how to get my 8 wks old into a routine?

[shazzaronnie]

any tips on getting my dd into a routine i'm a first time mum and are finding it hard to go out or do things at home with her. i'm always up at night so sleep during the day and just want to get her in routine with me?

we found waking DS up to feed him as we went to bed worked really well - I often expressed for that feed so DH could do it and I could get into bed and start going to sleep, as I was the one getting up in the night again later. By feeding him at 10-11 ish, after a while he then needed just one feed in the night which gradually got later and later, and we avoided him waking up of his own accord around 12-1 and then again around 5 - it does cut down one night feed earlier, if you see what I mean?

thanks for all ya advice its been all taken in, i have problems in getting her off to sleep if she been awake to long. so it would be a good idea to wake her every three hours durin the day so eventually dd will go through the night? what is the normal age for that to happen?

Ha who knows. DD is 7 months and not doing it.

if you have probs getting her off to sleep when she's been awake too long, she is prob over tired. I think at that age they are not really capable of staying awake more than 1.5 hours at a time. I would def try and and feed every 3 hours or so and try not to let her fall asleep at the breast / bottle, so you know she's getting a full feed.

I'd def go for waking her to feed every 3 hours in the day myself - the more you can get her to take in the day, the more likely she is to sleep for longer periods in the night. If she's sleeping for really long periods in the day now, then what you're then trying to teach her to do is to take those long sleeps at night, instead of in the day time.

I'd try to get in at least 6 full feeds in between 7 am and 11 pm/midnight, and then hopefully you'll be able to get more rest at night as she'll have been getting lots of daytime nutrition.

It won't always work, but eventually you'll get there! I don't think there is an average age for sleeping through, it depends on lots of factors I guess - DS did it at 9 weeks (from 11ish pm feed), but he was a PORKER!!!

Also, I reckon 12lb is the "magic weight" for being able to sleep a longer period as the baby's tummy is bigger and can take more milk at one go. But they are all different and some babies are snackers, others are big feeders, so don't get disheartened if you don't "crack it" straight away.

BTW, I only say 7 am - midnight because that's what we did - it might work better for you starting later/earlier - don't get hung up on a 7 am start!!

Shazza, I just saw the other thread that you're on about mixing - I didn't realise you'd had such a hard time - agree with all the advice on there. Definitely go to bed and spend as much time as you can with DD, lots of direct feeding if you can, lots of cuddles, doze when she sleeps, and try not to worry.

thanks clare great advice no had a few problems but getting there now, been wakin her for her feeds so hopefully we're gettin there. did u ever feel u couldn't go out because she might cry or be upset?

shaz - I felt like this with my DS at the beginning - i remember taking him to a post natal group when he was 6 weeks and everyone elses babies seemed so content to just lie on play mats, while I was terried of putting him down as I knew he'd cry, but by the time he was 9 weeks he was sleeping through and just generally a happier baby.
Just keep at it, every day seems like an eternity at the moment, but give her a couple of weeks and you will notice a difference. It does get easier -and you will feel more confident with every weeks that goes by.

hi Shazza (and Mabel - hello to you too!), yes, I did used to worry going out with DS in case he cried. I'm about to have no. 2, and I'm much more relaxed this time round. The first time every time he cried I thought there was always something wrong - but sometimes he was just exercising his voice box... . You do gradually learn what the different cries mean. Babies do cry, for lots of different reasons - it's the only way they can really communicate before they can smile and grin and squeal/blow raspberries etc. If you haven't seen it already, Tracy Hogg (the Baby Whisperer) has lots of info about different cries and what they might mean.

Also, I think this time I am less worried about feeding the baby in public - I just won't care. If you're worried about that, you could take a muslin with you everywhere and drape it over your shoulder and boob while DD feeds.

Hi Shazza, are you saying that DD sleeps all day, apart from feeds and is awake all night?

To me its not just about routines, but if they sleep 8 hours between 7am and 7pm, then no way are they gonna sleep 12 hours between 7pm and 7am.

I used to put DS down for a sleep after 2 hours or so as others have said, but didnt let him sleep all day. He would have an hour or so about 9 am, about 2 hours and about 12ish and another hour at 4 before bed at 7pm. It worked very well for us, and he was very happy with it. prior to this I had been missing his sleep cues very badly and letting him get very over tired.

Noght feeds are still very important at that age though, to do with growing, something to do with melatonin - wish I could remember all the gory details.

Hi shazza - I hope you're feeling a bit more on top of things now but don't worry because it all takes time. You've had some really good advice from what I've read. In answer to your question about going out (I know it was for Claire but thought I could answer a bit!) - I was petrified of going out with DS at first for fear of him crying - he had reflux and did cry (and puke everywhere) whenever I put him down. What I learned though was don't let it stop you going to things like baby groups - people will understand and frustratingly whenever anyone else held DS he shut up! Also go out shopping or for a walk when she's asleep, it really does make you feel better to be out of the house

Hope you're getting a bit more sleep - all gets better from here on in, promise!

