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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

What is the etiquette with name 'copying'?

48 replies

samjammy · 24/10/2015 17:15

I have never thought a name 'belonged' to anyone else, and gave DS the same name as a good friend's little boy as we had both liked it for years and they just happened to be born within 2 months of each other (they live abroad though). I didn't ask if she would be okay with it or give it a second thought, but it was a traditional well-known name so different to my current dilemma.

If this one is a girl, there are lots of names we like, but none we LOVE like we did last time with DS, and I know it would grow on us but I ideally want one that just feels perfect. I've been thinking of a name for a little while which is fairly unusual, for the sake of example as unusual as Blossom (I don't want to give the real name in case of outing myself!) and I have a local mum friend who's daughter is called it, her and DS go to nursery together.

Although I've since seen it in the name books and on here, I did discover it through her, and she is such a lovely LO that I think it really brought the name to life for me. Being honest, I would totally be 'copying' it as I don't think I would have noticed it if I didn't know her. However no other name seems to hold a torch to this one - I really love it far more than any others on our list.

Would it be inappropriate to ask said friend if she would mind me using it if we decided it was the one? Would do so via message to not put her on the spot, or is it a bit of a no-no as it's fairly unusual and there are no other 'Blossom's' in our extended circles?

What do people think? Thanks

OP posts:

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JanuaryJuniper · 25/10/2015 18:56

I would be really annoyed to be honest.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 25/10/2015 22:02

Meet up for coffee or something. Bring chat onto baby. Then names...

Ask if she has any suggestions? Ooh, you could have another blossom!

Or as we chose blossom, we also liked Petal, rose and tumbleweed.

See how she reacts!

fairyfeatures · 26/10/2015 12:41

mention to the mum that you absolutely love the name, she has great taste and that it is on your shortlist.

You may not know this woman or LO in 3 years time, they/you could move etc and you will regret not using the name.

Go for it

Mrsindecision · 26/10/2015 14:00

I can't believe those who say they would be annoyed under these circumstances - she a not a close friend, just someone who she has got to know via nursery. Blimey, no one can stop other people using a name simply because they have used it first - very odd to become upset about it IMO. I think it would certainly be something to consider if it was a family member or v close friend, but other than that, I really wouldn't give it a second thought (and I would generally consider myself quite a thoughtful person )!

chrome100 · 26/10/2015 15:02

You can't "copy" a name. Seriously, you can't. Call your child whatever you want. In a few years time you probably won't even still know the people whose name you "copied" and even if you do, so what?

My sister has the name of four of our parents' friends' daughters. We were friends growing up, now we never see them so it hardly matters. Our parents are still friends and somehow the "copying" hasn't come between them...

People are very precious. They are desperate for people to like their child's name yet are pissed off if someone else uses it! Surely the ultimate insult is if no one wants to.

Original poster

samjammy · 26/10/2015 15:38

Thanks a lot for all the perspectives, including the not-keen ones - it's good to know. Think I will wait 'til a bit nearer the time and if I'm still really keen send a text of some sort - something like 'it's on our short list - hope you don't mind' But I am quite indecisive so may change my mind before anyway driving myself mad with girls names this time!

Heatethelastrolo That's a good point - this LO is very sweet and gentle, and mine might be completely feral will definitely have a think about how much she is influencing my love of the name!

OP posts:

elor11 · 26/10/2015 17:08

Ive already posted but I wouldn't even send a text to be honest. If it's a real name (and not a name her parents made up) then it's not just for that one child. I have always picked names quite early or before pregnancy and I wouldn't change for anyone. Other than my best friends/immediate family. I would 'copy'cousins, general friends ect. Not many of our children will never come across another child named the same at some point. (Although my daughter might not. Her name is still in top 100 though)

KLou1105 · 27/10/2015 16:36

My daughter is a Lottie (not charlotte) and we haven't met another yet in our area. obviously we've heard of others but not actually met any. So if anyone I knew named their dd the same I would definitely think they were copying. And would annoy me slightly. I like it that her name is unusual but not weird imo anyway. I think it's different if the name is more popular x

Original poster

samjammy · 27/10/2015 17:44

elor11 thank you for this. It's how I've always felt about names too (and this one isn't made up) - it's just the unusual factor that has made me wobble, along with other comments I have seen on MN before about not using the same name as others. Personally, I find that odd as nobody owns a name but the opinion is obviously divided!

KLou Lottie is a lovely name - but I'm surprised you'd be annoyed. IMO, it's not that unusual and I don't think you could assume it was copied as it's a fairly well-known name, even if it's not a well-used one if that makes sense. I guess people's opinions of what's unusual and what's copying are really subjective! Lottie on its own is to me like Abbie (not Abigail). Just Abbie is on our list actually and it's unusual in that it's not in the top 60 or so names, but I wouldn't think I was doing anything ground breaking by using it either. But then, I wouldn't mind even if a really unusual name I chose was used by someone I knew. Different strokes and all that!

OP posts:

GColdtimer · 27/10/2015 20:14

Fgs how precious some posters are. Dd2 has an unusual name, we don't know any others in school, nursery or clubs. If an acquaintance gave her 3 years younger dd the same name it would not occur to me to be annoyed.

We chose it because we loved it, not because it was unusual.

Utterlyclueless · 27/10/2015 20:23

Why are people annoyed sooner or later the chances are these children will bump into someone with the same name it honestly won't hurt them, especially now when more and more people are looking for unusual names.

A group of girls I know have all given birth within a few weeks of each other their daughters are mila-rose mila-may mila-lily!

