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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

too many kisses?

46 replies

mollymaid · 09/03/2006 18:07

My dd is nearly 5, has just started school and seems to love boys! She really giggles around them and is always blowing them kisses and loves it if they kiss her. My dh is tearing his hair out as he thinks this is a precursor to her becoming a floozy(!) whilst I tend to think its just a natural phase at this age. Can anyone let me know if their dds are the same. Her best friend is the total opposite and seems obssessed with dogs and cats rather than boys! Is she too young to have such an interest? My dh shouted at her tonight and told her to stop kissing boys and she got really upset. I don't want it to become a big issue.

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footiemad · 10/03/2006 09:53

Twiglet,totally agree.
nightynight,can't believe your opinion! but it is your right.sorry.

Doesn't anyone remember playing kiss chase? did it affect you as an adult? i don't think so!!!
My Ds's play it, one minute they like girls the next they don't, normal part of growing up.

Mollymaid,sorry but your DH attitude has me.What sort of message is he giving to DD."I'm the only man your allowed to love", god help her when she gets a boyfriend!

foxinsocks · 10/03/2006 09:56

dd and all her mates (aged 5 and 6) play kiss chase in the playground

Nightynight · 10/03/2006 12:54

I didnt go through this phase. Other children played kisschase, I didnt.
Fortunately, kissing does not seem to be an accepted norm at my childrens school in France, never seen them playing kiss chase there.

as I said before, different families, different norms. You stick to yours, Ill stick to mine. Little girls kissing around is not acceptable among my children's families.

Nightynight · 10/03/2006 13:01

footiemad, the message is not "Im the only man you are allowed to love", it is "You are worth more than being kissed by all the boys in your class"

pfcm · 10/03/2006 13:34

i have just read with interest this topic. my dd played kiss chase when she was in reception (aged 5-6). It was just a game where the girls tried to catch some boys and kiss them but they hardly ever caught them because the boys would run off! It wasn't everyday, and now that dd is in year one, she has gone off this game and is now into something else. It didn't bother me and i just put it down to social development.

Mimsie · 10/03/2006 16:19

I suppose nighty in France we kiss people everyday so it's not something "funny" for the kids to do...

DS is brought up in england and it's quite a normal playground game.

I certainly would rather see them play kiss chase that push chase!

Original poster

mollymaid · 10/03/2006 18:28

I read with interest all your responses - thank you. I think some of you are being abit harsh on dh though bless him - he adores his little girl (and she adores him) and he only wants the best for her. He is an absolutely fantastic dad and generally then have a wonderful relationship. OK he misjudged this one but no one supplies a manual for bringing up children and she is our first so this is all new to us! I told him to relax about it all and he was assured by all your messages that its just a phase. Mind you, I agree that god help dd when she is 18 - there is not a man on earth that he would approve of!

OP posts:

crazydazy · 10/03/2006 19:13

My DP is exactly the same with DD mollymaid, he said she can't go out with boys until she's 27 fat chance!!!

Littlefish · 10/03/2006 19:25

Very normal phase in Reception in my experience (former Reception teacher). It can get a little out of hand at times, and I have sometimes spoken to a whole class about the fact that not everyone likes to be kissed all the time!

harpsichordcarrier · 10/03/2006 19:31

crazydazy my dh says 32
it used to be 30 but he is toughening up

footiemad · 10/03/2006 19:51

Nightynight,sorry if i offended you but your attitude astounds me.
how can you say "little girls kissing around is not acceptable", when in your culture you are showing them that it is acceptable to kiss everyone you meet,double standards or have i missed the point?
Also, "your worth more than being kissed by all the boys in the class" i'd be worried if no-one wanted to kiss them.. HELLO its harmless fun!!!!

WigWamBam · 10/03/2006 19:54

Nightynight, I'd agree with you if the child was a teenager - but at this age I don't think it's anywhere near the same. You talk of "kissing around" and being "worth more" as if it's something promiscuous - but it's little children playing, there is nothing sexual about it. It seems a real shame to be seeing something sordid about innocent playground games.

footiemad · 10/03/2006 19:54

btw. my Ds's are'nt allowed to date until the're 30. With all these floosies around!!!!!!!!
[Runs for cover]

Sparklemagic · 10/03/2006 20:17

well said Wiggie - any adult making those sorts of remarks to a child (kissing 'around', being worth more) are sexualising what is not actually at all sexual in the minds of the children. It's a group game, that's all, and I am troubled by adults who construct these grown up considerations on to innocent games of childhood. Getting a reputation / being worth more - at 5??????????? It really is just a case of adults imposing age-inappropriate constructions on children's behaviour. It makes me sad, as I'd love to think that kids can go through these natural stages with the carefree freedom they should.

mancmum · 10/03/2006 20:21

I would worry about anyone who gave a girl the term floozy at any age -- but at 5 I think to be defining her that way is way way out of order..

Why are your defining this behaviour as sexual -- that is wrong and making her have to take on adult behaviour far before her time... kids at this age go thru loads of phases and try out different behaviour patterns but it does not dictate any future behaviour pattern...

I personally think your DH has issues about sexual stereotypes -- would he as worried if he had a DS kissing loads of girls?

mojomummy · 10/03/2006 21:18

Kiss chase at age 5 ? no thanks - I'd be up the school quicker than that.

Reason, where does it lead to ? I remember playing harmless kiss chase age 8. The boy decided he wanted us 4 girls to show him our 'dicks' The other 3 did & I ran away. All this going on in the school playing field, in 1977 !!

Sparklemagic · 10/03/2006 22:13

yes, and going on all over the country, whenever children have been playing! It's so normal, I don't know why people get like this about it. Go to the school about it? What would the school do? Tell children not to play kiss chase? Where does this end - are they not to touch eachother at all? Not to go swimming together?

And all because adults are worried that this is to do with sex. ADULTS are to do with sex, this is to do with finding your place in the world, your identity as a boy or girl, about being a carefree child.

Original poster

mollymaid · 10/03/2006 22:13

Thanks for all your views which in the main have been really helpful. However, I didn't put my question forward to be judged and criticised, I asked because I genuinely want to do the best for my children (as is the case with all of us). Why do some mumsnetters feel the need to pass personal remarks about people they know very little about?

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dionnelorraine · 11/03/2006 08:56

I agree with you mollymaid, cant stand judjemental people! my dd is only 14 mths but I wont worry when she gets to that stage, she is very happy, loving and affectionate, so her playing kiss chase when she gets older will be no suprise! My little brother was the same, he is now 12 and a great lad! I really wouldnt worry luvvy x

BudaBabe · 11/03/2006 09:24

I asked my DS did the girls chase him in school and if so what for. And he replied that yes 3 particular girls DO chase him and his friends and try to kiss them - they never catch him thos 'cos he's too fast! Now these particular girls would be more energetic/boisterous then some of the other girls and I was wondering if it is just a ploy to play a chasing game with the boys where they (the girls) are more in control. If the boys are chasing each other around it is usually to play Power Rangers or something and they play-fight or they are playing football. So maybe this way they all sort of play together but no-one gets hurt. Or am I just being far too deep???!!

Troutpout · 12/03/2006 16:40

When ds started school there were a group of girls who the boys called 'the kissy girls' ...who used to chase the boys and kiss them.
It was a phase that seemed to suddenly disappear at about 6 or 7 and certainly before they moved up to Juniors.They very much keep to their own gender now...and only a few play with the opposite sex
It's a harmless phase. I can remember playing it at school although i was a bit older.

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