Upset by health visitor

[catfan]

I took my 16 month old son to be weighed by the health visitor. Wasn't feeling concerned about his development until health visitor said his speech was delayed. He does only have about 5 words but babbles constantly. She said I should read to him more. I read the whole time - she said obviously not in the right way (???) He is very active - running around, climbing etc. He points the whole time and communicates very effectively by that means. Could it be that is taking the place of words? Am I a bad mother for not worrying until now?

[LeBFG]

Yes, I can see how HV or whatever might be concerned about delays in general communication (of which actual language may play a part) but it does seem simplistic to be worried specifically about language delay (i.e. 5 words instead of 20) in a 18mo - or am I missing something?

[LeBFG]

premature, rather than simplistic

[SamSmalaidh]

I don't think 5 words in a 16 month old would be considered delayed - Lotta?

[BalloonSlayer]

OP, my DD was delayed re speech and she had virtually no words at 2 years old.

Have a look at this.

Enjoy your lovely boy and stop worrying.

[SamSmalaidh]

I think we are talking about language delay rather than disorder though, aren't we? Some children's language is delayed and giving parents tips on how to help their child's language development does help many children with delays to catch up - that's not to say children have language delays due to neglect.

[TheFallenMadonna]

My child was referred before the age of two. There are things which raise concerns before that age, and I'm glad they were noted. However, they are not down to not being read to in the right way...

Unfortunately, on the basis of the OP's one post, it's a bit tricky to dismiss it as a crazy HV.

[SamSmalaidh]

No I agree, the OP's child does not sound delayed at all - they sound bang on normal. But if a 2 year old is still only using 5 words, is it not sensible to suggest things the parents can do at home to help?

[SirBoobAlot]

Think your HV was at the very least clumsy with her words.

FWIW DS was slightly behind at two. Now he's nearly three, and is very advanced. They change and develop at a breath taking pace. Keep doing what you're doing. You're not a bad mother.

[LeBFG]

I think OP's post is clear that she had no worries before the visit. So the words in isolation do seem to have prompted the HV's comments.

I agree with zzzz idea that a bit too much is centred around 'what parents can do'. If they are in a loving, normal enviroment, they are getting all the stimulation they need surely? Surely real language delays must be caused by factors outside the parents' control - glue ear, SEN etc?

(off topic: reminds me of all the talk about tummy time, to help stimulate what exactly? They'll tell all sorts of stuff from turning over and developing lateral vision for reading and writing like these things don't develop normally in most DC without tummy time).

[SamSmalaidh]

LeBFG - it is fair to say that some things parents do/provide can aid their children's language development, eg. children from homes with little TV, lots of interaction, lots of books/resources have more advanced speech at 2, even when controlling for social class.

[hazeyjane]

But what has that got to do with a child that seems to be developing at a normal pace, and who has parents who read, interact and do all the things suggested. What is the point of a HV worrying a mother by saying her child is delayed and not doing things in the 'right way'?

[LeBFG]

More advanced with stimulation - yes, perhaps. But will speech be actually delayed if parental input isn't as high as it might be?

[Lottapianos]

'But will speech be actually delayed if parental input isn't as high as it might be?'

Yes. Not for every child but definitely for some. Parents have a huge role to play in communication development and not everyone is aware of how to best support their child's development in this area. Professionals have a responsibility to advise parents and to make them aware of the support that is available through Children's Centres for example. It is possible to do this without terrifying parents or making them feel inadequate.

For example, a child who has delayed language skills may communicate mostly by pointing at things they want, because they don't know the words yet. The parent may feel they are helping by refusing to give the child what they want and waiting for them to say/copy the word. The parent thinks they are doing the right thing but it's not helpful and will result in a very distressed child and a very frustrated parent. A parent in this situation needs advice about what to do instead to reduce frustration and help the child to learn.

Children can't develop language all by themselves - they need adults to actually talk to them. This is the most natural thing in the world for some parents, but an absolute revelation for some - honestly!

[SamSmalaidh]

The term "poor parenting" is a bit harsh! When a child has a speak delay, parents can often change what they are doing/do something new to help their child's language development catch up .

[Lottapianos]

zzzzz, it's not a conclusion I would jump to. I work with many children with language disorders and their parents' skills and enthusiasm vary hugely. I saw a little boy recently with language delay - his mum was fully engaged, interested, asked me loads of questions and was warm and affectionate with her son. I got the impression that she would do just about anything if she felt it would help his development. He's making great progress, as you would expect

On the other hand, I work with parents who virtually never speak to their children other than 'do this' and 'do that', never play with them, stick them in front of the iPad/iPhone/DVD/TV all day long, and never show them any affection. All of the initial support we provide for children like these involves developing their parents' skills - they are the people who spend most time with the child and there is so much they can do to make a difference to that child's development.

I hope that hasn't made things even more cryptic! I guess in short, whatever the cause of the child's language delay, the person who can have most impact on change is always the parent and my job is to make them aware of how important their role is and to help them develop the skills they need.

[matana]

But all this aside, and getting back to the OP, 5 words at 16 months is not delayed! DS seemed a little slower at first to acquire words (though still around average), but at 23 months his range is above average. We read to him every night and have done since he was a newborn, he gets plenty of stimulation at his CM and interaction with us in the evenings and at weekends, but he did it in his own time - as do most children. It's the same with walking. Just because you encourage a child to begin walking, praise them, stand them on their feet etc. they will only do it when they are ready.

Of course i am speaking about most children and not those with genuinely delayed speech or motor skills.

[hazeyjane]

You see, Lotta,

'I got the impression that she would do just about anything if she felt it would help his development. He's making great progress, as you would expect'

that sentence, I have a little problem with, because you know, I feel the same way about my son, and I read to him, and sing to him and sign and do all the things I did with my early talking dds, but he is still severely delayed, and not making great progress.

[TheFallenMadonna]

My DD made very little progress with me in the 13 months she had to wait between being assessed for SALT and actually getting it. I was engaged, followed all the advice of the assessing SALT, but she didn't make progress. Had I thought the SALT she eventually saw thought I had been ditching her in front of the television for a year, I would have felt wretched.

[Lottapianos]

TheFallenMadonna, please dont' worry. It's blindingly obvious to professionals when a parent is engaged and doing their very best as you clearly are, and when they are not. Language disorder is a huge and very complex area and there are so many factors to consider. Progress with language disorders is much slower than with children whose language skills are just delayed for their age.

I didn't want to upset anyone with my comment about the mum I saw recently so i'm really sorry if I have done. The vast majority of parents I work with are not engaged with professionals or with their child, have little empathy with their child, no understanding of a parent's role in play and language development, poor uptake of services and often very little enthusiasm for making changes to help their child. Its been useful for me to hear from parents who are working really hard to support their child but so far are not seeing the results they would have hoped for. I appreciate how frustrating and sad that must be.