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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is it normal for a 4 year old to have such an attitude ?

39 replies

Beauregard · 20/07/2006 21:02

Or is it down to me being a crappy mom?
dd1 4yrs.10months
The attitude of vicky pollard !!!
For example she will suddenly out of nowhere start goading dp or me by repeating everything we say and whenever we threaten her with taking a toy away or her not going somewhere etc she just replies"yeh,yeh whatever i dont want (insert item)anyway "!which just sounds like bravado but she really doesn't care .It is very difficult for me to put into words quite how she behaves ,it goes beyond normal childlike behaviour ,she is down right nasty a lot of the time.
I always end up telling her that she is a horrible little girlwhich of course i instantly regret but if i cant manage her attitude now then what will i do when she really is a teenager?

OP posts:

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GeorginaA · 20/07/2006 22:46

stoppinattwo: the only problem with that theory is that I found ds1 came home MORE insolent and with new phrases to be insolent with as he copied other children I found with school the behaviour got worse before it got better (he was an angel at school, apparently - just took it out on us at home by being lippy)

chipkid · 20/07/2006 22:47

Am soo glad I found this thread tonight. ds (just 5) is bloody awful at the moment-so rude and insolent. Doesn't give a monkeys about anything.

Today I had to leave work early because of his rudeness to our nanny! I made him trail around with me all afternoon whilst I did the most boring jobs I could find (kitchen shop, bathroom shop) whilst tellig him that dd is out with the nanny having ice-cream. (He knew I was SO angry that he complied with everything like a little lamb)

he is begging to stay with the nanny tomorrow!

I really do despair of him at times

He was really bothered.

GeorginaA · 20/07/2006 22:49

LOL ... I hear the words I say to ds1 getting repeated to his little brother!! Another reason for me to try not to lose my rag too often (herculean effort some days, I know) as then poor ds2 gets the grief!

Heard ds1 say to ds2 the other day: "Oh good boy, ds2... that's very good sharing, and you've put the track together really well." ... had to leave the room to have a good snigger.

soapbox · 20/07/2006 22:52

The most effecive way I have found of dealing with copying is to copy them back. So they copy you and then you copy them back so they copy you copying them copying you and so on... It gets so tedious after about the 3rd time, that boredom sets in and they find something more interesting to do

I think she needs a lot more attention from you - that is all she's looking for. I know that whilst she is winding you up it is the last thing you feel like doing, but try and forget about her behaviour for a while and try to enjoy just spending time with her and see if that helps make the attention more positive rather than the negative cycle you have both got in to

stoppinattwo · 20/07/2006 22:53

DD is craving school tho, She loves responsibility she loves to help, she loves to be in charge. I think i will see a total personality chage in September. She is so frustrated with her boundaries at nursery, She gets frustrated with DS because he hates her organising stuff for him. And god help you if you ever laugh at anything she does (either laugh about or laugh with) you may as well release a whole bunch of screaming banshees.

She is also v sensitive and is easily embarrased, very selfconcious. But she just explodes in defense and can be violent verbally and physically. She soo needs the responsibilty of a school environment. Her new teacher is a lovely older woman with bags of patience and experience so fingers crossed.

chipkid · 20/07/2006 22:53

but will it ever improve? It worries me that he is so unbothered about being in the dog house! It worries me that he is almost impossible to discipline because there is so little I can do that bothers him!

GeorginaA · 20/07/2006 22:54

Oh yes, school has been brilliant for ds1 over all. He's matured so much over the last year, and he was really ready for it. It'll be great for her

It does also give them opportunities to refine their verbal backchat though, so be warned

Original poster

Beauregard · 20/07/2006 22:56

my dd hates anyone laughing at her /with her
"if you laugh at me then i will laugh at you too ner ner ner and i will wee on you!"
She is sssssssssssooooooooooooooooo competitive too ,she just doesn't get it that she cant win everything.

OP posts:

GeorginaA · 20/07/2006 22:56

Well, can only speak for ds1 so far, but he did improve, and despite the apparent unbotheredness (is that a word?!) he does care. I think 4/5 is also the age of false bravado!

cleaninglady · 21/07/2006 15:46

a good thing from this thread is that they all seem to be the same and i know my dd 4yo 9months is a little diva and it got particularly bad a couple of months ago - i must admit i have to be extra extra firm and if she talks/whines with the attitude i just get hold of her arms and say do not talk to me like that in my best firm voice it is working and i do have to be absolutely on the ball about saying i will not accept her talking to me like that but dread being out as she would do the ooooowww thing or answer back but she does everything that most of you are saying so at least were not alone!

chipkid · 21/07/2006 20:05

My nanny is on the verge of leaving after 4 days of my ds's cheek and back chat. He is so bloody rude at the moment and appears to have very little respect for her (she is not as strict as me obviously and she has tried to be on friendly terms with him!)

am at my wits end with it all

scully · 21/07/2006 22:39

Thank god I found this thread tonight....I never knew 4 could be a difficult age.....I had an ok day with dd1 today but completely lost it with her several times between 5-8pm tonight. Just when I would calm down she would do something else. I know I'm the one who is meant to stay calm and be the adult but no-one has ever pushed me to my limit before, so often dh and I worry that we are being too hard on her and 70% of the time she is great, but that other 30%.....
No useful advice here, just needing to vent

chipkid · 21/07/2006 22:46

scully doesn't it make you feel crap when you lose it?
My Ds always sees this a sign that he has won that round!

scully · 24/07/2006 23:15

oh yes, v crap
but the last 2 days have been loads better so at least my awful Friday night didn't continue over to the weekend
I do wonder though how I will cope when her and her sister are teenagers and can debate even more skillfully than dd1 can now. Think I will need a well stocked wine cellar

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