Hi. Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg has an excellent "EASY" routine that you follow throughout the day. It really helps you to identify where your child is at and you can eliminate certain things at different times as you get to know where they are in the day. Don't know if I was just very lucky or if the advice really helped, but Mia was sleeping through the night (10:30-7:00) from 8 weeks. She's now 11 weeks and a real dream baby! Might be worth a go? Good luck and remember you're not alone!!

my dd is 6 weeks so still too young i guess but i'm finding it so frustrating that no 2 days are the same. i can't predict anything aboyt what she does other than its unpredictability & its driving me mad.
my 3 yr old ds fell into a routine at about this age which i loved.
this is doing my head in & noone will listen to me they think i'm mad.

bodenbetty - I can only agree with everything liquidclocks has said - some babies like more structure and some mothers need it also. Baby Whisperer's EASY routine saved me from going mad. Learning my baby needed to sleep every 2 hrs - and wouldn't fall asleep by himself - made a huge difference. Also following her advice to swaddle and put him in a dark room worked. I know each baby is different but the joy of Tracy Hogg's book is that she allows for that and just helps you to work out what will work for your own one - and your second is clearly going to be different to your first. Good luck - I swore I wouldn't do a routine to start with but now I love our slightly dodgy one - and so does ds.

I have read all this and it has eased my worries a bit - my DS is 5 weeks old and everyone keeps asking me if I have got him in a routine - which I haven't! I have been panicking that I should have as it seems so important to everyone else. At the moment, I let him sleep when, where and for as long as he wants during the day - is this wrong? I also try and bath and feed him at the same time every evening but some evenings he will fall asleep at 8 and others not sleep at all. However, he sleeps very well during the night as he settles in his crib and goes to sleep (if he is not asleep already) when we go to bed (about 10ish) and only wakes up once for a feed and settles back to sleep straight away until 7ish. I have read the advice about waking him up every 3 hours for a feed but quite often (particularly at 10 o'clock at night), he is so fast asleep that we can't wake him up whatever we do (I have tried changing him, playing with him, loud noises) - this happens quite a bit when we try and feed him at 10 o'clock at night - I am hoping that if he did take a feed at that time, he would sleep through. any advice would be helpful about how to wake up a baby?? Also, should I be trying to get into a routine yet or is he too young??

superblue i think around 12 wks is ok time fora routine to start, i think babies are more alert at that stage and respond better to variuos stimulii- people watching, toy things etc, then its not so hard to have them awake when u want etc etc.

dpnt worry about it at this early stage, just enjoy this time

Hi superblue, my first baby was like this. We'd try everything to get him to wake up, or stay awake so he could have that feed when I wanted him to, as opposed to when he wanted to, and it just didn't work. He knew own mind (still does!) and there wasn't much point in trying to change it. I think that your baby sounds fantastic, and that if you are doing the bedtime thing then you can quite legitimately say yes when people ask if he is in a routine. I really think that if you are happy with how your life is going and your baby is thriving then you shouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. Oh, and it is really important to bear in mind that no two babies (or families) are alike (ds for us was a fantastically easy first baby, whilst dd was a very stressful second baby - and the situation reversed as toddlers) I really think the important thing is to get to know your baby before you try and structure things, once you can hear the repertoire of tired / hungry / uncomfortable / bored / angry crying it becomes so much easier (and less stressful) to figure out how you want to approach life together. I also like Tracy Hogg, she seems to have a nice gentle approach to routine, with lots of sensible suggestions. I also agree with the three months thing, that's when things started to gel a bit and life became easier with both of mine.

Thanks Nooka - you have made me feel better as we are quite happy doing what we are doing (although it would be know we could guarantee and evening to ourselves!) but everyone else seems to be obsessed with a routine. We are going on holiday at the end of September so I guess it makes sense to leave it until after then when DS will be about 3 months old.

I think a lot of people view the word "routine" with horror or dread as they see it as being too tying and restrictive. I think routines are more about doing things at the same time, and not about where those things happen. So in other words, as long as you are keeping the sleep times and feeding times at the same time, you can get your baby to do that pretty much anywhere, leaving you free to go out of the house if you want to. I take my DD out every day and if that happens to be at the time she is due to sleep then I cover her pram and off I go! Admittedly some babies are more portable than others, but as long as you are consistent with your timing, you can get a baby used to being flexible about where they are with time and patience! That way, you are a much more fulfilled and relaxed mummy, which has to have a positive effect on your baby. I honestly think, that the sooner you can get this going the better, as it really gives you a good sense of where you are at in your day, and where your baby is in his/her cycle. So if they cry, you can eliminate certain things, because of the time that it happens in their cycle. I promise it works!!!