do you have 2 yr old who is deliberately destructive?

[thisisyesterday]

cos i do, and I am losing the will to live quite frankly.

he has always been a handful. but it's just too much now. he is just constantly looking for things to break or destroy.

he sees a box of something, it must be tipped on the floor.
he regularly empties out ALL the boxes of toys. he doesn't want to play with them, he stomps through them and leaves them
if there is a toy that has something that cn be pulled off, he will pull it off

the other day he snapped the door off his brand new wooden toy kitchen that he had for his birthday. this was after a few days of repeatedly getting behind it and sending it crashing to the floor.
today he played nicely with it again, so i glued the door back on. the moment he saw it he bent it right back until it snapped again. It is now going in the attic

it's embarassing when people come round and find he has broken things they have given him, or things that were given to his older 2 brothers (neither of whom were like this, and neither of whom broke things on purpose)

I can't keep hiding stuff. He has 2 brothers who want/need to be able to play with things.. but whatever is out he will try and break.

if they are doing ANYTHING he will stomp in and break it. today it was the marble run, yesterday it was climbing up and throwing all the pens and pencils all over the floor, if they have books he will snatch them and throw them, if they're playing lego he will upend the box all over the place and try and break their models

he is banned from the kitchen after breaking the fridge door and his habit of turning the oven on, the washing machine on, opening the dishwasher and getting things out, climbing up the washing machine and getting stuff off the worktops, plugging the hoover in, getting the mop out etc etc etc

he has smashed 2 bowls by banging them on the table

I can't let him in the front garden because he gets out. we have a wall. we have a fence on top of the wall, he soon learned to unlatch the gate so we put an extra catch on it, he learned to undo that so now we have to tie it shut. he climbs over it now.

i am exhasusted. we have to clean and tidy at night because i cannot do anything during the day because as soon as I tidy one thing up he has got out and trashed 10 more things. I can't leave him alone because he breaks stuff.

I used to be one of those people who said, "ohhh, 2 year olds can't be naughty, they just don't understand". then i met ds3
People don't realise how bad he is, and then they spend an afternoon with him and they are shocked.
it isn't attention. because he gets tons. I would much rather do stuff with him than do my housework or cook the dinner. I can give him 100% of my attention and he will STILL just go off trying to find naughty things to do.
even my mum has said the same and that she has never seen a child like him (and she put up with me, so that's saying something!) she worked for years in a children's home, as a nanny, and later on as a childminder, so she has a fair bit of experience

I just don't know what to do with him. I just need a vent really. I cannot spend every minute of every day with him, he will wait until I am in the toilet before doing naughty things, or while I am cooking dinner.... i'm at my wits end. as soon as DP comes in I have to say "take him away from me" :(

I can never go out and enjoy myself with all the boys. if we get invited out to soft play or the park with other people I can't relax because I have to be constantly watching him to make sure he isn't escaping. it's so utterly, utterly draining

Ds was like this. I remember taking him to dd's eight week check up and he started throwing everything in the nurse's office in the air. He started to get better at around three. We did the elimination diet and started to use 1 2 3 magic at the same time. I don't think 1 2 3 magic would have worked on him when he was younger, and anyway it is not really useful for that destructive behavior that happens when you are not looking, so I think it was mostly just ds getting older. He has just turned five and is still quite hyper but not destructive at all. He is actually quite a good, reasonable little boy now. His preschool teacher said I should be proud of him.

I got rid of a lot of stuff when he was like that - although that probably won't be possible with your other dcs. I used to keep lots of toys in the hall cupboard to 'rotate' but he pulled them all out every single day so in the end I just chucked them. I also had to work hard to find 'safe' places to take him. I found a playgroup that welcomed difficult children, which was a lifesaver. I met a couple of women who also had difficult toddlers and beca,e friends with them. It was still horribly isolating though and I still feel scarred by the experience. It does pass though. I think it was Penelope leach who said that all you can do with a two year old is try to maintain a positive relationship until they get big enough to discipline. I know some two year olds are compliant, but that advice really helped me.

thisis Yes, she's first and only so far. If I lose about 4 stone I might think about having another, but so far my weight's gone up not down!

I think I kept thinking 'when this phase is over it'll be so much easier' and so far all that's happened is another, equally challenging phase!

I know this is an old thread, but can anyone update me how their child is doing now please?