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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

PLEASE tell me what the deal is with dummies??

32 replies

oranges · 19/06/2006 00:45

Are they lifesavers, stopping baby crying and stopping cot death, or are they tools for lazy parents. I've been harangued this weekend for both not using a dummy and saying I may consider one for ds, who is 4 months.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

VVVQV · 19/06/2006 00:50

Dummies are one of those things that people/parents use to judge how good a parent they are.

It can go both ways. My DD used one up until she was about 2. Id rather she didnt, but on many occasions i was glad that she did.

DS has never liked them, which is great for many reasons, however, there have been lots of occasions where i have wished that he would take one.

They are neither good nor evil. They are just a choice. Generally the baby makes the choice, i find.

hunkermunker · 19/06/2006 00:51

I see them as something some parents use, because some babies need them.

I don't like seeing them in a baby's mouth all day.

I loathe seeing a toddler with one in whilst playing.

But for sleep times - no problem, IMO. Both my babies have found their digits relatively young so I've not had to use a dummy - but I'm not anti them - I have a couple somewhere I bought before DS1 was born in case he needed one.

psychomum5 · 19/06/2006 00:52

Life savers if you have a baby that cries lots and will only settle with a dummy, meaning peace for a few mins.

I hate dummies (or should I say hated) as it saved my DD2 and DS2's lives in that if they hadn't had them I may just had killed them (I AM only joking, but believe me when you are sleep deprived and have mastitis you are pushed to the limits sometimes.......then you use them)

each to there own, and if your son doesn't ned one then don't get one, but if you think he does, then do. they are not for lazy parents, they are for babies who like comfort!!!

Original poster

oranges · 19/06/2006 00:54

ds manages to find his hand and ram it into his mouth. So does that mean he does not need a dummy? He only falls asleep though if someone is holding him. And do you think the evidence that it reduces cot death is valid? I have an Avent one lurking in the cupboard, as yet unused. I vaguely feel I'd rather he sucked something that gave him some nutrition too (i.e me)?

OP posts:

VVVQV · 19/06/2006 00:56

Apparently so oranges (regarding cot death research). But it relates to babies who use dummies all the time and not just occasionally i believe. It is perceived to continue a reflex that keeps the baby breathing or jerking them out of a very deep sleep or something like that.

psychomum5 · 19/06/2006 01:00

and FWIW, DD1 sucked her thumb from 12wks, and still does at 12yrs without us being able to take it away!

DD2 gave her dummy away thro bribery on her third b/day, two weeks later stuck in her thumb, and ther it still stays.....

DD3 sucked her blanket, as did DS1...so DS2 got a dummy.. gave his to father xmas at 3.6yrs, and is the only one now who is 'suckless' as it were.

Soooo....if they are going to suck something for comfort, there isn't much you can do about it however much you don't like it. The only thing is...thumbs are more cute and acceptable but so much harder to stop[given up trying to emoticon]!

olek · 19/06/2006 01:04

I personally dont like dummies. But they are prefferetial to your baby using you or your patner as the dummy (ie on the breast or keeping your finger in.)

MY dh and i used to walk up and down with our finger in our dd mouth, very proud that we werent using a dummy . With our ds i did use one between 2 and four months as he needed to suck to settle (if he was on me he would need to be burped...so wouldnt get him to sleep)

I followed Claire Brydam(?) Cook's advise on dummies. After 4 months they can find their thumb if they need it. I like not using a dummy as i feel as i am more in tune with his needs - when he cries i feel i know better what he is up to. THat being said, he is a very easy baby, and certainly colicky and whingey babies should have one, for their sakes as well as yours

CristinaTheAstonishing · 19/06/2006 01:05

Ignore and do what you feel is best for the moment. If your DS is 4 months old it's unlikely it will interefere with breastfeeding. They get comfort from it, so why not? DS had a dummy, DD doesn't. Different babies, different needs.

Tortington · 19/06/2006 01:05

if it would have shut my kids up - i would have used them IN A SECOND

my kids wouldnt use them - and i tried - oh i tried.

if it saves your sanity - then why the hell not. judge lest ye shall not be judged

Original poster

oranges · 19/06/2006 01:06

That's the problem. How do you spot a whingy baby? I think mine is fine but blasted in-laws keep going on about how 'difficult' he is, and that I should give a dummy. Thanks for all the info, btw

OP posts:

CristinaTheAstonishing · 19/06/2006 01:07

Your in-laws spend less time with your DS than you do, so if YOU think he's fine, ignore them. That's what I'd do, at any rate.

hunkermunker · 19/06/2006 01:10

How bloody rude of them, Oranges. Sounds like they are the difficult ones

Original poster

oranges · 19/06/2006 01:11

oh don't get me started. i'm sitting here with a glass of wine, fuming about various things related to mil.

OP posts:

olek · 19/06/2006 01:12

i used to ask how will i know when im in labour and its not braxton hicks. Well, when it came, I KNEW!!

sometimes its inconvient not using a dummy, eg im in the park and ds wants to sleep. i wish i could give him a dummy but if dd saw she wants it, and im not starting at 2.5 yrs. What usually ends up is a friend watches dd whilst i do one circuit of the park to get ds to sleep.

thumb seems more hygenic then dummy

bizzi · 19/06/2006 09:26

Agree with psychomum, a thumb is for life (I'm nearly 40 . My aunt is nearly 60 ) DD1 still sucks hers at 8, DS gave his dummy away at 2.4 and DD2 has never sucked.
Also, dummies are easier to control. DS had his for car journeys and bed, we were strict with those boundaries and he totally accepted them because the rules never changed.

