wow... kids really are so different aren't they

[FatherCoolOfHMCommonwealth]

ds is 2 & 4mths. he doesn't really say any other words other than no, dada, mama. he babbles alot though and the HV doesn't seem to be concerned. apparently he says some words that we can't recognise.

anyway, that's a long battle and naws away at us like nothing else.

then yesterday he was playing at an outdoor play equipment sales place with another kid who was having full conversations with his mum, doing much more advanced stuff and he was the same age!! exactly the same age!

i know everyone says that kids develop differently and not to worry and he's ok and that he'll catch up but... bloody hell! this kid was so much further ahead.

and... he hardly eats, his sleeping is crap etc etc where other don't seem to have a problem. we're struggling and we are trying to convince ourselves that all kids are just different (as adults are) but hell, i'm just struggling with the whole thing.

so dish it about the sleeping

Need all the help I can get now Cod - MIL nicked my 0-5 NHS book! I'm coming to you for potty training too if you don't mind

DC I agree with others, you need to sort out the sleeping. A tired child is not going to want to eat/talk/do anything.
The sooner a sleep problem is sorted out the better and an NT 2.4 yo who is not sleeping throuhg, well, should be imho (sorry, not calling anyoen who has mega probs but so many can be sorted out.
Please don't leave it and leave it till it becomes a big habit.
What is the detail exactly?

hes shy gals

mt i willhelp with your potty training

He's only just 1 Cod, so he's a few months (years?) off at the mo. I haven't fully implimented your advice on self feeding yet (give them a spoon and never feed them agian, they learn quick was the received wisdom, if I paraphrase correctly )- so far it's giving him a spoon and a pot of fromage frais and be damned if he uses it as shampoo instead!

REally sympathise with all this, DC.

But DS was one of the early talk-his-head off kids, everyone used to comment on how 'advanced' he was. And now? At just 4? No difference at all between him and the ones who didn't say anything at 2.5.

Didn't eat, didn't sleep, and is still not brilliant at either. But I have learned that he eats in fits and starts - one day he will appear to be trying the fresh air diet, and a few days later he is putting it all away and asking for extras.

Eating alongside other good eaters is a powerful influences.

Basically, anything is more interesting than eating, and it's such a DRAG to have to sit still for so long!

I have never put him to bed hungry, nor ever would. I think for kids who don't manage to eat huge amounts in one go, healthy regular snacks are fine. Avocado sandwiches in between lunch and tea. I don't mean non-stop picking at junk-snacks.

Milk is a food.

If he has energy and is growing, he is probably fine.

And yes, it is very hard!

thanks blu.

i've tried to give a lengthy response to some of the recent posts on this thread but i just can't today i'm afraid. i'm at work and only managing to post silly and offensive comments in chat for the moment so sorry guys. i'll probably be better to respond late tonight when i log on and continue working.

thanks for advice. i'm taking it all on.

Sorry about the hyjack DC.

DC sorry no pressure, tell us all about it when you get a mo. You know this is all meant in a suportive manner

DC, just wanted to say that I am pretty much in the same boat with dd - just over 2 years, doesn't talk much, bad eater, previously bad (but now better) sleeper, doesn't play by herself much.

I totally understand the frustration of comparing her with her cousin (older by 3 months) who is miss precocious and I love to bits, but makes dd look like a one-celled organism in comparison. I spend lots of intense one-to-one time talking to dd to very little effect, but her cousin learns everything off the telly! Oh well, I keep telling myself that dd's time will come ... but it is worrying. Not looking forward to her 2 year check.

I note with interest the suggestion to sort your ds' sleep out to improve development. Dd was a terrible sleeper (always nursed to sleep, woke 3 times an Hour, I kid you not) until she was weaned from nursing at 17 months and then started sleeping through very quickly. But made not much difference to her development.

As for eating, I am quite low key. I don't want to create an issue out of eating (as my parents did with me) - I want dd to enjoy food. I am glad that Blu says milk is food because dd's dinner tonight was ham with cereal and milk - eaten on the hop!

What I found made a difference is nursery (I work pt). dd is a different child in there. Eats well, naps on her own - peer pressure is a life saver. Speech still slow but exposure to older kids who use talking to get what they want can only be a good thing for dd to watch and learn.

Hope things improve soon.

thanks guys. all your comments have been great and certainly make me feel better.

Food - Well tonight he was so tired from being at Hatton Country World all day without a nap, he was a complete mess. So... we did him fish fingers. he didn't eat them. We then offered him yoghurt. he didn't want it. then, dw offered him porridge. he ate it... then he ate the fish fingers... then he at the yoghurt.

he does this once in a while. it's really weird. it seems to just have to catch him in the right mood at the right time.

Sleep - well i won't go into too much detail but last night wasn't to bad. i think he might be getting better.

he woke twice. once at 1am, once at 3am and finally woke up at 5am. he's been waking at 5am for the past few mornings.

i go in. i don't make eye contact. i tell him to go back to sleep and i sometimes put my hand on his shoulder or back. i managed to settle him quite quickly and that's the big thing isn't it. if you can settle them quickly, it doesn't make much difference but he went through a stage of not wanting to go back to sleep and so i just sat by the bed, not making eye contact and each time he looked my way, i told him to go back to sleep. gently of course, not gruffly, that just winds him up and is pointless.

as far as i know i'm doing the right thing (?)

ds2 was hideous for quite a long time with sleeping. I used to bring him into bed with me when he woke. I got all the rod for own back comments but sometime during his 2nd year he stopped waking and now he sleeps through his baby brother crying and his elder autistic brother shrieking, running upstairs at 4am turning on his light and jumping on him. It just happened without me doing anything. A month or so ago he started appearing in my bed scare dof monsters (he's 3 and a half now) but that was sorted with a nightlight.

