Daily battles with my argumentative and demanding 3 year old.Help.

[northerner]

On one hand my ds is a gorgeous, inqusitive, bright, loving boy. On the other hand he is demanding (put my programmes on, get me my juice, get my bunny etc),rude (I want, I want)and argumentive. If I say no to something he will ask again and again and again and will not listen to me. This kind of behaviour is becoming more regular and I really want to nip it in the bud. The only way I get through to him is by really raising my voice and then he falls to pieces. And we both end up upset.

There must be an easier way surely. I keep trying to tell myself I'm the adult and he's only 3, but we end up 'arguing' cause he wants to wear his buzz light year pyjamas but they're in the wash.

Am I going mad?

Tell me this will pass, or give me fool proof suggesstions for how to discipline.

Thanks

I seem to belong to the Twiglett school of parenting. rude demands certainly get ignored in the fennel household

what i find really works with the more verbal 3yos is being very firm but giving them a bit of a get-out. i.e you have to stop doing that and come out/go to bed/ put your shoes on, etc, in 2 minutes. And then, after 2 minutes, just don't allow any more procrastination or discussion. so they've had a bit of time to get used to the idea, but then there's no debate.

and what i find really doesn't work is lots of "last chance", "just one more go", "now one more really really last go" etc. that sort of procrastination goes on and on if you let it.

mine woke in the night with a cough. she said she 'feeled sick' so I sat with her for a bit stroking her hair till she started dozing. Then she suddenly sat up and said 'I have a great idea mummy, I will get me a cloth and then if I am sick I can clean it and make it all tidy for you" bless poor lamb I am afraid things like that make me get so soppy I end up being totally unable to discipline her in any way.

Enid, I know! My dd loves to tell me how she's going to be a 'weely good girl'.

fennel, you're totally right. Dp lets dd procrastinate to infinity. It drives me crazy! He's forever negotiating, re-negotiating, re-re-re-negotiating ... grrrrr ......

and she looked at me passionately this morning and said "mummy I love you because you brush my hair weelly weelly gentle like a good girl"

Awwwwww ... My dd sings me a little song when I leave for work on Monday and Friday 'so that it can go round and round in your head when you're on the bus and keep you happy and safe'.

Ok, this thread has turned into 'what can we do with our awful 3-year-olds' into 'what angels our 3-year-olds reall are'

Enid, it's lucky that 3yos can be so adorable sometimes. otherwise the temptation to farm them out to boarding nursery for a couple of years would be just too strong.....

dd2 is 4 now and SOOO much better. life is really a lot easier than last year. stropping and arguments have mostly (not always) given way to calm sensible behaviour and intelligent debate.

All these postings really resound with me, and there's some good advice that I'll try to follow as well - my DS1, whom I thought just a spirited threenager, has now been assessed by SENCO at his nursery and we seem to be off down a very different path now...... Has anyone else had SENCO involvement for their 3 year old? Where's the line between spirited behaviour and 'abnormal' behaviour?

Isn't the adorableness a survival mechanism?

Well Twiglet I did your getting down to his level thing today and used my fingers whilst saying look at me, with a firm NO, then ignored his demands. He was so shocked it seemed to work! For the rest of the day I have answered his first request then ignored further demands and we seem to have made progress!

Slight issue in clarks when he woudn't sit down to try shoes on and was running away from me, there was a granny in there with her grand daughter and she said to me 'is he your only one?' I said 'yes' so she said 'Oh, you're learning the hard way' What did she mean by that I wonder?

Choose your arguments. No means no. Ignore demands, respond to polite requests. Don't argue with a three year old - you're the adult!

I don't like to think of myself as a competitive parent, but I'm sure that my ds has got the worst temper and the biggest ego of any 3 year old I've ever met. However, what I find works - and I know ths sounds terribly draconian - is the old 'I'm going to count to 3' A word of caution though - novelty value quickly wears off with new discipline techniques. What ds or dd has been shocked by one day will be fodder for backchat the next. But be consistant. be firm and, before you know it, they'll be 4.

I sit down in a comfy chair and say 'Well mummy's just going to close her eyes and have a little sleep until you're ready to do X'.That works really well - and I enjoy a few minutes with my eyes closed (have a 6 month old too)

I'm going to try that tonight Welshmum.