Other children snatching things

[Mala]

How do people deal with other children snatching things from your child. We went to the library today and dd(3)sat down at a table with some books and was "reading" them. She had a pile of three books near her. An older girl(5) came and sat by her and started snatching the book dd was reading. Dd didn't like it, but she picked up another book. Again the older girl grabbed the book off her. My dd tried to grab it back and was on the verge of tears. The other girls mother was nearby and while she might not have seen this girl grab the book from my dd, she did see her grab a book from me and chose not to say anything. In circumstance like this I always tell my dd to not retaliate and I don't say anything to the child(unless there's some sort if pushing or hitting). I think if it's a child younger than my dd doing the grabbing that it's okay, but is it right to let older children get away with things? I don't like telling other people children what to do, nor do I like saying anything to the parents. However, I don't know if not letting my child defend herself is the right thing to do. What do other people do-sorry this is very long-winded!

I tell the child that what she's doing is wrong, and ask her, politely but firmly, to give the book back. I then try to move my child away from the horrid child, if she doesn't start being nice.

Snatching is normal in a two-year-old, but not in a five-year-old (at least not without SNs).

My worst experience with this was at the local library. DS2 was maybe 15 months, and a 4 or 5-year-old girl decide she had to have all the toys, about 15 of them. She couldn't play with them, she had to just hoard them.

I explained that my DS2 would like a truck or tractor to play with, and asked her to give me one of them (didn't care which one). She sobbed, held onto all the toys, and refused to speak to me. I explained that I was going to count to five, and then take one of the tractors, if she didn't give one. She sobbed, and didn't give me one.

I counted, and gently but firmly took a tractor (she held on, sobbed, etc).

Then DS2 played with the tractor and this horrible child's mum consoled her for her trauma. The mum never said anything to me.

Poor little girl, she was in for a real shock when she started school.

(Oh, and this little girl could speak perfectly well, and didn't have any obvious SN-type-issues.)

Weird mala, this happened to me and ds (18m) in the library a few weeks ago.
A little boy who was around 2.5-3 (unsure of age)kept snatching toys and books from ds. Everything ds picked up he would snatch until he had armfuls of stuff! His mum just sat there and watched. I didn't intervine at first as I think ds has to learn how to 'interact' with others.

Then ds started to cry and I just distracted him with something else to play with. Hoping the little boy would go away with me there. He didn't! I then said in a loud voice 'come on sweetheart, let's take this toy/book and let's play over here'

I just wanted to get away from the weird child who had some sort of fascination with my ds having anything! The mum didn't say a word and was fully aware!

I have a 2.6DD and I have a friend whose 3yr old DD screams whenever my child picks up a toy and snatches toys off her. As a result I stopped going to her home and only have play dates in a neutral place or my home. Reason: I figure in her own home its up to her mother to say something but anywhere else I tell her firmly but calmly and fairly that snatching is not a nice thing to do and she must give the toy back. Then I find her something else to play with.

I find it exhausting because I sometimes have to follow then around for a while as she is one determined little minx. However, I tell my DD not to snatch so I won't allow her to do it to my child.

I don't mind telling other peoples kids off and I don't mind them telling mine off as long as it's done without anger or agression. I would say in a measured and reasonable tone, 'No, you don't snatch. DD has this books. There are plenty more over there which you can play with'.

As long as you're calm and unemotional it's fine. Sometimes I want other parents to gently let my kids know they're doing something unacceptable. It can be more effective coming from a parent. Also your dd will want to know that you are able to rule on incidents like this. I've recently had to tell a boy off in front of his lazy arse of a dad for throwing sand at smaller children in the sandpit. Several of them cried so I had to step in.