Utterlyclueless · 27/10/2015 20:24

Also there's sites that have all these 'unusual names' now so chances are it's not copying, I personally wouldn't think Lottie would be classed as copying a name anyway

Borninthe60s · 27/10/2015 20:55

You. Might know each other now but in 25 years time will you...a name is for life not just through primary school. Don't worry x

Strokethefurrywall · 27/10/2015 20:59

How can anyone be pissed if someone else they knew called their kid Lottie? It's only one of the most common names around for heaven's sake!

SpanglesGalloway · 27/10/2015 21:26

I used to be panicky that someone would 'steal' the name I wanted for my dc...before I was pregnant!!! Since then I've realised that no one owns it. If a friend close of otherwise had called their child the name I liked I would have still named my boy it...

Now I'm 28w pregnant and struggling for a girls name as I'm team yellow and I'm considering names used by friends and aquaintances and really don't care what they think. And not unusual names either! A name is a name and they would always be 'your' blossom!

RidingSixWhiteHorses · 27/10/2015 23:48

I have a close friend who had her son a few months after we had our daughter.

Then when we were both pregnant with number two we wanted the shorter version of her son's name for if we had a son. It has in fact been the name we would have had for our daughter had she been a boy (and been born before their son). Don't want to out self but think along the lines of her son being Alfred and ours being Alfie as a full name, or Theodore and Theo.

Anyway when her son was born I said something like what a lovely name, we would have used that had our dd been a boy. And when we were both pregnant second time I asked if she would mind if we still used it and she said something like 'well obviously I would rather you didn't but I can't tell you not to' and we never mentioned it again. Then we did use the short version when our son was born and I have always felt v awkward about it around her especially as I kept getting a mental block and calling her son by my son;s name when we saw them (they always use the wrong version).

My son's version is v common btw - always another one in the playground - and hers not so.

And incidentally we must just have v similar tastes because her daughter has a name that lots of people suggested to us for a second daughter if we had one as the names go well together.

But... sorry, rambling post, my point is I wish I hadn't asked her at all as we were never going to not use the name and by her saying she'd rather we didn't meant we actively went against her wishes whereas had I not asked then we'd have all just smiled and made jokes about similar taste etc.

Paddletonio · 27/10/2015 23:58

This thread is making me like the actual name blossom!

Op I think if it's really really rare maybe drop in that you are considering it but I dint think you need to ask her permission!

RidingSixWhiteHorses · 28/10/2015 00:18

They always use the long version not wrong!

Shemozzle · 30/10/2015 01:11

My first daughter was one of 30 born with her name that year. I spent hours and hours searching for something unusual. A year later, her fathers cousin announced her daughter with the same name, but one letter different. Same pronunciation. The letter different made it chavvy in my opinion. I was really really upset. I never said anything about it, and I always said if it had been mentioned to me first I would have been ok. I wish they hadn't ruined the spelling. This name is now more popular than it was, but not in the top 200. just. The chavvy spelling more popular. I have really gone off her name. Maybe I just was unfortunate enough to pick a name that was already becoming popular, but the fact it was a relative and I knew for certain they had only heard it after my daughter, was what upset me. My daughters nursery teacher named her daughter after her too and again I wasn't asked, I didn't mind as much this time because it wasn't a friend or relative, but I was still a little put out when I learnt they had first heard the name from my daughter.

My second child, I didn't find out the sex. We picked a favourite boys name (which was also unusual) very early on and were convinced it was indeed a boy and called the bump this name. We had another girl! A few months later I met a local mum friend who's son is the same age as my 2nd daughter by days, and he had our chosen boys name! Now we are ttc number 3 and there is just no way I would use that name if I had a boy, it's just his name to me now.

I'm no saying you shouldn't use it. But I think asking is really important if the name is unusual. My second daughters name is so unusual it doesnt show on the name stats the year she was born. (it doesn't show if there are less than 3) if someone I knew asked if they could use it I'm fairly certain I'd be ok. If someone used it and didn't say until the birth announcement, I'd definitely be upset.

I'd be totally honest. Mention it to the person, even say you plan on moving our of area too which is what made you think it would be ok.

Shemozzle · 30/10/2015 01:20

Should add, I think if a name is in the top 20, then you don't need to ask unless it is a best friend or relative.

starkers1 · 30/10/2015 09:26

FFSYourself re. your DS's names
"(They are not called Rex and Fido )" nor are many other dogs?! But plenty of BOYS are called Rex so less of the dog comparisons please... just let it lie.

pinkyredrose · 30/10/2015 09:27

Shemozzle why are you so desperate to be 'different'? You don't own a name and you have no right to get upset or think you should have been consulted when someone else uses the same name.

Reminds me of a saying 'I want to be different, just like everyone else'.

Shemozzle · 30/10/2015 22:24

Pinkyredrose it's not that I'm desperate to be different. I know it does come across like that. Actually, I think very few names are both popular and timeless. There are a few names in the top 50 for both sex I would have happily used had my OH liked them equally. The reason I say I spend a lot of time looking for unusual is not to stand out and be different, but because my worst fear is becoming bored of my child's name, or it becoming something dated (like the next Kieth/Louise). I've worked in various settings with children over a lot of years and see how nice names become so popular that people don't want them anymore and then they become dated. I've seen so many children with the same names, my own name is so common there where 6 of us in my year. I'm aware there are lots of adults who like having a popular name so it's not just that. For me, I have to choose something timeless or not likely to become hugely popular.

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