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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

is he too young for naughty corner?

44 replies

fredd · 26/08/2005 16:16

my friends 19 mo DD has started hitting and slapping. Is he too young to do time out/naughty step?

OP posts:

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fairyfly · 29/08/2005 00:55

Not read any of this thread but i have just put my boyfriend in the naughty corner ( his bed) as he is an idiot.

He's 31

Does that help?

mummyhill · 29/08/2005 11:17

Time out may be useful, young children do understand that being removed from everyones attention is a form of punishment for doing something wrong.

Hanoge · 29/08/2005 15:00

Have been using "naughty step" with ds aged 2 1/2, setting the timer in the kitchen so he knows when his time is up (and i cant get distracted and he gets a longer time than said). He understands and runs to turn off the timer when it goes off and then comes and says sorry to whoever it is he has hit/bitten or whatever. It doesnt get used so much now as he seems to be starting to realise that bad behaviour means no attention and good behaviour means lots. By the way I like the idea of a "thinking step" rather than using the "naughty" word.

nannyjo · 29/08/2005 16:22

i like the timer idea Hanogue, i think at 19 months you can try the naughty step, it wouldn't take long before they uderstood it i don't think.

Socci · 29/08/2005 17:04

Message withdrawn

fisil · 30/08/2005 08:41

We used it since before ds1 was 1. It has always been very effective for him. So much so that sometimes he now suggests it, takes himself there, calms down and comes back to apologise! (he's 2 1/2 now)

RachD · 30/08/2005 09:15

Oh I am so glad to see so many mumsnetters talking about the fact that it is o.k. to have time-out or a 'thinking seat' with young children - I REALLY like the fact that Steffee calls ita 'thinking chair' that rather than a 'naughty' step.

I am so pleased that I am not the only one who thinks that these things can be tried with a child under 3.
I will begin these techniques immediately with ds 19 mths !

bobbybob · 30/08/2005 20:01

Fisil - My ds now uses the seat in the hall as his time out place - and sometimes will suggest it too.

If he feels really bad he will suggest bed.

spidermum · 30/08/2005 22:47

We used the thinking stool with ds1 now 7 when he was about 3 and have just started using the "thinking step" with ds3 aged 23 months only for hitting which he is doing big time atm. He does stay there and after 30 seconds to 1 min we have a big hug. Saying "no" made him do it even more as did ignoring him actually, I had to remove him from me really. Thinking stool didn't really work for ds2. He used to slide off, different temperament to ds1 and 3 completely and also not such a monkey. I think it does depend on your child. I also agree with those who label the action not the child as "naughty". We have always made a point of saying "That is a naughty thing to do" Not that they are a naughty child.

woodpops · 31/08/2005 11:06

Nope, dd and ds started going on the naughty step at about 16-18 months. It works a treat and they both learnt very quickly. Now they get warned that if they carry on they will be on the naughty step and they soon stop doing whatever they shouldn't be doing!!!!

DD once bit her brother and was sent to the naughty step. She was really quite and I totally forgot I'd sent her there only to find her sound asleep on it ½ an hour later!!!!

babydriver · 31/08/2005 13:45

Been using 'naughty corner' (the most boring corner in whatever room we happen to be in at the time) with DS for last two/three months - he's nearly 22 months. He's beginning to understand.

Agree with steffee that 'naughty' can be a difficult word. I try to say that the behaviour is naughty rather than my son, and explicitly label a particular behaviour as being naughty by way of a warning - eg 'hitting the cat is naughty because it hurts her. If you do it again you'll go in the naughty corner'.

Don't think he understands the first part yet (we have a v long suffering cat!!) but if he's about to do something and I ask "doing x is naughty, do you want to go to the naughty corner?" he'll say "no" and sometimes stop.

I try not to put him in there without any warning (cos' I don't think he understands the concept in isolation). Nor do I do it for a fixed amount of time - usually simply plonking him down and turning my back to do something else is enough for him and me to cool down.

When he comes out I ask him to kiss me sorry, stroke the cat sorry or whatever seems appropriate and he usually does that.

