Naughty Chair???? Has anyone tried it?

[AMYandJESS]

Hello

My dd is 2yrs 9mnths and is hyper active. She, just like every other toodler, doesn't listen to anything I say unless it involves sweets, going to the park etc. If I ask her to do something like put her toys away or stop climbing on top of my washing machine she just doesn't listen and I ask about 7 or 8 times before either screaming at her or getting to the stage where I end up smaking her leg. I have tried putting her in her room but her toys are there so that just defeats the object of the punishment. I have had it suggested to me and I have seen it on Supernanny about the naughty chair and I was just wondering if any1 has tried it and how effective it actually is. It seems to work on the show but lets face it its TV and not best to take that as a prime example.

Well your upbringing obviously explains your unpleasant attitude!!!

It's funny how I had a similar upbringing, and yet can conduct myself in a sane and pleasnt fashion on an adult message board while still putting my point across.

You may find my claims "groundless", but I have plenty of experience I'm willing to share with those willing to listen.

If it's not for you ~ then fine, but why judge others?

From your attitude here, I would think you are likely to be the best candidate for strking out physically at someone who annoys you, since you can't refrain from being unecessarily verbally unpleasant here.

I don't think you should ever smack children.
How do you teach them smacking is wrong if you smack yourself? I don't understand how you could ask them not to adopt a behaviour you yourself are giving out?

BM, if someone disagrees with you, can they smack you?

There are so many holes in your post, BadMuther, it's tempting to sit here arguring the toss with you all afternoon.

But since you're quite clearly barking as well as an arrogant bully, I think I'll refrain.

Welcome to Mumsnet

Greensleeves I couldn't agree more.

I fail to see why a parent who has made a decision not to smack, and has likely come up with many other ways of managing their child's behaviour and their own emotional response to that behaviour is more likely to 'lose their temper' than a parent who has made the decision to smack.

Badmuther - I don't get it...

I don't hink using a naught step etc is bullying, but I don't really like this sort of behaviour when used in a nursery school, I think in the home you HAVE to use some sort of punishment or you would go totally mad!

Depends how it's used - I've seen it used for EVERYTHING and it made me want to smack the mother

I think my big problem with it is calling it the "naughty step". Don't like that.

I hate smacking but have done so occasionally on the bottom, but my youngest ds copies, so I would never choose to smack and try very hard to control myself and use some other form of punishment - like taking away a gameboy! or sending them to their bedroom, which isn't that bad as all their toys are there to play with! Sometimes I find myself shouting at them, and then they shout back at me and I feel terrible, bringing up children is soooo hard, especially in the summer hols!

I know what you mean hunker, we just ask dd to sit on the stairs and before that she always has several verbal warnings and a count down after that.
She calls out 'I'm ready' when she's completed her thought process and then I sit by her side on the stairs and we chat about what went wrong and how to make sure it doesn't happen again.
She then does it again and I smack her hard but with an open palm and not in a temper so that's fine I guess.......

that of course is a very poor joke but couldn't resist

I find smacking in a considered fashion worse than smacking in temper, actually.

"Right, child of mine, light of my life, I would hunt and kill anyone who harmed a hair on your head, but I am now going to raise my hand to you for some misdemeanour"

Yes, sounds like superb parenting to me. Well done.

(That was to BM, btw - not WM )

Mcoodle: Yes, of course I can explain that...

Have you honestly never lost your temper????

I have, plenty of times, and so I know how to avoid doing something I might later regret because I am aware of the possibilities.

My EVIDENCE is based upon the numerous mothers who have admitted to me smacking their children because they lost their temper ~ although they hate smacking ~ and feel guilty as hell about it afterwards. They told me this because they felt the need to confess to someone and knew I smacked my daughter OCCASIONALLY, and therefore wouldn'f judge them negatively, when they do everything else right.

You can acccept that or you won't, but I don't know why you think you so much holier~than~thou about this.