Anyway point of the ramble being that sometimes it can be worth doing whatever it takes to make sure you get as much sleep as ypou can whilst waiting for them to "grow out of it".

DH is terirble with no sleep, so he moved out of the marital bed for a while so he didn;t have to put up with the wriggling etc.

sorry sometime during his third year- when he was 2ish.

Fathercool - sorry not read all of the thread. My DS1 is 3yrs 10months. He's been at playschool since he was 2yrs 9months and he's only just started interacting there. With regards to the speech thing, my HV always said DS is fine even though kids of the same seem so far ahead in the way they speak and how intelligible (sp??) they are. DS had fluid behind his ear drums when little so failed numerous hearing tests (has selective hearing at the best of times) which has meant that his speech has been a lot slower coming than it is for other kids.

He goes to speech therapy but they are continually telling us we're doing all the right things to encourage him and let him know how words should sound without obviously correcting him and that his vocab is very good. It's just the stringing together of words where he struggles, but playschool tell us since he started back after the summer hols he has been a lot clearer and as he's becoming easier to understand he's making more friends.

It feels like an unhill struggle doesn't it? Has your angel had any hearing probs that you know of? The speech therapist keeps telling me that if kids have lots of ear infections (along side colds etc) then this can delay their speech quite a lot.

no. HV said the hearing was fine and i can tell he can hear fine. he seems to hear everything. no ear infections or anything.

Hi DC. My DD didn't speak at all until she was 2.5. It drove me mad with worry, worry that I'd done something wrong, guilt because I went back to work and had a nanny (wondered if she wasn't talking to DD), guilt that I'd exposed her to Thai, Italian, English, worry that she was deaf, was maybe autistic etc etc.

The very week I found a speech therapist she started to talk and talk and talk. Now at 2.10 months she has a huge vocabulary, knows all her shapes (including hexagon, v proud of that one), colours, numbers, letters and seems to have a photographic memory for words and songs. People comment on her aptitude. This is just 5 months later - it really is that fast.

Sleeping has been my biggest problem, especially as it's just me (we often live apart from DP due to work). Fingers crossed in the last two weeks I have finally got DD to go to bed at 7pm, STAY there, and not get up at 5am. What you are doing seems right - consistency really is the key, no matter how difficult it is. If there are two of you at least the load is shared. Give no attention for misbehaviour & be utterly boring. A nightlight helped us, as did blackout blinds and a set in stone bedtime routine, including 1 hour wind-down.

Good luck with the food - one problem I didn't have. I also sympathise with different parenting. DP and I are of different schools - he's of the Northern 't'were all reet for me' school, while I'm a little more Boden.

fatherofcool - well all i can say is they are def. all different. your babe will speak when ready, just let it come.

now i have little experience from my own dd as shes 12 month and is quite far ahead with her speech, but my friends ds isnt.

hes 20 months and until very recently didnt say a word! she was starting to get worried about his speech and went to see a HV who said he was fine, and just couldnt be bothered! which was true, he used pointing and noises (snorting for pig or brrrrr for car) to communicate, he didnt need to talk. and last week he said choc-o-late, no go figure, it is very likely he could talk all along (as that isnt generally a first word!) but as the HV said couldnt be bothered!

im rambling just to show that there isnt always a reason behind things and eventually your son will catch up to everyone else, just make sure he has lots of positive stimuli!

i wish my dd didnt talk sometimes, she dont shut up and shes only 1!!!!

thanks for the reassurances.

last night was great but that's because he was completely dead to the world because dw took him out to hatton country world playing all day and by the time he got home he could hardly stand up straight.

he slept from about 7:15 to 6:45 waking up once at 4:00 but i settled him quickly. hmmmm... I'll see how he gets on today. dw's taking him out for a big day again.

dc what does dw do differntely?
well done with the night hting
think of it as temporaty hardship for long term gaim

If they're porinting and using non-verbal getstures they are fine, and short of hearing problems speech will follow. If a child over 18 months isn't pointing out things of interest, doesn't understand short simplecommands (eg get coat) then it is worth getting a referral. DS2 didn't talk properly until he was well over 2 (2 years 8 months I think). I thought he had verbal dyspraxia and he was assessed as having a speech disorder. His speech came in over the course of a week. I never worried about him in terms of langauge though as I knew his understanding was where it should be, he was capable of using yes and no, and he pointed, pointed, pointed, pointed and pointed some more. Oh and he played properly. All those things are more important than speech in developmental terms (because the age of their normal development is more fixed- speech varies hugely).

I think one of the hardest parts of being a parent is persuading yourself, (and really believing) that comparisons with other children are absolutely pointless!

I am also a firm believer in as much fresh air and physical activity as possible.

cod - i tend to take a harder line ie: if he won't eat he goes to bed without, if he's crying to be picked up and i'm busy he doesn't get picked up, if he won't come over when called i'll go and drag him over to where he should be (that's crap. i've stopped doing that).

dw is opposite - if he won't eat anything, she gives him a few biscuits, picks him up and as we discussed before, the whole 'he'll grow out of it' thinking.

i think there are plus points on both approaches but we seem to be so extreme on different sides of the scale.

all in all its the same old 'daddy is an ogre' and 'mummy is the kind protector'

the last few days though we've been planning, talking and agreeing on an approach and i def think it's working.

you food advice was really good and i keep going down the list in my head each time i feed him brekkie and evening dinner.