However, be warned. I once told someone's child off a little over enthusiastically when I was a new mum. This child, who was probably about 3, cracked my 1.5 year old first born on the head with a beater. I pointed viciously at his nose and hissed 'That was naughty'. His mum was furious and I have to admit it was a bit OTT.

please please be aware that a child who looks 5-6 may not be 5 or 6. my 3yr old dd2 is assumed to be 5 or 6 by most people we meet. she was asked at the age of 2 if she was joing the other children in reception.

snatching/grabbing things off another children is not on, no matter what age the child is. my dd3 isa little grabber, but i play by the same rules for all my girls, no grabbing, no snatching, no fighting.

The shouting "no" and hanging on for dear life is absolutely ok. The snatching back is understandable, but maybe not sensible? It's likely to lead to escalation, imo. Better for her to get adult help when something's been snatched, I think, at her age.

(Difficult to teach them that, though. And snatching back is worlds better than whacking the other kid on the head etc.)

It's amazing how behaviour varies among children of the same age. Alot of older children can be very protective of younger ones. I know this particular girl in the library was definately 5 as I asked her earlier when she first came to sit at the table. I was hunting around for a book and when I turned around I could see dd and the older girl hanging onto the book, but the older girl was stronger and had almost got it off dd. I walked towards the table,usually the snatcher gives back the item when they have twigged that an adult has seen them, but in this case the older girl wasn't giving way. I distracted dd and got her to let go of the book. I've noticed that some parents of snatchers see what's happening but either pretend they dont or ignore it. I don't know if they think children should sort it among themselves, can't think how they excuse their childrens behaviour. I feel like a bully saying something to someone else child, I resent having to take this role when the parent is stood a foot away.

Unfortunately, I'd say that any child of 5 who felt it was ok to snatch things off a little one is pretty much guaranteed to have at least one regular carer who doesn't ever intervene for these situations. That's how you get a child of 5 who snatches things off little ones (ignoring SN explanations here).

Snatcing is quite normal. It isn't desirable but it goes on all the time and most kids will have done it at some point or another. They learn not to when other kids stand up to them or when grown ups show their disapproval. It's more effective coming from someone else's parent.

I honeslty don't think you can expect other mums to be watching their child waiting to pounce at the slightest snatch. They've come to M&T for a break, a chat with another mum, or perhaps they have another child there to watch.

I really think we should all relax and behave more like a community gently guiding other kids through the process of socialisation in these circumstances. As long as there's no malice or anger, there's no earthly reason why you shouldn't gently tell off someone else's child.

The kids I feel sorry for at M&T are the ones whose mums are constantly on their case, two steps behind them every minute of the session. they want to be allowed to go off and experiment and that means running the gauntlet of other people and other grown ups. We are a society and we have a duty to interact with each other honestly and frankly, especially when it comes to showing an example to our kids.

I can't bear the thought that some mums might be sitting fuming because I didn't leap into action when my 3 year old took a doll from their child.

No wonder some M&T meetins are rife with tension.

I agree with spidermama. I am always happy when other people tell my kids off, as long as they do it reasonably gently, and are telling them off for something that's actually a problem.

But it is a bit weird telling off someone else's kid when the parent is right there and has seen the bad behaviour, and is watching you tell them off without comment. I can understand if they chip in a bit, or nod, or agree, or heck, even disagree. But to just stand there like a lemon and watch me tell of their kid is very weird.

Yes NQC. I would always try to nod my approval or support if I saw someone having words with my child. I probably wouldn't step in though, because I think it would be far more effective this way.

I think it's different at M&T sessions spidermama. Children who are 3 and under do snatch and like you said when there are lots of children around it's hard to always monitor yours, esp. if you are chatting to someone. In our case it was just dd and this other girl in an empty library and the mother was right there. Also this girl was not a toddler but older. I like the suggestin where floatingonthemed, says her dd says "no" in a loud voice-think I will get dd to do that. NotQuiteCockney, can't believe that mother consoling her child after such a bad display of behaviour, don't know what planet some people are on. I don't like being too precious about this sort of thing, but I do want my dd to be able to defend herself and also not let her down by my behaviour.