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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Feel controlled by a 2 year old!

32 replies

hearts · 31/01/2006 16:32

I gave up work as a solicitor after my little girl was born - I know I have done the right thing but I do find it very hard to keep going 5 days a week on my own. She goes to playgroup a couple of hours Mon & Tues and we go to other groups/coffee mornings etc. Whenever we are at home I feel as if I can never get anything done - she wants me to do everything with her. She directs me about all the time and sometimes I think I'm going mad - how can a 34 year old ex-professional be unable to control her own toddler? I feel very drained and angry a lot of the time, although she can be an absolute angel and I am always very proud of her when we are out and about...Any tips or perhaps just moral support would be great! I do find it very hard to keep thinking of it as "just a phase" and I'll miss her when she is at school...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mummytosteven · 31/01/2006 16:34

Hello! I also chucked in being a solicitor too! I think it's very normal toddler behaviour, I'm afraid. Only way I get stuff done is to do it in the evening, or stick a video/DVD one! It's normal to be a bit irritated by the groundhog day ness and the seemingly incessant whining, but I do wonder if there is something more amiss,as you describe yourself as feeling drained and angry a lot of the time. Are you feeling generally unhappy? Would you feel better if you went back to work? Is DD sleeping OK?

colditz · 31/01/2006 16:40

You were a solicitor - not a nanny. Why would you be any more likely to be able to control a toddler than anyone else?

Toddlers are, by their very nature, pretty uncontrollable, and we mere mortals can but try.

They will one day turn into reasonable human beings if their parents are reasonable human beings, but you being reasonable when they are toddlers does not mean they will be reasonable toddlers. There is no such thing.

It is hard to see the differance between a very poorly parented toddler, and a very well parented toddler. They all behave like overindulged-yet-occasionally-badly-beaten creatures, whether they are or not.

oops · 31/01/2006 16:48

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 31/01/2006 16:50

Toddlers are mad as snakes. I have one who gets so irate if the world dares to disobey her that she was found shouting at her sister last week 'Don't do a wee! Don't! Put it back in your bottom!'

And don't feel you should be getting other stuff done. She's your job (a job I am sure you are doing very well).

oops · 31/01/2006 16:51

Message withdrawn

colditz · 31/01/2006 16:58

Yes, I would be able to run a house, raise kids, home bake and make my own curtains if I was allowed to take as much amphetamine and Valium as I wanted, too!

colditz · 31/01/2006 17:00

My 2 year old screamed at me this very morning for cleaning up some water he had spilled - he wanted to drink it, and just because it was all over the floor didn't mean he had stopped wanting to drink it.

Then he lay on top of it to prevent me cleaning it up.

beasmum · 31/01/2006 17:56

colditz, I LOVED what you said in your 4.40pm post about toddlers! perfect description and I think we all need to hang on to that idea, that how they behave is not really a reflection on their parenting at this stage!!!!!! You have summed toddlers up so well.

Hearts, if it helps you are SO not alone. I think all mothers must feel like you and it is very very hard to keep going five days a week as you say. I feel exactly the same with my three and a half year old - he will be slipping off to school this year and I can't believe how quickly it has come to this stage, but there are still days when I can't do a thing with him. I think it has helped me to accept that toddlers can't be 'controlled' so I would say forget this idea and take the pressure off yourself! All you can do is provide plenty of play and diverting activites, and strong boundaries for what is and is not acceptable. Then really you can do no more. If you can remain calm and take time out when she's being impossible, then you lose that feeling of them controlling you and start to feel in control a bit more.

I feel exactly the same about not being able to get things done in the day. I have always spent the majority of time with my son, not on housework etc, and it means lots of stuff gets put off till evenings, which is draining and tiring. I just tell myself that this isn't forever - they don't want all your attention forever.

Pre-school is brilliant too, as there definitely comes a timewhen the stimulation at home, no matter how attentive and imaginative the mum, seems no longer to be enough and you drive eachother mad! This has improved since my son has started pre-school - he appreciates home a bit more for being out of it sometimes and gets huge levels of mental stimulation not just from the activities but from the effort of leaving mum for the first time etc. I'd say use pre-school as a break from eachother and don't feel bad about it!

Though all the play and attention with me seems to have made my son very clingy to the pre-school teachers, but think I'll start another thread on that!

Good luck, you are doing a fab job. It IS hard and most mums feel just the same as you!

puddingandpie · 31/01/2006 17:57

my 2.5 year old will not let me on computer so hang in there it must get easier otherwise nobody would have kids. this is very edited to want i wanted to write. she wants tweenies on and this is her computer.

