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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Won't wear buttons

27 replies

rainbowfairy · 13/04/2006 21:39

My ds (4) has refused to wear anything with buttons since about the age of 2, although he will wear trousers with them on. I don't know why he won't wear them, we haven't done or said anything to frighten him. I am worried now that he will be starting school in september of this year and he will need to wear polo shirts. I tried about a month ago putting some buttons of his favourite colours in a box and letting him play with them ( saw this on a website once) and he was very happy to play with these, even saying i like buttons, but as soon as i try to give him a top he screams and the usual i don't like buttons starts. Someone please help i just don't know the answer.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sammac · 13/04/2006 21:43

Someone in dd's class is like this too. They are now 12. Hold on and I'll ask her what he did instead of shirts.

sammac · 13/04/2006 21:47

Well, the good news is now that the boy does wear shirts with buttons, so maybe that's something to go on.

His mum eventually just chopped the buttons of the school polo shirts- most of the time you wouldn't know 'cos it was under a sweatshirt. Sometimes the mum managed to find vnecked polos, but I think she talked to the head so it was fine.

Original poster

rainbowfairy · 13/04/2006 21:47

ok thanks

OP posts:

peaches27 · 13/04/2006 22:44

He may actually change his mind when he sees the other kids with shirts with buttons on. Peer pressure is quite powerful. But dont worry about it, take the buttons off. Explain to the teacher if you find it necessary and if she is nice. (I used to be an early years teacher, and would have been supportive if I had been informed). What about a toy ... teddy, rag doll or action man or whatever with buttons on clothes. Does that bother him? Just keep getting the buttons out for play so he doesnt get phobic about them. You could make collage pictures with them, maybe with an outline of a person and get him to stick the buttons where he thinks they should go.

Going to school is traumatic enough without having a scene about something so small. Im sure, as someone else suggested, that if you search hard enough you may find polo shirts without buttons with just a vented v neck or even poppers.

stoppinattwo · 14/04/2006 05:56

i think Next still do a polo shirt with a little zipper insted of buttons

cece · 14/04/2006 07:54

I won't wear them either. Have a phobia and have done ever since I can remember. My mum used to take them off of my skirts and replace with hook and eye.

At secondary school we had to wear proper shirts. I used to never undo mine and just slip it on over my head. Sleeves always rolled up under jumper... It was awful.

My DD has to wera polo shirts for school but she just has them undone or does them up herself. Her summer dresses have zips!

Elibean · 14/04/2006 11:32

DD (2) has a thing about buttons - doesn't mind them on cardigans/coats but hates shirts/blouses or t-shirts with buttons at the front. I'd never come across this before, and was wondering what on earth it was about...glad we're not alone!

I like peaches idea of making collages etc....DD has actually said she's 'scared' of buttons, so we play with them as much as possible to make them less scary.

Elibean · 14/04/2006 11:36

And for some reason, she doesn't mind buttons at the top of a t-shirt if not done up...I wish I understood better.

Original poster

rainbowfairy · 15/04/2006 18:39

Thanks everyone for your advice, Peaches27 you have me given some great ideas thanks.

OP posts:

threebob · 17/04/2006 05:26

My friends dd will not wear buttons either - she was very early dressing herself so I presumed she disliked them because she couldn't do them herself and so refused to wear them so she wouldn't have to be helped.

2Happy · 17/04/2006 09:00

Rainbowfairy, check out the number one phobia on \link{http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4849832.stm\this} list of phobias. It's a bizarre but relatively common fear called koumpounophobia. My dsis and df both have it. dsis still will not wear buttons, though jeans buttons are ok (which seems fairly common to people with koumpounophobia). Your ds may well grow out of it, but if he doesn't he's not alone!

Original poster

rainbowfairy · 17/04/2006 18:57

Just had a look at the list, wow I didn't realize there was so many people with this phobia, it's good to know that ds is not alone. although i am not sure if it is a phobia at moment because he is only 4, i know kids do go through some funny stages. Still time will tell, will continue to talk and show him buttons. Also just ordered some polo shirts for school with zips, Next still do them.

OP posts:

Yafta · 17/04/2006 19:23

Rainbowfairy, my ds started school last september with a fear of uttons. He still refuses to wear anything at all with buttons, but his polo shirts have buttons. I simply told him that that was the school uniform, it was the law that he had to go to school & to wear unifrom (slight untruth!). He grudgingly accepted this, and wore them. He still takes them off the minute he gets home though.

It is getting harder to fing things like trousers and shorts without buttons.

Original poster

rainbowfairy · 18/04/2006 09:37

ok thanks for that (smile)

OP posts:

cece · 18/04/2006 09:46

This is amazing I thought I was the only one!

