Which age is the hardest?

[KathyMCMLXXII]

Please someone, tell me it's 13 months

Obviously it's going to vary, but I wonder what people think?

(Personally I'm finding it way less stressful than when she was a newborn and we worried about if we were doing it right all the time, but physically much, much harder - oh how I miss those hours spent sitting on a sofa breastfeeding in front of Richard & Judy....)

I think it varies because you as a parent will be naturally better at coping with some stages than others. There's a theory that no-one can possibly be a brilliant parent throughout a child's life because their needs are so different at every stage. Someone who has the right skills to be really good with babies won't necessarily be naturally good with toddlers, or someone good at pre-schoolers be good with 5yo and so on.

Looking back, I think I was naturally adapted to ds when he was a baby - had loads of patience (not because I'm a good person, but because I just seemed to click with his needs). But 2.5 to 3 was VERY hard because he was just so darn unco-operative. And I remember that stage where every nappy change takes 20 minutes because you have to wrestle them to the ground again and again!

Has now turned 3 and the delightful entertaining bits are beginning to show through the aggravating bits. Still took dh 30 minutes to wrestle him out of the house this morning, once he was up, dressed breakfasted and ready to go though!

I think it all depends really on the children really..

DD1 5 yrs, has always been a little saint and law abiding citerzan (sp?)very mothering and well behaved.

DD2 3.6 yrs its a little horror much of the time and has been since 3 mths or so (very very very cheeky now) she would never sleep, struggled with feeding and many other things. She gets told no, she just looks as if to say "yes mum ok whatever" and attempts to carry on, then has a hissy fit when stopped.

Ahhhh its so much fun roll on the teenage years

depends on the child - newborn for me definitely. Just gets easier after that.

oh yes with the exception of the teenage years of course!

well so far:

3 days to 3 months;
6 months to 8 months;
10 months to 18 months.

plus lots of intermittent rotten days at any other age.

remind me again why we do this.

A mad moment of insanity AB

the first year! I have a 15 month old and there are massive challange sot do with his increasing physical independance and curiosity but I hated him as a baby. I dislike having totlaly dependant things, I found his lack of interaction boring and frankly I couldn't wait for him to turn into a real person!
I think it depends on the type of person you are, I'm active and curious and enjoy itneraction. I don't do maternal cuddly and I don't want to feel 'needed'. I've never got broody over babies and I sitll don't - not sure i see the point of them, i think they are great when they become little (and bigger) people and I enjoy all ages from 2 - 18. (I work with teenagers in my job so thats not rosetinted spectacles)

At 15 months he is getting closer to being able to ask for what he wants (okay he points but its a indication), he initiates cuddles himself, he smiles and runs towards me when I come in, he has his own likes and dislikes and can amuse himself ro 30 mintues or more. And he sleeps (more or less) through the night.

I find it far less isolating as well. We go to playgroups and you've got a wealth of experiences and funny stories to share.

Littlerach,

I stick to what I said 4 months into pregnancy.

"I'd only ever have another kid if I could get them at 6 months plus"

Why oh why does everyone assume because you are female and have a kid already that you adore babies? I agree that everyone has different skills, i used to get 'sniffs' of disaproval when i said I was gritting my teeth to get through the first year, but actually I'mn really glad its this way round. At least I know I nejoy the ages past 1yr old! and I wont' be forever hankering after his 'baby' days

I try not to dwell too much on the early days - it's absolutely dreadful. I think new parents should be given as much help as possible and counselling/someone to talk to if they want it. I think the levels of post natal depression are seriously underestimated in this country. The demise of the extended family has left too many women wondering what the hell they've done.

whatever age my own kids are is always the hardest!

I absolutely agree with KathyMCMLXXII and Schneebly. In fact I was thinking of posting a thread on this very subject.

My dd2 is 15 months old; she is gorgeous and sparky but is extremely hard work. I find dealing with a newborn a piece of cake compared to dealing with a 10-18 month old.

Newborns:

• sleep a lot during the day, so you get time to do other things
• stay where you put them
• just drink milk
• can't do anything they 'shouldn't', so you don't have to worry about discipline -have simple needs: milk, cuddles, clean clothes/nappies, and can get entertainment just by watching the world go by.

10-18 month olds:

• are awake for most of the day
• don't necessarily sleep through the night (mine wakes several times)
• want lots of meals and snacks, then make a real mess with their food
• are into everything, messing up and moving your possessions, interfering with older siblings' toys, trying to reach dangerous items. (may also be able to climb up)
• struggle during nappy changes and when getting dressed
• may slap, push or bite people
• are very hard to discipline because of their short memories and lack of understanding
• need lots of stimulation and entertainment, get bored
• get frustrated because they know what they want but can't communicate their needs well, and because they want to copy older children but can't manage it
• still cry a lot

No contest, IMO!

The early toddler stage is rewarding as well as difficult though - it's absolutely wonderful watching them learn to talk and walk, and enjoying their developing personalities and sense of humour.

i'm sorry, i simply don't recognise that picture of a newborn melpomene.

prob because i've only had one though...