I prefer honesty, but then maybe you're not so much angry at me for what you want to believe is a generalisation that I apparently made about anti~smackers, than that you're afraid that it might hold a grain of truth in it and you find that a bit scary.

As for mentioning the smacking in the first place, I wanted to reassure the lady (regardless of what she said) that started this thread that she wasn't a bad mother for smacking her child, as somebody else had already implied, and to offer her my experiences..like we're supposed to on this board. Why else would she be here?

This is a DISCUSSION board, not a one~point~of view only forum.

However, I don't really think I care anymore about what you think. I think some of you are quite unpleasant people actually, who only come into to judge because they haven't got any better to do.

You don't convince me that you wouldn't be extremely nasty people if crossed by anyone, let alone a child, since some of you don't seem to be able to handle yourselves on flipping internet message board! There is more than one way to screw up a child ladies, not just physically and maybe that attitude gets used on your kids in a way that would leave a mental scar instead. Think about it.

I think you need to grow up yourselves and get some more experience of LIFE as it actually is, rather than in your precious politically~correct parenting manuals.

I'm done here.

Message withdrawn

I've had huge urges to smack my DH in the past but have refrained, and up until now it hasn't ended in a mass brawl, or me throwing the coffee table at him. Maybe only time will tell.

(sorry if this is in bad taste too, just wanting to lighten the mood!)

Close the door on your way out.

But the lady who started this thread never mentioned ssmacking, she was asking about a naughty chair - BadMuther you are confused.

Message withdrawn

ooooooohhhhhhhhhh!

You're not very bright really are you BM.

1. My post said that I didn't understand how non-smackers were 'more likely' to lose their tempers than smackers. I did not suggest that people who don't smack never lose their temper. We all lose out temper - it's how we manage our anger that is important.

2. Your post is vey shouty - have you lost your temper?

3. I am not holier than thou. I simply took umbrage at your wild generalisation. I expressed a view.

4. I still don't get it - don't you feel guilty when you smack your child? Or is it only parents who smacked once and feel bad about it that have the monopoly on guilt?

5. your evidence is anecdotal and you have chosen to use it to develop a whole new theory of the cycle of violence.

You are clearly not someone who is up for any sort of discussion about your views. I'm off.

beech she did
"she just doesn't listen and I ask about 7 or 8 times before either screaming at her or getting to the stage where I end up smaking her leg."

Right I really dont know where to start here. First off I think I should appologise for even starting this thread. I honestly just wanted some advice and an honest opinion if this naughty chair had worked with anyone's children same age as mine, not to start a internet version of world war 3. I obviously know now that some things you cant mention on here like smaking children, no matter what con-text it is in, I am a new comer to MN and my friend recommended it to me I should have looked furthur into it before I started using it!
I cant remember who the person was who made the comment but I think saying that someone who smackes their child/ren doesn't have the intellegence to find another form of punishment was a completely unfair comment. I am not saying that the smacking, what ever shape or form, is ok or right or that I am in any way happy with doing it, but I do totally agree with BM that sometimes certain people (and yes I am 1 of them) do result in it as a form of disipline. I never had a bad childhood and I have happy memories of growing up, but I was bought up with a smack if I was naughty. Not a beating or in anyway abuse and never with any other object other than a parents hand. I agree with everyone there when they say that using a slipper etc is completely un called for and that in my eyes is abuse.
The comment that BM made ""People who say they will never smack are far more likely to be pushed over the edge by a child that knows it can do what it likes, and far more likely to lash out in anger in a far more dangerous way."
I wouldn't describe it as "Bullshit" because I saw the reaction that got before but I do in-fact disagree with it. I would rather be the Parent that found another way than smacking, Im not saying that would make me a better or worse mother because I can see the love in my dd eyes everytime she looks at me and I certainly see no fear around me or anything giving me any idea that she doesn't want to be around me so Im obviously not doing a too bad job so far.
I do appreciate the feed back on this thread and I am sorry how it resulted. I only hope no-one has the wrong idea of me and I hope no-one at all thinks I would ever halm my dd, she is my life and the most important person in it!