Redtartanlass · 31/08/2005 20:38

I have a well-adjusted, happy 20 year old ds, who remembers with rye amusement our ?naughty chair?. DS sometimes used to go onto the chair without being told, as soon as he did something he knew was wrong. It worked a treat with him and I am just about to start with my 19 month old!!

highlandmum · 01/09/2005 08:45

I reckon appropriate age depends on child and no-one knows them better than you. I like the idea of a thinking step instead of a naughty step (or chair, or corner), but depends on child. Hard for very little one to know what to think about. I remember over 30 years ago getting my one and only spanking and being sent to my room "until I was sorry". Didn't know when to come out - I was sorry right now!!

Judessis · 01/09/2005 10:24

Hi fred - tried holding my 14month old to stop him turning the TV standby button on and off - didn't work at all, but he may be a bit young to understand the cause and effect.

Starmummy · 01/09/2005 11:24

Have just agreed with DS age 9 that he will be back on the thinking step. He seems to be struggling to control his temper at the moment, lots of talking back in a very snide and nasty way. He hasnt had to use it yet but he knows he may have to if he loses his temper. I think he needs the time for reflection rather than lose of priviledges. I hope we dont need to use it but if we do I'm sure thinking is going to be the best option. Generally his temper is born out of frustration with himself to the extent that he has been known to hurt himself banging his head. We work hard at emphasising the positive but he is loathe to help himself, so we seem locked in a vicious cycle of him not wanting to do his work because he thinks he cant do it. School dont have any problems with him and he is happy, so we're struggling a bit. I dont really want to punish him if he has a problem but I cant get to the bottom of it. (sorry for hijacking) ; )

cat64 · 01/09/2005 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lapinous · 02/09/2005 14:15

Hi, new member - what does ds stand for ?
Anyway, any suggestions for my ds (2 1/2 years) who for the last week has turned into little demon with his bro (7m), up until then he's been quite sweet but now he pinches, kicks, squeezes etc every time he can reach him. I've tried explaining that "we don't hurt each other" if he wants to touch him he can stroke, kiss..., I've tried the time out in his bed room and I've tried just avoiding every situation of contact hoping violent impulses will pass ( not very easy !) BUT nothing seems to work. Does anyone have any other suggestions or should we just wait it out ?

Comments very welcome, thanks !

Mirage · 02/09/2005 20:42

I found this very interesting.DD1 who has just turned 2,has taken to smacking her baby sister to wake her up & I wasn't sure how to deal with it.It was too dangerous to ignore & smacking her would only teach her that its ok to hit people.

The first time it happened,I held her firmly,got down to her level & told her that it was a naughty thing to do,that we don't hit other people & that if she did it again,she would have to stand in the hall on her own until she calmed down.

She was very giggly & over excited,possibly due to having had visitors earlier & promptly ran over & hit her sister again.This time she went out into the hall,where she screamed & cried,when she came back in,she apologised to me,but wouldn't apologise to her sister.An hour or so later,she did it again,was put back into the hallway,where she screamed & threw things a the door.This time she said sorry to me & DD2 as soon as she was allowed back in.

After a very exciting day today,(grandparents had visited),she went to hit her sister again.I warned her what would happen if she did it & she stopped in her tracks & went off to play.I'm hoping that this 'time out' will continue to work,otherwise I don't know what else to try.

BeaT · 03/09/2005 18:08

Can I also add that it is a good idea to explain clearly, preferably with a demonstration, what the acceptable behaviour would have been. For example "use words not hands", "be gentle" or "just stroking" etc. etc. With children younger than about 18 months I believe that distraction combined with the above is probably best and then after that age "time out" if they need to calm down with an explanation again of what would have been OK and a logical consequnce if necessary. Like for example, removal of the toy with which they are misbehaving for a short period of time. I always advise parents in my classes that it is a good idea to get into the habit of commenting positively on ordinary behaviour and not just "good" behaviour and really downplaying unacceptable behaviour, distracting or removal from situation if necessary. Hope this helps.

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