• sleep a lot during the day - yes, if you're lucky, but only for tiny little chunks, not proper naps - you just have time to move the washing up from the sink to the side, go to the loo, think 'i'm so tired i just want to cry' and they're awake again
• stay where you put them - yes, and you have to carry them everywhere
• just drink milk - yes but they DON'T do they - it's either too much, too little, colic, posset, not paying attention at the boob, acting like you're trying to poison them, hungry 20 mins after the last time, feeding for 50 mins 10 times a day...
• can't do anything they 'shouldn't', so you don't have to worry about discipline - i'll give you that -have simple needs: milk, cuddles, clean clothes/nappies, and can get entertainment just by watching the world go by - mmm. milk, see earlier. cuddles, yes but who will cuddle the cuddlers? clean clothes, yes, 15 times a day. entertainment, ha ha - yes they will watch the world go by for 20 seconds, after which they are crying.

Oh God the newborn patch is awful.

depends so much on the newborn - had one fighter and one little pussycat so v different experience each time.

For me, first child was the hardest because I found it all so outside my experience and stuff. So terrible twos second time round are a breeze.

My easiest time so far was when I only had ds1 - he was a pretty easy baby, slept like a dream and was happy to entertain himself (i.e. didn't need picking up all the time and stimulating!). From ds2's birth onwards it got harder, simply because the more children you have the more tired you are probably.

I don't think life is 'hard' as such, just very tiring (mine are now 5, 3 and nearly 2). They are all at a great age right now for different reasons.

I agree with you acnebride but you forgot the 'cry their head off from 6pm until 10pm for 4 months no matter what you do' stage. That was a high point.....

Interesting points acnebride. I think it does depend on the baby, and how well they sleep and feed. Mine weren't good sleepers, but fed well. I found that carrying dd2 in a Huggababy sling made things much easier in the early days. I could feed her in the sling, even while walking about and doing other things or playing with dd1. And at least breastfeeding gives you a good excuse to sit down and put your feet up some of the time. (I'm still breastfeeding dd2 and obviously it has to be sitting down these days!)

You have reminded me though of one other very hard aspect of having a newborn, which is not being able to leave them with other people for long, especially if you are breastfeeding. Neither of mine would ever take bottles at all, so that did cause heartache. At 8 months or so they would drink from a cup so things got easier in that regard.

You point out that babies need carrying, but young toddlers still need a lot of carrying too - even when they can walk they won't necessarily walk where you want them to - and they are a lot harder to carry than a newborn. And often squirm and struggle because they want to go in a different direction. (Only yesterday, dd2 was determined to climb through an electric fence and kept running towards the fence every time I put her down.)

Another point is that when a newborn is crying, they are not normally going to come to any harm if you leave them for a minute or two. Whereas when you have a toddler you often need to hurtle across the room to stop them diving off the sofa/ breaking something / grabbing a cup of coffee / pulling a sibling's hair etc etc.

When dd2 was newborn I found life much easier than I had thought it would be with a newborn plus toddler. It's definitely harder now she's toddling. But the toddler age is also more satisfying than newborn in many ways, because you do get a better degree of interaction, entertainment and funny moments.

Got to go now and give dd2 her lunch.

Oh Welshmum, i'd forgotton about the crying from 6pm onwards. You could set your watch by it

• sleep a lot during the day - yes once we got naps sorted out but then i was so tired and loenly and confused i spent the time trying to catch up on sleep but scred stiff I'd miss him waking up

- stay where you put them - yes, i admit that part was easier - just drink milk - nope, lost 16% of bodyweight, refused milk, got gastroentritus at 4 1/2 months and lost weight AGAIN, got reflux, had to have soya milk. and I spent 6 months being made to feel guilty for not BFing - can't do anything they 'shouldn't', so you don't have to worry about discipline - ah but then you will get loads of 'advice' about what they shoudl or shoudln't be doing developmentally and I used to sit and cry because he wasn't doing any of it -have simple needs: milk, cuddles, clean clothes/nappies, and can get entertainment just by watching the world go by - milk as above; cuddles, not keen only if it was to go to sleep and I was desperate for him NOT to sleep on me so i could get some rest whlie he napped; needs entertainment because they can't reach for stuff or roll over so you have to keep moving the dammed babygym.

Oh God the newborn patch is awful. I agree,

its the sheer boring repetitive awfulness of it. Its not a person, there's no love going on there its just a bundle of screams, shits and needs that you HAVE to meet.

I love toddlers! they hug you and mean it, they giggle at you and play peekaboo, they tip beer down your neck then drop my favourite pen in the bottle and laugh hysterically, they love being 'flown' through the air, you can take them to playgroups and they go of and play on their own! They do that cutest little toddle walk when they learn about putting one foot in front of the other and best of all they have their own totally unique personality. Bits of me bits of DP but mainly just DS, my cheeky, smiley little monkey!

9 definitely

14/15

maybe18

not v18 1`6

I have always thought that the worst age was the age when they want to move and just can't quite work it out, leading to frustration and many hours of screaming and having to entertain them.

I would now do that all over again if I could lose the hormonal strops I am currently suffering thro from DD1 & 2[despair emoticon].

Sooooo......worst age is the age they hit puberty.

Oooh, and the age they learn to yell "NO" at you in public for the very first time and then throw themselves on the floor in front of many horrified shoppers. THAT was so not a good age either!!!!