2omonth DS is driving me nuts>>>.Am i a bad parent?

[charlieplus3]

Now this is gonna sound horrible, but im sure my ds hates me. She constantly winges, more so when her dad is around as he pampers to her every whim. Makes it harder for me when hes not around.

I cant give her the attention shes used too cos of DS but i do try.

Often i end up putting her in her cot cos her winging winds me up so much that i feel like im gonna snap. Which i did this morning, just eneded up shouting at her which i never do.

When i go back to her after a few mins shes fine, but i dont want to be a horrible mum who threatens her with the cot.

Im so miserable today, dont think i can do this anymore. I havnt got enough of me to go round

If you are at home with your children all day, have you ever considered they might be bored? Perhaps, as Aloha is suggesting, it would be good for you all to get a break from eachother for at least a few hours a day? Try looking into some childcare or perhaps go back to work. I know I would go mad staying at home with my children all day. Of course your child doesn't hate you, but it seems to me that some "fresh air" for both of you might be a good idea

It does work getting out but she doesnt go off and play just sticks by my side. As for childcare one she wont stay with anyone, believe me when i say weve tried but its not worth the upset.

We are trying a nursery in May when she is 2 for a few afternoons, but its expensive and im not working so if im at home surley she should be with me.

She is lovely really just very demanding of both ours attention. Which we give as much as humanly possible.

I think maybe its just all exaggerated at mo cos im feeling so tired and down.

Ho old are your children again? your daughter is 20months and you have son too? Is that right? How old is your son.
Life becomes a lot easier if you ditch your 'shoulds'. Why 'should' your dd be with you if you are both happier with her at nursery a few afternoons a week? thinking about what you 'should' do is usually a recipe for misery. I do think you sound depressed and I do think it would benefit you to to go to your doctor and talk about it. In the meantime, re: the wingeing, some things I do that work are:
First offer a drink and/or a snack. At that age thirst can make a child very grumbly but they don't realise they are thirsty. I find a drink is often a miraculous mood lifter and it is my first resort if my son gets whingey.
2 snack - see above. Less important than a drink, but a bowl of raisins and breadsticks can cheer him up and give you a break
3 Telly and a snuggle - put on a video or Cbeebies, make yourself a cup of tea, sit child on your lap and cuddle them tight while you drink tea and flick through Heat.
4 visit a friend. Very good and useful way to get out of the house and distract children which enjoying some adult company
5 Invite a friend over. Distraction as above plus no hassle getting out of door
6 Really try to understand why they are complaining. Try to think yourself into their shoes. It may be something you can help with pretty immediately
7 Read a story to your children.
But as I said, I do think you sound in a spiral of gloom that may need a little more to shift it.
Why is your dp texting nasty things about you?

Charlieplus - you say your daughter won't stay with anyone and that she clings to your side. I think it's pretty safe to say she loves you very, very much.

Hi CP3, sorry got lost yesterday after the MN collapse! I am taking Cipralex, and certainly have not felt at all like a zombie. In fact feel more alert, have stpooed forgetting things, and feel that I am making decisions better, because the dragging effect of depression has gone. I did feel a bit sick on a couple of mornings to begin with. I think there is an AD that you can take when bf, so don't be afraid to discuss it all with your doctor. Pregnancy really can have this affect on your brain, and ADs can help get it back to normal. Sunchowder explains it properly on another thread. I have been doing a brilliant job of appearing to cope and not talking to anyone about this, and now wish i had addressed it properly much earlier.Good luck with ypour appointment this afternoon.

typos=bad typist, not zombie (I hope )

Hi aloha. Ds is nearly 5 months so a 15month gap.
Was angry at DP cos late home from meeting as in 3 hrs and a little worse for the drink. Said he tried to get back sooner, i dont call going on a jolly trying.

Doc said:
im sleep depraved (as are all parents)
Im stressed
i put too much on myself
i worry too much
i have seperation anxiaety(from Sophia)
i need to take time out
ineed to go out with dp so relationship doesnt suffer
Sophia is a normal toddler who doesnt know that mummy feels tired or stressed
im normal, all my feelings are normal
im run down but i dont have pnd but go back if still feel bad in a few weeks

Thats good news isnt it? I think.

charlieplus3
Have just caught up with your thread. It sounds JUST like me about 3 years ago. I'm now "out the other side", but I know it feels like a big black hole for what seems like years.

How are you sleeping? My sleep pattern was shot to pieces, and I was absolutely exhausted. My gp suggested that dh took the reins every other w/end while I took nightnurse - or equivalent - and knocked myself out. Dp grumbled like mad, but 2 nights sleep did help.

I've recently "qualified" as a Homestart volunteer; Homestart are a charity who send out volunteers - who are also parents - to lend a hand for a few hours a week in families where the going is tough. Either just as a friend or an active hands on helper. Ask your HV if you can refer yourself to them.

CP3, I've been reading this thread for some time but didn't post before - I really feel for you. I found the first six months of dd2's life really hard going (and I seriously worry about dd1's affections and that she prefers her dad). Hang on in there. It's a tough job, but you are getting through. I'm soooo glad about the doc

DP is being out of order if you ask me.

xxxxxx

I agree with Motherinferior - you do need some sleep. How do you sort out sleep in your house? Your dp needs to take over for at least one night a week (my dh and I shared it totally and I think that's what kept me halfway sane). I think the Homestart idea is great. You need some help. Nursery for your dd - great, arrange it. Give yourselves as many breaks as you can. Do you have any family who can help you? Mum? MIL? Anyone?
How are you feeling today?

ooh Spooky. Guess what i had a phone call this morning from Reading college asking if i would like a trainee nursery nurse for two days a week to help me out. I said yes immediatly as you cam imagine. Its from Feb till June.

As for the sleep i havnt had a full night since Sophia was born, but i thought i was used to it. I think a few goodnights sleep will set me right. I do get very down if tired.

My Doc says i still have a sense of humour which is good, so thats why he doesnt think its Pnd as im not too down on myself. I do always try and make a joke out of stuff.

Thanks everyone for all your great advice

oh yeah and dp does help alot but also works 12 hr days. he was out of order with that text but think it was meant affectionly, after all he doesnt know what kind of mood im in from one day to the next

charlieplus - get the nursery nurse to take both kids out for a walk somewhere and grab some time for yourself. It sounds like the offer has come at just the right time for you.

Shes not aloud totake them out on her own unfotunatley as only training but still will be a great help. I can at least go upstairs for a read or something.

CP3: this is all excellent news! well done, and I'm glad your doctor was so helpful and supportive. Put that list from your doctor on the fridge door or somewhere else that your DP will see it!
Good luck with the helper: that sounds great, cos even if she can't take the children out, I think the whole burden of doing everything alone all the time is a stress in itself.

don't you DARE do the housework! lock yourself in the bathroom and pamper yourself

oh go on lisa, just a little dust.

Gonna give Sophia some quality time aswell, but yes this is just what i need, plus DP and i have sat down and worked out when i want to go to gym or spa and he promises to try and get home in time so i can have an hour away from everything(and thats without me telling him that i thought i had pnd)

Also charlie once you've had her for a few sessions and if she seems OK she would make an excellent babysitter for if you and DP want a night out.