Apart from my close family no one else knew of my phobia for many years. I finally 'came out' when I was first pg as I feared people buying me baby clothes with buttons on. Everyone was very kind. And knitters put poppers on the little cardis they did for me instread of the b word.

Furball · 18/04/2006 09:49

LOL at the sentence 'my wife still has to carefully choose what clothes she buys as not to upset me' - whats wrong with buying your own clothes!!

silverbirch · 18/04/2006 11:34

I thought my dd (6) was the only one too!
I think it started when I got her hair caught
in a button on a T shirt when she was really
little - you know, the way toddler T-shirts
often have a button at the back. She used to scream and scream if I tried to put heer in anything with a button. Fortunately
some school dresses have zips rather than
buttons and her school uniform is a sweatshirt
and a white polo shirt so it works without the buttons.

Dd has loved the Vikings ever since she discovered
they used brooches instead of buttons so you can always use a button aversion as a way of insilling an interest in history in your son!

Also since dressing up in clothes from different
periods she has become less fanatically anti- button. She still prefers no buttons but will
tolerate them if it means wearing something
special.

Original poster

rainbowfairy · 19/04/2006 21:10

Just found this, i found it quite useful \link{http://timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8124-1540804_1,00.html}

OP posts:

rainbowfairy · 19/04/2006 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

rainbowfairy · 19/04/2006 21:19

Nope still don't know how to send a link, anyway have copied it now, hope this is ok :)

Button up? It's way too scary
Dr Jane Collins, The Times paediatric consultant, answers readers questions

For the past year, my three- year-old daughter has had a phobia about buttons and poppers. She has screaming fits if I try to put her in clothes with them on and she refuses to cuddle anyone wearing buttons, including me. She can’t tell me why she is frightened. I have avoided buying things with buttons or poppers, but as she gets bigger this is becoming more difficult. Reward charts and bribery have failed! What can I do?
Alison Martin, Northampton

It’s not unusual for children of this age to have specific and intense fears. As you say, it is difficult to know why your daughter has developed such a fear. It may be that she once caught her skin in a button or popper that pinched, and she associates them with discomfort.

Reassure her that you know she will be able to get over this problem. You need to help her to face it in a gradual way over time. You could start by collecting pretty buttons in a box, choosing colours and designs that might appeal to her. At first, she might only tolerate being in the same room as the box. You could then try lifting the lid and encouraging her to look.

As she becomes familiar with the buttons, encourage her to play with them. For instance, you could string them together to make a necklace. You could also line them up, put a raisin on each one and encourage her to eat the raisins.

When you feel she is ready, try introducing buttons on her clothes again.

OP posts:

KimJ · 19/06/2006 13:32

Hi everyone on this thread.
My name is Kim Jones. I am a journalist who has just placed a posting on the media requests page of mumsnet (see posting entitled (WHAT'S YOUR CHILD SCARED OF?) as I am writing an article for a newspaper about children's everyday fears and phobias. I want to interview someone who has a child with a button phobia/fear/dislike - and I have read in your postings that this is the case for you. I wonder if you would be willing to talk more about it - and perhaps be included in the article. People that are included will be paid a thankyou fee by the newspaper. (by the way my own son has this phobia and that's why I wanted to write about it but I can't be included in the piece unfortunately! ) anyway would be great to hear from you - you can email me at [email protected]
Many thanks.

mawbroon · 19/06/2006 14:40

When I was little, buttons on clothes didn't bother me, but my Mum had a button box with all sorts of odd buttons that she cut off old clothes. Raking through the button box would make me gag and wretch. I never told my Mum about this when I was small, probably because I was scared of being told not to be ridiculous. She would often ask me to fetch her a button when she was sewing.

I remember that there were some of these ones that you could cover with material yourself and a couple of them were covered in big hairy material which made me feel particularly sick.

I seem to have grown out of it, although I do feel a bit squemish typing about it. My DH thinks I am loopy for this, but I can show him that I'm not alone!

Needless to say, I don't have a button box myself!

KimJ · 19/06/2006 17:04

You're definitely not alone mawbroon! I've come across lots of sites featuring this topic wilst ressearching this article. My ds 2 is refusing to wear them at the moment so he's another one to add to the list!

cece · 19/06/2006 17:20

This phobia does have a specific name but not sure what it is! I have had the phobia since childhood - I could ask my mum if she would talk to you?????

KimJ · 19/06/2006 17:42

Thanks Cece, but for this particular article my ed wants mums of small kiddies who have the phobia now.
But the adult angle is something that would make another interesting feature at another time, cece. Would you, perhaps, be willing to share your story if I did something along those lines?

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