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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

how do you keep your 'rights' in a 3-year-old's game ...

36 replies

kleist · 04/01/2006 22:37

What I mean is, I suppose, do you just go with their rules or do you attempt to maintain a semblance of autonomy ...

This isn't massively a problem. I just wondered.

My little dd's 3 and 3 months and a very imaginative, chatty, lovely child. Her favourite thing in the world is to play out what she calls 'scenarios' with her soft toys. She'll only ever do this with me. We've made time to play like this since she was around 18 months old but lately she's 'scripting' what I say, or rather what I make my toys say in a rather despotic way. I get this: 'I want you to do Snowy and Fausto [dp encourages her to use unusual names ] and I'll do Florrie and Ears. I want Snowy to say xxx and Fausto to go xxx' you get the picture? Fair enough except that if I don't meet the script perfectly she gets sweaty and deeply upset, cries, looks at me as though I've ruined her opening night.

Anyone else found a 'cure' for this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

collision · 04/01/2006 22:39

No cure, Im afraid!!

i just do as I am told and play it his way and hope that school knocks it out of him in September!!

If he wants me to guess something and I guess correctly, he says, 'Lets pretend you didnt say that!' then he will say it so that he 'wins' and it drives us crazy but the fallout if we dont is too much to bear. I give in for an easy life!

soapbox · 04/01/2006 22:40

Go with their rules - I think it is a pre-writing skills substitute for a story - and they want it to be the one they dictated and not one you've made up

I'm a great believer in going with teh flow if it helps their creativity to flow and of course if it stops a fit of the screaming ab dabs even better

Aloha · 04/01/2006 22:41

No, and it is a nightmare isn't it! I now insist on being ordered about in a civil manner and try not to cringe like a Victorian underparlourmaid while being bossed. It seems to be really important for three and four year olds to be in charge of the script, and to punish severely any minor deviations. Actually there are real life highly successful theatre and film directors who are EXACTLY like this - right down to the tears and tantrums.

motherinferior · 04/01/2006 22:46

Oh god I remember it well. I didn't even reach Aloha's level of independence, I just went along with it with occasional sullen insurrection. You've made me realise that once Inferiorette#2 outgrows her current toddlerstrops she'll be entering her dictatorial phase too.

collision · 04/01/2006 22:50

My ds's imagination is astonishing! he claims that as a small child he lived in a castle with his friends Jake, Jake Walker, Addie and Christian. He goes on and on about how he was in charge of feeding the animals and that Addie did all the cooking etc

if I ask him a question about it he looks at me firmly and says 'No Mummy... you are asking the wrong question...ask this question instead!'

I feel sorry for ds2 as he is just going to be bossed around.

I just hope that his free imagination makes him like JKRowling and we can stop working!!

soapbox · 04/01/2006 22:51

I did have the occasional bit of fun with the 'bad' barbie or 'bad' polly pocket.

They would be overwhelmed by naughtiness and adopt every facet of DD's behaviour which had pissed me off in the previous week - and of course she didn't get the joke

DS is different - I'm not allowed to speak at all at his events. I'm only allowed to look at the rows of lines up knights, soldiers, dragons or whatever aqs he rambles on. He throws me a question now and again, 'which one's are the goodies mummy?', just to make sure I'm paying attention though

Ah the joys

So very nearly passed all this now and of course, I'll miss it when it has gone

motherinferior · 04/01/2006 22:53

Actually I don't miss it, Soapbox, I feel like someone restored to freedom of speech and movement.

soapbox · 04/01/2006 22:57

Hmmm - I rather fear that it has just been overtaken by another form of censorship - the rolling of the eyes movement!

The 'God mother, you are just sooooo uncool/wrong/whatever' look!

And it really gets to me - argggghhhhhhh!

motherinferior · 04/01/2006 22:59

I am enjoying a brief honeymoon with DD1, who clasps me passionately to her and says, "I love you soooooooo much".

collision · 04/01/2006 23:01

MI...my ds says he loves me with 'his best heart!!' So sweet.

soapbox · 04/01/2006 23:02

Enjoy it while it lasts

TBF mine does that to, although she has now added 'and when you die I want to die too'PMSL!

