

He's only 16 months - I would just give the other child another toy.

If you really want to start the process of taking turns - then do it at home as a fun activity for the two of you - not at a party with other mums looking on.

I'm also shocked at the uncovered pond - that's dangerous however tame your 1 year old is.

Yes, the open-pond tremble. I'm actually hoping for rain (so is the the mum who's pond it is). But, if its sunny and the part spills out onto the garden I'll just have to be vigilent I suppose. DS will want to jump in it and throw things in it. I'll probably want to throw myself in it by the end of the party! Only joking.

The teaching him about sharing at hime sounds like a v. good idea Threebob. Maybe Bedtime bear and his Bob the builder can play 'share the block' or something tomorrow.

Feel much more reassured now though.

Tigermum I had 2 passive little lumps (angel babies) then ds3 Who came out holding his head up and raring to go. He's 19 months now and an absolute nightmare. He would have done everything your ds did. He does make me laugh a lot because he's just so extreme.

He gets plenty of chance to learn to share at home with 2 brothers (one aged 7 and one aged 4). Unfortunately he prefers to whack them, push them, grab toys off them and scream if they try and take them back.

He's starting nursery 1 day a week next week I have warned them (they had my other 2).

i seemed to one of the few have a dd who has been like this since she first discovered how to roll over.

I went through this stage now she is 2 1/2 yrs she is like an ant on speed 90% of the time.

I think because i returned toys, book etc "saying that abc was playing with that and it will be your turn in a minute let play/ do this" out of all her friends she is one of the better behaved.

As people have already just be consisstant return item saying ---- is playing with that lets do this. And ignore the bad behaviour and distract with something else.

It's funny because i find it hard to understand children who just sit still.

I totally agree with lizziemun, it is stranger to have a sit still well behaved toddler............that freaks me out.

I bet half the people at the party were thinking "I wish mine were a bit more active/curious". I know whenever I go to a party, I rarely get to speak to anyone - too busy retrieving DS2 16 months, from tops of slides ( "look no hands"), altercations with toys, climbing up any steps in sight, closing doors onto people, emptying cupboards and 'stealing' food not designed for him !

And I too would not have it any other way - everything amuses him and everything is of interest. To him, life is brilliant - and who can criticise that !

Agree with everyone else - he sounds normal (perhaps on the more energetic end of the scale...like my DS).

LOL WWW....my DS does the same...we have to hide the sudocream now... he is also 16 months....

TT - there is a huge difference in behaviour from 12-16 months. Your friends will find out soon enough

Does anybody else have trouble keeping a straight face when trying to 'distract', my dd (16mth) knows I find her funny and gives me a ridiculous cheesy grin whenever she's caught out, and I can't help but smile - no wonder she doesn't take me seriously

yes, we have had this week jumping up the stairs backwards. Having to tell her off while explaining that we shouldn't do that as it dangerious (she slipped while doing this last week ended up with a carpet burn on her face)

She now stands with hands on hips tummy pushed out saying "Sizzie not happy me " when we have to explain why we don't do whatever she has found to do.

tt this was my ds-he is now 5 and is absolutely gorgeous-if not challenging-he has always approached everything with huge gusto-what a fantastic attribute to have-he is fearless, active, loves to run and climb, has a great sense of adventure and fun and is really funny. Easy he aint-never has been (I have that easy child now in his sister), but I wouldn't have him any other way-what may seem like problems now will be such strengths when he has developed some self-control and ability to reason.

tigertum - he sounds normal to me. DS2 is 16 months and over the last month has def changed from 'baby' to 'toddler'. As DH and I watch him wreak devastation behind him wherever he goes I just clasped onto DH's arm and said 'Uh-oh, toddlerhood - here we come, again" (he's our 3rd).

He wont be the only one in your group to liven things up - just wait - soon he is sure to find a comrade in arms amongst those 'placid babies'