JonesTheSteam · 19/06/2006 09:43

Don't see anything wrong with them, personally, as long as they don't have them in all day long.

DS (now 2.9) has his at nap-times / bed-time / long car journeys. And if he is ill. And that's it.

I'd rather they have a dummy than suck their thumb.

Elibean · 19/06/2006 09:51

My dd had one from about 2 months to 6 months, and has never sucked her thumb (wouldn't have minded if she did). We gave it to her because she had reflux/colic and was sooo miserable, it helped a lot - just to get to sleep, only time we used it/she wanted it. We took it away when she started waking up wanting it in the night (having slept through previously) and it took a bit longer getting her to sleep for two nights, then that was it.

But I'm a firm believer in babies being different and having different needs...sorry, not much help, but I don't think there's a wrong or right on this one!

Tatties · 19/06/2006 09:57

Agree with VVVQV, the baby makes the choice. We used a dummy with ds for sleep times between 7wks and 3mths. During that time it was magic at getting him to sleep and meant that he dp could put him down for a nap. But at around 3mths, he just started pulling it out every time we gave it. So we decided not to offer it any more, as it was no longer doing its job! Ds went back to bf to sleep, but that's another story...

Totally understand how you feel about them, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. We were called 'cruel' for taking the dummy away - even though we knew ds didn't want it any more. If you think your ds needs one, try it. But you might find he gains no comfort from it at all!

mawbroon · 19/06/2006 10:01

\link{http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/concerns/pacifier.html\dummies and breastfeeding} from Kellymom.com which is a fab breastfeeding site.

This was reason enough for me not to use one with ds.

vickiyumyum · 19/06/2006 10:15

ds1 used a dummy from 2 weeks old until 3 years old (from 6 months only at night time and in bed) and he was fully breastfed until 5 months and then b/f for milk from then on until he was 14 months old so def not interfering with b/f

ds2 never had a dummy, i tried but he would just spit it out so didn't bother (not sure if it is a coincidence but he is my worst sleeper)

dd has had a dummy from about 3 days old, i wasn't going to even try a dummy for her as hadn't used one for ds2 and was out of practice, but she was so sucky, constantly on my boob all day and would scream when you put her down that i got dh to go to the baby shop in the hospital and buy a dummy, sterilised it gave it to her and oh the relief to not have her crying was fantastic. shes now 13 weeks and still has adummy, but increasingly she is finding her hand and sucking on that (whilst holding on to either her dress or a muslin cloth!!)and rejecting the dummy, so i think she is going to be a thumb sucker!
all of my children have been b/f and the one i had the most problems with was ds2 and he was the only one not to have a dummy, he kept rejecting me, but did eventually realise if he didn't take from me he wasn'tgetting anything and we b/f for 9 months.

Riddo · 19/06/2006 10:45

dd had dummy from a few hours old as my nipples were so sore but it didn't interfere with breast feeding at all. She had a good feed every couple of hours or so for the first few weeks and I fed her until she was six months.

She was very dependant on it though for getting to sleep and comfort and we didn't finally get rid of it until she was 5.

ds ditched his earlier because I was stricter on when he was allowed to have it (ie only in bed) from twoish onwards.

Elibean · 19/06/2006 13:08

Interestingly, dd had problems with bf initially but her best feeding was between 2 months and 4 months. She had the dummy from 2 monhts to 6 months.

wannaBe1974 · 19/06/2006 15:34

ignore your Mil she's an interfeering old bat and it has nothing to do with her.

I personally don't like dummies but believe that people should do what they feel is best for their baby. My ds found his thumb at 9 weeks and ironically slept through the night from the day he found it. The advantage of this was that he could put his thumb in his mouth when he woke in the night, and I didn't have to go in to replace a dummy that had fallen out. But I can totally understand that for someone whose baby screams constantly, a dummy can be a good comforter. My Mil is so anti dummy that she said that she would "rather listen to a baby screaming all night than give it a dummy".

PanicPants · 19/06/2006 15:45

When pg I was adament that ds would NOT have a dummy, within 2 weeks we went out and bought the bloody thing, and then tried hard for ds to take it, i.e., holding it in his mouth etc. But no dice. He would not take it at all.

By 6 weeks he'd settled down and has slept through the night from about 4 months without any dummies or anything else to suck on.

So overall I don't like dummies, but I know full well how desparate you can be, and if ds would have taken it, I'd have gladly let him have one.

warthog · 19/06/2006 19:40

at your mil wannabe!

dummies can be such a comfort. i was anti-dummies until i had my dd. she used me as a dummy for hours and hours. at 2.5 weeks i tried one, she sucked it voraciously and we've both been happy ever since. mind you, at 4 months she only has it to go to sleep now. i used to distract her if she wanted it and it wasn't sleep time. i plan to let her have it for as long as she needs, or til she's a toddler, whichever comes first.

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