Think she's got a bit of drama queen personality lurking somewhere within

soapbox · 04/01/2006 23:03

too not to

motherinferior · 04/01/2006 23:03

You will be amazed to hear that so does DD1.

soapbox · 04/01/2006 23:14

Original poster

kleist · 04/01/2006 23:33

Hilarious replies, thanks everyone, good to know I'm not raising a total control freak.

It is odd, isn't it, to be bossed around so strictly by someone so small ... Dp's 6,5" and seeing tiny dd standing looking up at him and saying something like 'no daddy, I told you NOT to do that' and him actually looking sheepish ... well...

OP posts:

marthamoo · 05/01/2006 00:03

Oh blimey, I'd forgotten this! Ds1 was a sod for this - we had a Bear in the Big Blue House playset and the Star Wars figures and I had to hold certain figures, and say their words, and move them about according to strict instructions. I hated it! Ds2 doesn't do this kind of thing at all - thank the Lord

Aloha · 05/01/2006 00:09

Ds is obsessed by pantomimes atm and we have to sit silently in the kitchen watching him run about and ramble almost inaudibly as he performs a 'pantomime' for us. Sometimes he actually leaves the kitchen for ages, but we have to stay in our seats. It's a like a particularly challenging version of Brecht by a one man Latvian theatre collective. And no interval.

tigermoth · 05/01/2006 00:37

My youngest son insists I play world war 1 or world war 2 with him. This involves me getting a a so called half share of his soldiers and army vehicles, but only the ones he allows me to have. So that means missing legged men and broken down tanks. Then the battle begins but every time I attack him, he tells me I have missed/his tank is surrounded by a force field/ my weapons are not allowed to shoot his vehicles. He always wins the battle. My side is always anhilated. It's ever so boring!

Gingerbear · 05/01/2006 00:41

PMSL Aloha!

Original poster

kleist · 05/01/2006 09:49

aloha! Dd's mad on pantomimes too. Only the other night we sat for around an hour while she rehearsed her entrance down the stairs as a Banana in Pajamas...

OP posts:

fennel · 05/01/2006 10:05

i must be so mean. i just take over as leading lady if the show gets a bit boring. or i heckle from the back.

i find if you are outrageous enough you are welcomed into the cast. my best role is evil witch turning all dissenters to frogs and bats.

Original poster

kleist · 05/01/2006 15:11

fennel, I do a good Evil Cat when I'm in the mood ...

But actually that's another thing I've been wondering about. The gruesome nature of some of the games. I mean do you just go along with one of the best loved toys being splayed by a lesser toy with you in the role of making it scream in agony? "I want you to make Snowy really really scream mummy" / "that's not loud enough, mum, he thinks he's dying" etc. etc. Being rather fond of Snowy after all these years he's helped me get dd through tricky situations, my moral obligation to him ought to count for something? No?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 05/01/2006 20:42

Oh Dd (3y9m) does this too. She is sooooo bossy and I have no idea where it comes from PILs look after on a Tuesday and they now know that it is easiest to just do as they are told when involved in one of the games/stories. FIL did try to play his own rules at first - whoa!!! She was not impressed and told him so. Think he was threatened with a naughty step at one point (except they live in a bungalow). IT's funny really! Now I will ffoten play along, but other times I just ignore her, if I have something else I ahve to do. These games anmd role playing can last all blooming day! And I always have to be a wicked stepmother or a witch too

Good job she gives me those big smiles, cuddles and "I love you" too!

tigermoth · 05/01/2006 20:50

My ds2 makes a point of approaching elderly men we happen to meet to check out their military credentials and see it they would like to play toy soldiers with him (strictly by his rules). He has sussed that WW1 and WW2 happened some time ago, so the people who took part are not young any more. I do hope the elderly gents are not upset.

going4potty · 05/01/2006 21:20

Sorry to hijack, youve all given me something to laugh about on a dull thursday, thankyou Ds does order me about but unfortunately i dont think its a game for him

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