Is it normal to still have constant tantrums at 3 1/2?

[Angiel]

My ds is driving me mad he is the most bad tempered, miserable kid, I have ever come across.

The day starts with him waking at 6.30 am and realising his dad has gone to work. He then cries and whinges for his dad constantly until he has woken up my dd's.

He normally refuses to eat his breakfast and ignores every request I make of him, while we are trying to get ready to take my dd to school.

The walk to school is generally embarrasing as he screams most of the way there and back. This behaviour continues on and off all day, until I feel like I'm going mad.

I have started to avoid taking him out in public as I know it will end in some sort of scene and I just can't face it.

He has reached all of his physical milestones but emotionally he seems very troubled. I keep wondering if there is something wrong with him, I don't know what though.

Do you think I have just got a stroppy little boy or would it be worth delving a bit deeper? Any advice would be gratefully received. TIA.

Angiel - there 'managing your childs behaviour' classes in most areas - I have seen these advertised in the local Library and doctors surgery. I had considered attending at one stage but dd (now almost 4) seems to be improving and having less tantrums. I don't know how good these classes are but might be worth a go...

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Hi to all mums of 3 & 4 year old "little devils".I am going through exactly what all of you are going through right now and I thank my lucky stars that there is a website like this to just "talk" to other mums so that you know you are not alone. You really do start to think that it is something you are doing wrong as a parent for your child to behave in this way, but we can't all be getting it wrong can we? My dd (coming up to 3) is doing all these things that yours are doing but she is totally non verbal also, which only adds to my misery, but she can scream and whinge as good as any other. I thought a lot of her behavioural problems were down to the frustration of not been able to talk and we are currently being assessed by NHS SALT, but now I feel better knowing "verbal" kids are behaving in this way too. Don't anyone ever feel shown up by your child cos I bet if you were to talk to the people staring at the commotion they would tell you that it had happened to them countless times too. So keep up the good parenting mums, and give yourselves a great big pat on the back, we all deserve it!!

My ds 3.10 months loves to winge first thing in the morning. He is not even up for a minute and hes yelling for things. He is a star at pre-school, but can still be a little cheeky i've been told.
Somebody told me, ( and she is a biology teacher) that little boys in particular have a testosterone surge at around 3-4 years and this is why they are a little mad!!! Don't know how true that is but it seems to make sense as my ds behaviour has worsened since he was 3. The terrible twos were nothing compared to this. The tantrum threes are a night mare, now I am awaiting the "f!*ker fours!!!" HELP!!!!!!! Still love him though and wouldn't change him for the world.

Harman - not meant to sound critical - more empathetic ( is that a word or have I made it up?!!)

There are so many of us in this position, but I think we think we are all alone and it's comforting to know that we're not going through it alone.

My DS has been really stroppy and tantrum-y for about a year and we have been working hard to overcome it. We seem FINALLY to be making some progress, mainly down to lots of patience on my part, repeated messages (it's ok to be angry it is not ok to hit/kick/throw things etc etc etc) and there have been two magic things that have worked for us:

1. Change of diet. Cutting out e-numbers. WOW is all I can say what a difference this made. DS still has a temper (he wouldn't be our child if he didn't nature kicking in I'm afraid) but is more able to deal with it in a non harnful way.

2. spending time on his own with my DH, he gets a fiar deal of time alone with me, but not much with DH. We have incresed this lately and this seems to have given him a bit of maturity.

HTH Got to go, bed time duties call.

This is all v familiar and my 4.5 year old has reverted to this sort of tantrummy behaviour recently; I think it is due to going full time at nursery, which he enjoys(and behaves beuatifully there, like the other children on this page). But I think the strain of being good all day is exhausting and he finds it hard to control himself once he gets out of nursery, and in the mornings.

His worst period was between about 2 1/2 and 3 1/2, and it was awful, I had the same feelings others have mentioned of thinking it really was beyond normal, that we would need to get him seen by someone, that we had done something wrong (he is third, the others have plenty of faults but almost no tantrums). It was embarrassing to take him to stay with relations, altho he was also charming and friendly. But the tantrums, and the constant tiptoeing around him so try and avoid an oncoming tantrum, wsa just so stressful.
Somehow he got much better though, and we realised one day, when he was nearly four, that he had really changed, had very few, and didnt get completely beside himself any more. Great relief all round.

But sorry to say it has started again. I wrote on another thread about it. We have been doing a star chart for a week and it is pretty successful so far. He can get a star for getting dressed without a fuss, and one for eating up his tea without a fuss. Those were the 2 main crunch points in the day. He gets an additional star if hes been good all day. And so far has got 3 every day except 2, ie 2 tantrums in 9 days which is a record. So it seems to be working for us.
Hope this may be of some help to you Angiel, anyway you are most certainly not alone.

Moosh, the testosterone surge thing is for real! My dd1 is almost 6 but we saw this ALOT in her boy friends when they were coming up to 4. Previosly mild mannered sweet boys turned into tazmanian devils or whingers for the Olympics! It did pass though. Having said that though my dd2 (3 1/2) can whinge and strop for England. And it can be incredibly wearing. I think it's the struggle they have with wanting to be grown up and independant vs needing still to be a toddler and have "uncontrollable" emotions. I can vouch for the fact that it does get easier eventually though as dd1 sorted it out by the time she was 4 1/4 ish.