DS - 20mths- having a wobbly EVERY time I leave him at creche/nursery. Anyone?

[meggmoo]

It breaks my heart every time I have to leave him. he wakes up and I tell him we're going to creche today and he is very excited and signs to me that he wants to go to play. We go to the building/s and he walks in quite happily. When I go to sign him in he goes loopy. Screaming and crying. It's making me desperately uphappy but I have no other option other than for him to be cared for in this way (no family or friends with kids) I have tried so many different approaches with him even considering not giving him breakfast so that he will be really hungry and possibly go to someone for food.

I am getting quite upset about it (after reading Steve Buddolph's book think that leaving ds for 8 hours a week is going to turn him into some kind of monster )

Some days when he is particularly upset I will sit with him for about 10 minutes andheis fine and runs off to find an activity and then I calmly tell him that I am going to go as I really don't feel it's a good idea to sneak off when he is not looking.

Ds has been like this for about 7 months. When I go to collect him he is very happy and sometimes so engrossed that he is not so keen to leave. I even considered giving the careworkers some chocolate to tempt him then, then thought better of that idea I even changed his nursery to another thinking that perhaps there was a person or child he didn't like in the previous one.

It puzzles me as when we are anywhere else (open spaces like the supermarket/leisure centre/park) he runs so quickly away from me and is not clingy at all, he bolts for england and can't wait to get rid of me???

Yes, you're not wrong.
Thanks.

meggmoo my 2.5 year old is the same. protest cry every morning it is upsetting and horrible to drive to work. Especially after Christmas or any holiday. I do believe them when they say it only lasts for few minutes. as manager has walked in with phone and they are all eating their toast. You would hear my d/d miles away when she goes for it. "My MUMMY" as if I am never coming back. I know she loves it at nursery and always asking when she doesn't go am i going to nursery today? I work part-time 3 days in a row. Same as you have no other option. You just hope every morning no tears today. Don't beat yourself up about it and if it is a particularly bad day phone or call back without him seeing you if possible to reassure yourself.

Well, believe it or not for the first time in months no tears because......

I did sneak out. Apparently ds looked around saw I wasn't there and one of the carers took him to the kitchen area to make pretend cakes and he was away.

Felt like a miracle to me.

megmoo, no lingering, it's fatal. is that what you changed? our nursery workers say short goodbye is good, but you can always build up to that.

sneaking out is how I used to leave DD. I'm glad I did & it worked for a long time... but now she is hysterical about being left, terrified I'll sneak out; now I ask her permission to go & she usually says ok.

I did the short sharp leaving DS for months (never had done anything else, really) and it never got better which is why I turned into lingering for the next 18 months; honestly I think nursery workers are full of tosh when it comes to their advice about leaving little kids. My childminder was told that parents should always wave & say goodbye; THAT would have been FATAL with dd because she couldn't stand the moment of separation.

Fundamentally if a child doesn't want you to go then that's that, there is no one easy way to do it as far as they are concerned. They do change.

I was loathe to place DS with a childminder but am so glad I did and would not seriously consider any other sort of care for my kids now; they don't form good bonds with carers in nursery settings and my DS esp. HATED the routine/monotony of nursery.