Aloha · 31/01/2006 17:58

They are all INSANELY bossy too.

mszebra · 31/01/2006 18:19

I have 3 kids (including 2 preschoolers) running me ragged all day...

tegan · 31/01/2006 18:42

I don't seem to feel like dd runs my life but that is what the HV told me yesterday.
Apparently she controls the whole family and it will only get worse unless we curb it now.
How the f*ck am I supposed to do that exactly?

beasmum · 31/01/2006 18:43

tegan, if you don't feel it's a problem why is your HV saying that you need to curb it now? Sounds a bit cheeky!

Aloha · 31/01/2006 18:44

Oh, didn't the hv have anyone else around to bother today? What a vile and useless sounding woman. No wonder I avoid HVs like th bloody plague.

tillykins · 31/01/2006 18:45

thank God for this thread! Its not just me!

Mine throws a strop over things he says he can't do - which he can, baffles me why

We spent 15 minutes sat on the floor in the cat food aisle at Sainsburys this week whilst he had a tantrum - I nearly slugged him one with a tin of Felix

mszebra · 31/01/2006 18:49

I have to tell my lot off -- "No I am not doing X-Y-Z- for you (and you, and you), I am eating my meal right now and that is all that I am doing. I will take care of you (and you, and you) after I eat."

Else I'd never get any food down my throat.

nannyme · 31/01/2006 19:08

And one could always call Vera Drake if we really didn't want to face the prospect of running a house full of delightful infants.

What fun to live in 'post war' Britain. Of course now we all have washing machines and microwaves so we have NO excuse for complaining!

Surfermum · 31/01/2006 19:29

I can relate to this ... as much as I love being at home with dd (I work 2 days), the never being able to get things done and the monotony of it was starting to get to to me. But I've also found that since dd started pre-school things have got better. I get one afternoon to go and wander round the charity shops and another afternoon to go swimming. It's the first exercise I've been able to do since having dd because I'm always so knackered come the evenings. I'm currently off work because my mum can't have dd, and am really, really enjoying it, so much so I don't want to go back to work. I'm quite sure those two afternoons to myself are what's changed it.

Filyjonk · 31/01/2006 19:34

You're having problems because you are doing a difficult, repetative job that is massively undervalued by society. It is, dare I say it, harder even that being a solicitor (I'm a paralegal-I've got a chip on my shoulder)

Eg-my mum phoned me today to ask me to a. look up a number b. make a phone call pretending to be her. I said I really didn't have time and why on earth couldn't she do it. "I have a full time job " she said.

I actually put the phone down on her. I have kids aged 7 mo and 2.5. But yes of course I have time to make other people's phone calls!

nannyme · 31/01/2006 19:39

Have you read Rachel Cusk? or What Women Do (or whatever it's called)?

Latz · 31/01/2006 19:50

I know how you feel - my dd is 2 1/4 and although I work 3 days ,y dh is away for 7 weeks and I need work for a break.

My family are down in England, I live in Perth and I have no one really to talk to. MN is a godsend!!

Just feeling guilty cos I slapped her hand when she bit me while i was trying to brush her teeth!

ghosty · 31/01/2006 20:06

Sympathies to all with 2 year olds
I was a teacher for 10 years and was quite capable of controlling 30+ 7/8/9 year olds and could (usually) get them to do what I wanted them to do ...
Then I remember sitting in my car crying one day and bleeding after DS scratched me in the face when I wouldn't let him run across a car park without holding my hand thinking "Why am I letting a 2 year old run my life????"
He is now 6 and is fab ... my DD is going to be 2 on Friday and is 10 times worse than DS ever was and is slowly driving me insane ... I still wouldn't go back to teaching 30+ primary school kids though

motherinferior · 31/01/2006 20:33

There you are, Hearts, we are all in thrall to the wretched munchkins.

If I dare to do something DD2 wants to DO HERSELF - like pull her pants up for her - it has to be undone - pants have to be lowered and pulled up again. And I find myself doing the most humiliating levels of buying-off on the basis of 'saving my battles' (for what? Armageddon?)

And then I take DD2 out on Fridays, when it's just her and me, and people coo over her and tell me how well-behaved Little Mizz Jekyll is.

Latz · 31/01/2006 20:35

Why do they do that - be little cherubs to everyone else?

I must admit its great when someone says how well behaved she can be - ALMOST makes the hard times worth it. And when she says 'Love you mummy' Aw!

oops · 31/01/2006 21:29

Message withdrawn

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